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Old 02-09-2014, 10:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Al-Anon for wives

Learning that my husband of 18 years is an alcoholic has left me feeling like I am communicating in a foreign language - and I only know 3 words! Even thinking is difficult. A meeting seems crucial for him...but maybe for me, too. Have people found help with Al-Anon?

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Old 02-09-2014, 10:56 AM   #2 (permalink)
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or men/husbands, etc.. or kids. or parents.

The basic theme is Alanon is for the Family and Friends of Alcoholics.

Good Stuff. Go.
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Old 02-09-2014, 12:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Damaged, a meeting absolutely IS crucial for you too--you are on the right track! http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ here's a link to help you find one.

If you search this forum for "Alanon", you'll find a ton of references to Alanon from those of us who have indeed found help there. There are some threads dealing specifically with how people feel it has helped them, too. It may take some searching to locate those, but they are very worthwhile. This is from the stickied threads at the top of the page, to get you started: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ings-like.html (What are Al-Anon meetings like?)

If you can get your hands on any Alanon literature, that will likely be useful too. You can find a lot of choices, very reasonably priced, on Amazon. Your local library may have some of the books also.

Please do check out several meetings--anonymity is taken very seriously and newcomers are welcomed warmly. Everyone there will understand where you are at, and there is absolutely no pressure to speak or do anything you are not comfortable doing. Many folks say that at their first meeting, they just felt a huge weight slide off their shoulders. I hope this happens for you.

Taking care of yourself by checking into Alanon may be one of the most important things you ever do for yourself!
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Old 02-09-2014, 01:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Yes, Alanon was helpful to me in getting me out of the house, and away from my alcoholic boyfriend's scary, self-destructive behavior.

I found the literature helpful; there is was in black and white - all the broken, sick dynamics that I had fallen into with my A. I was clearly co-dependent, and at least to an extent, enabling his alcoholism by my own denial and complicity. The people were warm and understanding, and it was wonderful to come out of isolation and back to a room full of sober people.

Sorry for what brings you here looking for help, but I am glad you found us.
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Old 02-09-2014, 04:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I think wives make up like 90% of Al-Anon...I could be wrong...
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Old 02-10-2014, 07:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by choublak View Post
I think wives make up like 90% of Al-Anon...I could be wrong...
There are more women. Some meetings there are several men. It feels good to know it is not a woman's "weakness" to be in al anon as it affects both genders.

And I am very surprised after joining this forum a few years ago that there are many men affected by a woman's drinking!

Drinking as just an old boy's club ailment is just not so....
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Old 02-10-2014, 08:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I think wives make up like 90% of Al-Anon...I could be wrong...
There are also more "parents" than it may first appear.

Often women -- having rid themselves of the A-Dad, now are dealing with the kids.

And some are "children of." They, in particular seem to keep their mouths shut about details, so you may not even know, once you think you have started to know them.

Funny about the Men part. In my Men's Step Study -- there are three Leaders, two Senior Guys, and the rest of 15 or so of us F-ed Up Losers (not really just this stuff is just dragging me right to the bottom . . . and that is ok). But with 20 total -- I figure this MUST be about 1/2 the Alanon guys in all of Dallas Of course not really on that, either, but those are mind games I play to avoid working too hard on it.
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Old 02-10-2014, 08:59 AM   #8 (permalink)
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But with 20 total -- I figure this MUST be about 1/2 the Alanon guys in all of Dallas Of course not really on that, either, but those are mind games I play to avoid working too hard on it.
Yeah, I don't think so. My city is about 1/2 the size of yours and we have way more al-anon guys than that The night meetings I've attended are all close to 50/50 on gender. We women outnumber the men 3:1+ in the day meetings though!
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:04 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Often women -- having rid themselves of the A-Dad, now are dealing with the kids.
The meeting I go to, there are quite a few women with young kids, who are in the process of divorcing their A husbands, but it's very difficult because the A won't leave them alone lol.
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:07 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I go to Celebrate Recovery and don't know where I would be without it. The unconditional support I have found there is amazing. It has also put my focus back on me and made me realize I have needs out of a relationship that have to be met. It makes me focus on my life and what I can control. It helps me realize what I cannot control and that is ok.
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:22 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I have not yet done Al-Anon meetings but I have been reading the literature. Right now I'm reading Under the Influence. Sometimes I get emotional thnking/reading about all the damage my AH is putting his body through.
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