redatlanta

Well, I am praying he will be a member of the 10% club.

maggies

What does the 10% club mean??

ladyscribbler

One of the 10% of alcoholics who manage to maintain long term sobriety.

Live

I've asked all of his close family members and friends because I wondered Hammer! I really did and it was true that he was. They all said he was doing well! When I met him, he was just heading south with his sobriety. So sad to see him throw 20 years away like that. I've read that those who are sober for a long time and go back usually don't make it back to sobriety. I think I read here that there is less than 10% who will sober up again for the long haul. quote boxin

maggies

You mean to tell me that only 10% of people who want to get sober really get sober???!!!! That sound pretty grim.

Stung

That's long term sobriety meaning that they work a hard core program like their life depends on it...because it does!

A lot of alcoholics will go in and out of sobriety or being dry. The people who have long term, sustainable sobriety and happier fuller lives as a result of working a good program are few and far between. Even AA isn't really about drinking, that's the first step but really the only step that pertains to drinking. The rest is about being a better human being.

ladyscribbler

I think those 10% are the ones who really want it. It's an every day decision and choice and struggle for the alcoholic. That's why nothing that family or friends do make any difference in keeping someone sober in the long term.
My ex is still drinking, despite losing his family, job, education... He only wants to drink. That's enough for him. I pray that he finds recovery, but he has to want to make that choice for himself. Nothing I did ever changed him or helped him at all.

LoveMeNow

Some say 10% is considered a high percentage too!!

maggies

ladyscribbler, do you think there are alcoholics that really want it but just are unable to get it?

ladyscribbler

No. The ones who want it are the ones who do everything in their power to stay sober. They don't come home from jail or the hospital and immediately start drinking (my ex did this several times). He almost died a couple of times when he was drunk, and was angry with me for calling 911. They had to restart his heart twice when he was bleeding from a cut on his hand. He had 12 staples in his scalp to close it after he fell in the basement and hit his head.
Both times he came home and started drinking again. Right away, that day.
Kind of like someone who is about to lose his job but is spitting out Antabuse pills and drinking alone in the garage so the kids can't get their bikes.
Unless they truly want to quit, nothing will deter them. Alcoholism is sadly very powerful.

LoveMeNow

IMO, most late stage alcoholics can not get sober. The damage to the brain is too extensive.

Also, functioning alcoholism is just a stage not a type. The disease is progressive!!

maggies

Then I guess my husband is dead.

ladyscribbler

My ex too. Father of my youngest son. Unless God touches his heart. The ladies at my Alanon meetings talk about that sometimes.
They say "God wants your heart." A lot of them were married to alcoholics who either got sober or who they have left, but now they have sons and daughters who are alcoholics or addicts, and they pray that their children will one day want something better for themselves.
Growing up with an alcoholic father did something to me, so that I picked out alcoholics and messed up men to have relationships with in my adult life. My mother never got help, though she left my father. It wasn't enough. She was still sick and codependent, so that's how I grew up.
Mourn the dead after they're dead, anything else is a waste of time. Anything can happen while you're still alive. I learned that in Iraq.
I'll be praying for your family maggies. Alcoholism is a special kind of hell for families. You're doing the right thing to get away and spend some time for yourself this weekend.

LoveMeNow

Untreated addiction inevitably leads to jails, institutions and/or death.

maggies

But to be so negative doesn't make any sense.

LoveMeNow

Is it negative, denial or simply the truth? Nothing about active addiction is positive!

maggies

I honestly do not think I am as sick as some of you. So I guess I am in denial. My husband has been able to abstain from alcohol for long periods. I once went with him to a AA meeting. I was amazed at their laughter and positive outlook. The Alanon meeting I attended, I left literally crying.

ladyscribbler

Hope doesn't mean a front row seat to destruction. Is your husband abstaining from alcohol now? My ex went a whole year without drinking in Iraq. That means nothing to an alcoholic.
Give your kids to your mother to raise and go home to your husband if you are determined to see this through. At least you won't be dragging them to hell with you.
Good luck.

Stung

That's okay. I was saying the same thing a few months ago and was proved very wrong. Just keep coming back and keep sharing and learning. One thing is for sure, reading and posting here isn't making your husband drink more and hopefully it offers you some much needed support.

maggies

I'll pray for you.