The slow motion train wreck is picking up speed...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Texas
Posts: 28
The slow motion train wreck is picking up speed...
I haven't posted in a while because a LOT has happened in the last year and a half...and sometimes it's just hard to put things into words...
AH was told 15 months ago that if he did not stop drinking then, he most likely wouldn't live 2 years. He was in denial the whole time and kept drinking! (imagine that?!) So, we get to the beginning of March and he tells me he has a virus, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. He went to the doctor and without mentioning his drinking came home with all the appropriate meds... didn't get better.
Last Sunday, he came through and said he'd decided he better quit drinking and as of that night he was done! After 10+ years of drinking quarts of vodka a day, cold turkey is NOT a good idea!
All day Monday, he had major withdrawal symptoms but refused to go to the doctor. He was vomiting, completely incontinent, sweating then freezing, severely agitated and couldn't sleep! Tuesday he was doing the same so I took him to the doctor. He was honest this time about trying to detox and the doctor gave him meds to help but said to bring him back if ANYTHING changed. (Look up HEPATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY )
Wednesday morning he was weak and couldn't make complete sentences so I call his daughter and his doctor and headed to the ER less than 2 miles away. By the time we got him there, he didn't know who we were.
He was put into ICU and given meds to help, but mostly monitored. His condition continued to deteriorate. His kidneys started failing and his electrolyte levels were all messed up! Sunday morning they put him on a ventilator, and he still was getting worse. He had to be flown from our small town to a hospital in the city. The flight nurse didn't seem hopeful that he'd even make it through the flight!
He is still on the ventilator, they are running dialysis continuous, and they are having to give him meds to keep his blood pressure UP, antibiotics to keep him from getting septic! He has a NG tube for feeding, a catheter, and a rectal tube. He has an IV in his right groin, an arterial line in his right wrist to measure his blood pressure in real time, and a special catheter in his left groin for dialysis.
I struggle with being here. I told him the first time they diagnosed his cirrhosis that he was on his own...that I would not call 911 and I would not sit at the hospital with him. All the other times he's gone in, he was throwing up blood or passing blood. It never occurred to me that things would go this way.
The doctors say he's breathing mostly on his own and they want to take him off the ventilator later today. We still don't know if his kidneys will recover, and his liver is still shot, and we won't know for a few more days what his neurological status will be. He could bounce back and be like he was before. Or, he could be stuck in a wheelchair (he lost his leg last year in an accident), staring at the wall, pooping on himself, and going to dialysis a few days a week for the next 10 or 20 years. And, there's still a chance he won't survive this! As of this post he has been unresponsive for one full week. Only time will tell what his outcome will be.
I am not looking for advice or sympathy. I just want to put this out there for those who are in denial regarding what alcoholism does to a person and their family! I knew he was an alcoholic when I married him...I just didn't know then how bad it could get!
AH was told 15 months ago that if he did not stop drinking then, he most likely wouldn't live 2 years. He was in denial the whole time and kept drinking! (imagine that?!) So, we get to the beginning of March and he tells me he has a virus, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. He went to the doctor and without mentioning his drinking came home with all the appropriate meds... didn't get better.
Last Sunday, he came through and said he'd decided he better quit drinking and as of that night he was done! After 10+ years of drinking quarts of vodka a day, cold turkey is NOT a good idea!
All day Monday, he had major withdrawal symptoms but refused to go to the doctor. He was vomiting, completely incontinent, sweating then freezing, severely agitated and couldn't sleep! Tuesday he was doing the same so I took him to the doctor. He was honest this time about trying to detox and the doctor gave him meds to help but said to bring him back if ANYTHING changed. (Look up HEPATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY )
Wednesday morning he was weak and couldn't make complete sentences so I call his daughter and his doctor and headed to the ER less than 2 miles away. By the time we got him there, he didn't know who we were.
He was put into ICU and given meds to help, but mostly monitored. His condition continued to deteriorate. His kidneys started failing and his electrolyte levels were all messed up! Sunday morning they put him on a ventilator, and he still was getting worse. He had to be flown from our small town to a hospital in the city. The flight nurse didn't seem hopeful that he'd even make it through the flight!
He is still on the ventilator, they are running dialysis continuous, and they are having to give him meds to keep his blood pressure UP, antibiotics to keep him from getting septic! He has a NG tube for feeding, a catheter, and a rectal tube. He has an IV in his right groin, an arterial line in his right wrist to measure his blood pressure in real time, and a special catheter in his left groin for dialysis.
I struggle with being here. I told him the first time they diagnosed his cirrhosis that he was on his own...that I would not call 911 and I would not sit at the hospital with him. All the other times he's gone in, he was throwing up blood or passing blood. It never occurred to me that things would go this way.
