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|11-30-2013, 01:41 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2013
You know how to tell if an alcoholic is lying?
You know how to tell if an alcoholic is lying? Their lips are moving. I'll never forget those words--they came from my AH's drug and alcohol counselor. I believe my AH is once again trying to getting sober, after relapsing shortly after exiting inpatient rehab. But how am I to trust him again? And how does he not realize that I know about his dishonesty and manipulation since he exited rehab?
We are currently separated and there is a Protection Order because of his behavior, which also limits communication between us. While this is a good thing, he constantly abuses it by texting me regarding our relationship etc. We are only to communicate to arrange supervised visits of our daughter. I could easily tell him off, prove him wrong, point out his lies and manipulation, but I want to stick to the protection order. I wonder if he thinks I am falling for any of it.
While I am happy that he is currently trying to get sober again, he has constantly proven to me that he cannot be trusted. Why doesn't he see that? His most recent obsession is whether or not I am dating someone. He has hacked my online accounts, followed me online etc. I received notification of it last week and had him blocked. He of course takes that as guilt and again assumes I am dating through the internet. I guess it is easier for him to believe that something other than his drinking and lying ended our marriage.
Since he exited rehab on 11/19, he has repeatedly lied, trespassed and used my parents' vacant home as a hang out, left (or gotten kicked out of) the clean and sober house that his parents were paying for, phished around for information from my friends and family and the internet (by hacking my accounts) to find out if I have a boyfriend, which I don't, asked me to drop the protection order, violated the protection order in a variety of ways, begged me to let him come home by telling me he was living in his truck (which he wasn't), failed to show up to sign refinance paperwork on our house, lied to me and his family and friends about where he would be on Thanksgiving and blew off his family's Thanksgiving, and the list goes on...
Call me crazy...but I am starting to think his counselor was right.
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|11-30-2013, 01:46 PM||#2 (permalink)|
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Speaking from the alcoholic side. If it somehow threaten my drinking I was lying
I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
Came back to life 7.24.2009
|11-30-2013, 01:49 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2012
Don't try to apply regular human normie logic to his actions, it will just drive you nuts. He doesn't see that you can't trust him because he doesn't want to. Period.
You're doing well by limiting engagement despite what appear to be outrageous breaches of the protection order. I am so sorry he is putting you through this. Whether he is "attempting sobriety" or not, it seems like his focus isn't anywhere near where it should be if he really wants to recover. It sounds like he just really wants all the pieces in his life back in place where they were before so that he doesn't actually have to change. He is amping it all up because you, strong soul that you are, aren't falling for it.
You do you. Let him do him. Sending you strength and patience and hugs.
Don't let what you can't control get in the way of what you can.
|11-30-2013, 03:08 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Report his violations of the protection order. Why continue the enabling by allowing him to avoid the consequences of his actions?
Sanity is giving up the illusion of control.
Happiness is letting go of the past.
Serenity is just being me.
|11-30-2013, 03:13 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2012
I expect my A lies without saying anything, lies in his sleep, lies while brushing his teeth, sitting in traffic, petting the cat. If he is still breathing, he's still lying.
|11-30-2013, 05:29 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Last edited by DesertEyes; 11-30-2013 at 07:34 PM. Reason: Fixed broken quote
|11-30-2013, 06:37 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2012
|12-01-2013, 01:51 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2008
Blog Entries: 2
Please do everything you can to stay safe. Your husband sounds like an increasingly desperate and dangerous man. You and your little one are in my prayers.
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