Things a "normie" wouldn't know.... Part 3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 40
A normie would have a husband that would actually turn the loud music down when asked, since the children are sleeping and every word of the music that's being played can be heard in the house coming from the detached garage.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by amy79 
Normies wouldn't be worried about getting a part time job, despite the major need, because they could trust their husband to watch the kids and be responsible in the evenings and on weekends.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
Posts: 528
A normie wouldn't think to herself, "What's Robo Trippin'?" and instantly think, "Oh, that must be when they drink Robitussin for the high."
A normie wouldn't think, "Maybe I should try that."
A normie wouldn't think, "Maybe I should try that."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
Posts: 528
A normie would know already that she shouldn't be supervising her X during his visit with their son. She would remember that he is still poison and won't be respectful of her. She would remember that helping X with anything other than getting to treatment or AA is enablement. She would not be in a situation where she feels like she enables X when she is trying to help her son have a relationship with his father. She won't feel guilty if she says, "No." She won't spend days feeling jacked up because he still doesn't love her, even though she disapproves of him and thinks he has terrible judgment.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Fl
Posts: 118
A Normie wouldn't have the detective skills that even Sherlock Holmes would be envious
Of.
A normies husband wouldn't tell her she should have been a detective and wonder if that's a compliment or not (clearly not)
A Normie wouldn't think while walking innocently through any room in the house, hey that would be a good hiding spot and immediately go search it for alchohol/ drugs
A Normie would not have to have conversations with her children about why she will not take the debit card so dad won't buy booze
A Normie wouldn't immediately think, "what did you do?" If their spouse paid them a compliment
Of.
A normies husband wouldn't tell her she should have been a detective and wonder if that's a compliment or not (clearly not)
A Normie wouldn't think while walking innocently through any room in the house, hey that would be a good hiding spot and immediately go search it for alchohol/ drugs
A Normie would not have to have conversations with her children about why she will not take the debit card so dad won't buy booze
A Normie wouldn't immediately think, "what did you do?" If their spouse paid them a compliment
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: sitting down and facing front
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by amy79
A normie would have a husband that would actually turn the loud music down when asked, since the children are sleeping and every word of the music that's being played can be heard in the house coming from the detached garage.
If its one of "those" nights, said husband will probably just turn it up louder if anyone dares to complain - how rude of us!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
Thank you everyone so much, these threads about 'normies' have been so helpful to me. I now realise ways of abuse that happened to me that I didn't even realise was abuse
I have read through all parts of the thread over the last few days and wow. So much hit me. It has helped me move my recovery a big step forward.
I am ACOA, as well as having AH!
I have read through all parts of the thread over the last few days and wow. So much hit me. It has helped me move my recovery a big step forward.
I am ACOA, as well as having AH!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 194
Originally Posted by amy55
Ok, don't start------ you'll get me going
Normies don't know that you can put quacking ducks on your phone as a ringtone so that you don't answer the phone, actually I didn't know how to do that, so I put on "unwell" by Rob Thomas
Normies don't know that you can put quacking ducks on your phone as a ringtone so that you don't answer the phone, actually I didn't know how to do that, so I put on "unwell" by Rob Thomas
I think people here are aware of the horrible person alcohol makes them and hence why they are here to throw out or at least try throw out the habit. People need to have some sense of pride to find the motivation to quit drinking. Constant shaming in my experience would just make them drink more.
EDIT : I see am in the section for "friends and families". My apologies. As you were.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
McFearless....
I think that nobody is trying to shame anyone here. Shame is something only one can feel if they have guilt. Addiction does not only effect the addict, but those that love the addict. The tables can be turned and all of the things that an addict can say during their addiction to try to make the loved ones feel shame is intense and it happens.
Abuse comes along with addiction. Each and every person on this board has a story. Each of us here has loved an addict. Some of us are recovering addicts ourselves and still love an addict.