The doctors say he's breathing mostly on his own and they want to take him off the ventilator later today. We still don't know if his kidneys will recover, and his liver is still shot, and we won't know for a few more days what his neurological status will be. He could bounce back and be like he was before. Or, he could be stuck in a wheelchair (he lost his leg last year in an accident), staring at the wall, pooping on himself, and going to dialysis a few days a week for the next 10 or 20 years. And, there's still a chance he won't survive this! As of this post he has been unresponsive for one full week. Only time will tell what his outcome will be.
I am not looking for advice or sympathy. I just want to put this out there for those who are in denial regarding what alcoholism does to a person and their family! I knew he was an alcoholic when I married him...I just didn't know then how bad it could get!
How are you doing? I hope you have a good support network for you. Sending prayers and hugs!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
What a horrible situation to experience. It is always amazing to me that an alcoholic does not believe it when they say STOP OR YOU WILL DIE. How much more clear is that? I send you big hugs during this difficult time. No matter what your own decisions are, you have done all you could.
In my opinion a moderator should also post this to the alcoholics board so they realize what can happen, that it is not just empty threats when a physician tells you this.
In my opinion a moderator should also post this to the alcoholics board so they realize what can happen, that it is not just empty threats when a physician tells you this.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. And I want to thank you for sharing the gruesome details of what's happening to your AH. I know it cannot have been easy to type those words.
I know we live in that world of "oh that won't happen" but the truth is, you just showed us the end stages of untreated alcoholism. It is heartbreaking. Whichever way things go from here.
I hope you have a support system and can take care of yourself. I can hear your pain.
Big hugs.
I know we live in that world of "oh that won't happen" but the truth is, you just showed us the end stages of untreated alcoholism. It is heartbreaking. Whichever way things go from here.
I hope you have a support system and can take care of yourself. I can hear your pain.
Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
In my opinion a moderator should also post this to the alcoholics board so they realize what can happen, that it is not just empty threats when a physician tells you this.
You just can't scare an alcoholic or drug addict straight.
It has to come from within. And from within is where the real change begins.
Very sorry that this is happening.
It is very sad.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Things like this have been posted by alcoholics and spouses of alcoholics over the years here. Many active alcoholics are in such denial about what will happen to them, that it would not make any difference.
My stepson was told that if he drank again, it would kill him....he's drinking again.
My stepson was told that if he drank again, it would kill him....he's drinking again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by NotTheMama
I am not looking for advice or sympathy. I just want to put this out there for those who are in denial regarding what alcoholism does to a person and their family! I knew he was an alcoholic when I married him...I just didn't know then how bad it could get!
prayers just sent out from Southern California (8:53 AM)
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
how heartbreaking, dear one. the body can put up with simply insane amounts of abuse until one day when it can't anymore. it's a sad cautionary tale. sending thoughts of peace and strength your way.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by hopeful4
In my opinion a moderator should also post this to the alcoholics board so they realize what can happen, that it is not just empty threats when a physician tells you this.
Very sorry to hear the news OP, all the best to you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 9
Thank you for your courage to post your story. I'm so sorry for your pain and sadness. I feel your inner conflict about staying by his side. I too just took my AH to the hospital yesterday. He's not at the stage your describing but was well on the fast track toward it. I don't know yet if this will be his wake up call or not. I read stories like yours and my heart breaks for the family who must watch it. It's a strange thing to love an alcoholic.
I too, hope you have a good support system or even just one person you can truly open up to about this. You can't keep this all on your shoulders. You are important and in spite of everything you deserve peace. Please take care. I'm sending you my thoughts and prayers.
I too, hope you have a good support system or even just one person you can truly open up to about this. You can't keep this all on your shoulders. You are important and in spite of everything you deserve peace. Please take care. I'm sending you my thoughts and prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Texas
Posts: 28
The final update: At 2:30 am on Thursday, April 10th my AH passed peacefully from this life. I say peacefully because he was attached to 6 IV lines, a ventilator, and a catheter. His face was the color of brown mustard, and his eyes were a vivid unnatural yellow. Up until the ventilator, he couldn't make complete sentences, and even the fragments didn't make sense. Tests showed the entire esophagus was ulcerated, and they couldn't check further due to bleeding.
It is a strange mix of emotions that I feel right now. Relief, sadness, bitterness, confusion, and just overwhelming loss! I also feel a small amount of hope for the future.
I've known this day was coming, and I have been preparing physically, emotionally and financially, but I still feel like the damn train ran over me anyway!
I expect I will be back here from time to time and maybe be able to offer hope to another of you who may be struggling. I will say this... If I had known then what I know now... I would have run the other way! Take what you like, leave the rest!
Wishing you all much peace and love.
It is a strange mix of emotions that I feel right now. Relief, sadness, bitterness, confusion, and just overwhelming loss! I also feel a small amount of hope for the future.
I've known this day was coming, and I have been preparing physically, emotionally and financially, but I still feel like the damn train ran over me anyway!
I expect I will be back here from time to time and maybe be able to offer hope to another of you who may be struggling. I will say this... If I had known then what I know now... I would have run the other way! Take what you like, leave the rest!
Wishing you all much peace and love.
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