Redirected aggression
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Redirected aggression
I'm being told I redirect aggression to everyone around me. I'm sure it's true, but I don't even know when I'm doing it! I googled it and all that came up were articles about cats! Can someone here please explain how humans redirect aggression? I want to stop doing this but I don't understand it! Arrgh!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Good morning Choublak!
Here is a book on it focused on the human impact of it. The Amazon summary and reviews might help describe it for you. I'm not familiar with the term but it would appear it is a scientific term for "shi- rolls downhill."
Amazon.com: Payback: Why We Retaliate, Redirect Aggression, and Take Revenge eBook: David P. Barash, Judith Eve Lipton: Kindle Store
Here is a book on it focused on the human impact of it. The Amazon summary and reviews might help describe it for you. I'm not familiar with the term but it would appear it is a scientific term for "shi- rolls downhill."
Amazon.com: Payback: Why We Retaliate, Redirect Aggression, and Take Revenge eBook: David P. Barash, Judith Eve Lipton: Kindle Store
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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So.....I ran to an old textbook for this specific term (I, also, like kudzujean, would have called it misdirected anger).
The explanation--as I understand it--goes like this: It is anger that is initially supressed or unexpressed (stuffed)......and, then, comes out--later--in these various forms:
passive-aggressive behavior, being cynical and hostile, constantly putting others down, being critical of everyone and everything, chronically--irritable;grumpy;and complaining.
Sometimes, it can also take the form of being socially withdrawn or in physical illness.
dandylion
The explanation--as I understand it--goes like this: It is anger that is initially supressed or unexpressed (stuffed)......and, then, comes out--later--in these various forms:
passive-aggressive behavior, being cynical and hostile, constantly putting others down, being critical of everyone and everything, chronically--irritable;grumpy;and complaining.
Sometimes, it can also take the form of being socially withdrawn or in physical illness.
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Aka....projection? Or no....
Hmmm, interesting how the only thing that came up on the internet was about cats....I'm sure you saw the news story a few weeks ago about how a cat "snapped" and sent three of his family members to the ER. The explanation is that something random triggered the cat to lash out at an innocent bystander. We humans do that too! Some of us just get snippy while others go on a shooting spree but it is still a very interesting topic! God knows I've been guilty being a hellish bitch to people that didn't deserve it, just because I got triggered by "something".......
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
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Before...I would have told people "I don't have an angry bone in my body."
After...When I started to get in touch with my own feelings, I started to learn that I really was angry. I was like "Wow, I didn't know that was in there!" No one was more surprised than me. Or maybe I was the only one that was surprised!?
Growing up in a chaotic abusive home, emotions was dangerous and painful and I dealt with that by learning to stuff and repress them. I spent a lot of energy making sure that my emotions couldn't get out...and doing everything I could to make sure that I avoided the strong emotions of others. I used alcohol to hide feelings. I escaped in books and video games.
Like squeezing a balloon, what goes in on one side pops up somewhere else. Procrastination and avoidance. Sarcasm. Passive aggressive behavior.
You can't fix a problem that you can't see. You can't accept and productively channel feelings you don't even know you have.
Al-Anon helped me: going to meetings where I can express my emotions in a safe place. Expressing my emotions and learning that even emotions that feel bad right now aren't going to hurt me permanently. Sometimes in meditation I would discover feelings I didn't even know I had. Meditation helped me learn to watch feelings come, and then pass away. Learning tools in Al-Anon that help me deal with problems in less destructive ways. Learning to let people love me and learning to love myself.
None of these things happened overnight, but having a gentle healing program was (and is) what I need.
After...When I started to get in touch with my own feelings, I started to learn that I really was angry. I was like "Wow, I didn't know that was in there!" No one was more surprised than me. Or maybe I was the only one that was surprised!?
Growing up in a chaotic abusive home, emotions was dangerous and painful and I dealt with that by learning to stuff and repress them. I spent a lot of energy making sure that my emotions couldn't get out...and doing everything I could to make sure that I avoided the strong emotions of others. I used alcohol to hide feelings. I escaped in books and video games.
Like squeezing a balloon, what goes in on one side pops up somewhere else. Procrastination and avoidance. Sarcasm. Passive aggressive behavior.
You can't fix a problem that you can't see. You can't accept and productively channel feelings you don't even know you have.
Al-Anon helped me: going to meetings where I can express my emotions in a safe place. Expressing my emotions and learning that even emotions that feel bad right now aren't going to hurt me permanently. Sometimes in meditation I would discover feelings I didn't even know I had. Meditation helped me learn to watch feelings come, and then pass away. Learning tools in Al-Anon that help me deal with problems in less destructive ways. Learning to let people love me and learning to love myself.
None of these things happened overnight, but having a gentle healing program was (and is) what I need.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Here and now
Posts: 325
Originally Posted by mattmathews 
Before...I would have told people "I don't have an angry bone in my body."
After...When I started to get in touch with my own feelings, I started to learn that I really was angry. I was like "Wow, I didn't know that was in there!" No one was more surprised than me. Or maybe I was the only one that was surprised!?
Growing up in a chaotic abusive home, emotions was dangerous and painful and I dealt with that by learning to stuff and repress them. I spent a lot of energy making sure that my emotions couldn't get out...and doing everything I could to make sure that I avoided the strong emotions of others. I used alcohol to hide feelings. I escaped in books and video games.
Like squeezing a balloon, what goes in on one side pops up somewhere else. Procrastination and avoidance. Sarcasm. Passive aggressive behavior.
You can't fix a problem that you can't see. You can't accept and productively channel feelings you don't even know you have.
Al-Anon helped me: going to meetings where I can express my emotions in a safe place. Expressing my emotions and learning that even emotions that feel bad right now aren't going to hurt me permanently. Sometimes in meditation I would discover feelings I didn't even know I had. Meditation helped me learn to watch feelings come, and then pass away. Learning tools in Al-Anon that help me deal with problems in less destructive ways. Learning to let people love me and learning to love myself.
None of these things happened overnight, but having a gentle healing program was (and is) what I need.
After...When I started to get in touch with my own feelings, I started to learn that I really was angry. I was like "Wow, I didn't know that was in there!" No one was more surprised than me. Or maybe I was the only one that was surprised!?
Growing up in a chaotic abusive home, emotions was dangerous and painful and I dealt with that by learning to stuff and repress them. I spent a lot of energy making sure that my emotions couldn't get out...and doing everything I could to make sure that I avoided the strong emotions of others. I used alcohol to hide feelings. I escaped in books and video games.
Like squeezing a balloon, what goes in on one side pops up somewhere else. Procrastination and avoidance. Sarcasm. Passive aggressive behavior.
You can't fix a problem that you can't see. You can't accept and productively channel feelings you don't even know you have.
Al-Anon helped me: going to meetings where I can express my emotions in a safe place. Expressing my emotions and learning that even emotions that feel bad right now aren't going to hurt me permanently. Sometimes in meditation I would discover feelings I didn't even know I had. Meditation helped me learn to watch feelings come, and then pass away. Learning tools in Al-Anon that help me deal with problems in less destructive ways. Learning to let people love me and learning to love myself.
None of these things happened overnight, but having a gentle healing program was (and is) what I need.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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here is an example from my past involving this subject:
was in drugstore buying up huge supplies of liquor for XAH. after all, I was trying to save money, the booze was on sale, and it made sense to me at the time.
I had my cart loaded to the hilt. long line of customers behind me waiting to be checked out. I was angry at hubby, embarrassed about the huge amount of booze in my cart, upset about the expense,,,,,,,and then the cashier says....sorry, i'm not allowed to sell this much liquor in one sale to one person.
I was suddenly alone in the universe with a spotlight on me. I grabbed the persons cart behind me, slammed all their stuff out, divided my booze cache, and angrily shouted at the cashier, as I shoved money in her face, "here's my money! just take my money! take it! take it! you now have two orders of booze, not just one! JUST TAKE MY MONEY, YOU B!TCH!"
I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I left, shoved my hair out of my eyes, took and deep breath, and walked into my kitchen door with a huge smile on my face for my hubby.
hope this little story helps for understanding.
was in drugstore buying up huge supplies of liquor for XAH. after all, I was trying to save money, the booze was on sale, and it made sense to me at the time.
I had my cart loaded to the hilt. long line of customers behind me waiting to be checked out. I was angry at hubby, embarrassed about the huge amount of booze in my cart, upset about the expense,,,,,,,and then the cashier says....sorry, i'm not allowed to sell this much liquor in one sale to one person.
I was suddenly alone in the universe with a spotlight on me. I grabbed the persons cart behind me, slammed all their stuff out, divided my booze cache, and angrily shouted at the cashier, as I shoved money in her face, "here's my money! just take my money! take it! take it! you now have two orders of booze, not just one! JUST TAKE MY MONEY, YOU B!TCH!"
I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I left, shoved my hair out of my eyes, took and deep breath, and walked into my kitchen door with a huge smile on my face for my hubby.
hope this little story helps for understanding.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by embraced2000
was in drugstore buying up huge supplies of liquor for XAH. after all, I was trying to save money, the booze was on sale, and it made sense to me at the time.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by mattmathews
Been there. By the time I got to my bottom...I had absolutely no problem believing that my life was unmanageable and that I was insane.
The explanation--as I understand it--goes like this: It is anger that is initially suppressed or unexpressed (stuffed)......and, then, comes out--later--in these various forms: passive-aggressive behavior, being cynical and hostile, constantly putting others down, being critical of everyone and everything, chronically--irritable;grumpy;and complaining. Sometimes, it can also take the form of being socially withdrawn or in physical illness.
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