We feel... Not normal. No other way to say it than that. The love we had/have for these people is deep. We are coming to the realization of how we had to change our lives and walk on egg shells and ignore red flags. We are having to come to the realization that we can not love their addiction away. We are coming to the realization that often times our going above and beyond to try to make them feel loved and cherished has done nothing but harm ourselves as we were putting all of their needs in front of our own. We pampered them, and neglected ourselves. In the long run it did nothing for them but enable their poor behaviors while using, and neglected the love and understanding towards ourselves.
We are here to support one another as we are making our recovery. We encourage each of you in your forum to love and encourage each other as well. We are sharing things that happened to each of us in our codependency in trying to heal them or support them, while each person in the other forum encourage each other to be healthy and well. That is the goal for each of us.
I know that if others on this forum are like me, we go to the other site and read the stories there, and it hurts each of us deeply with the pain each of the people have gone through as well.
We are friends. We are family.... of addicts. We do love them. We however, are putting the ball in their court to help themselves as we can't cure it. We can't. We have all tried. I promise. I promise you that each person here has loved and loved beyond measure. We have listened... we have encouraged. Some of us are in financial ruin due to our addicts addiction. Some of us are so beat down by the emotional, physical, and verbal abuse of our addict... but we stayed... feeling bad and sorry for them.... feeling if we loved them enough it would change. It doesn't.... not because of us at least.
Nobody says that I have to go to the other board to read... but I do. I have enough empathy to want to try to understand what is like on that side. I don't have to but I do. I take mental notes. I cry. I feel bad, as each of us has a story.
Many of us here, not only love/loved an addict, but came from dysfunctional homes, living with an addict growing up.... some didn't have an addict for a parent, but it was so dysfunctional, that it formed us into the same style of thinking, that we weren't worth it, so we settle for dysfunction in our adult relationships. It is ok to us that the drug of choice which includes alcohol, becomes more important to them than those of us that love that person. Our needs come in last. Our wants come in last. Our goals become second... because we will do anything for that addict. That is not healthy thinking on our part, and we are simply trying here, to heal ourselves just like people on the other forum are.
Not one of us is more worthy of love than another. Not the addict, and not ourselves. We are simply here trying to learn that we are worthy of love, aspirations and goals just as much as our loved one. We are setting our boundaries, and putting ourselves in a picture of worthy.
I wish everyone on this board, and any board on this forum well. We are all here to heal in one way or another and need to put those needs first.
I think that nobody is trying to shame anyone here. Shame is something only one can feel if they have guilt. Addiction does not only effect the addict, but those that love the addict. The tables can be turned and all of the things that an addict can say during their addiction to try to make the loved ones feel shame is intense and it happens.
Abuse comes along with addiction. Each and every person on this board has a story. Each of us here has loved an addict. Some of us are recovering addicts ourselves and still love an addict.
We feel... Not normal. No other way to say it than that. The love we had/have for these people is deep. We are coming to the realization of how we had to change our lives and walk on egg shells and ignore red flags. We are having to come to the realization that we can not love their addiction away. We are coming to the realization that often times our going above and beyond to try to make them feel loved and cherished has done nothing but harm ourselves as we were putting all of their needs in front of our own. We pampered them, and neglected ourselves. In the long run it did nothing for them but enable their poor behaviors while using, and neglected the love and understanding towards ourselves.
We are here to support one another as we are making our recovery. We encourage each of you in your forum to love and encourage each other as well. We are sharing things that happened to each of us in our codependency in trying to heal them or support them, while each person in the other forum encourage each other to be healthy and well. That is the goal for each of us.
I know that if others on this forum are like me, we go to the other site and read the stories there, and it hurts each of us deeply with the pain each of the people have gone through as well.
We are friends. We are family.... of addicts. We do love them. We however, are putting the ball in their court to help themselves as we can't cure it. We can't. We have all tried. I promise. I promise you that each person here has loved and loved beyond measure. We have listened... we have encouraged. Some of us are in financial ruin due to our addicts addiction. Some of us are so beat down by the emotional, physical, and verbal abuse of our addict... but we stayed... feeling bad and sorry for them.... feeling if we loved them enough it would change. It doesn't.... not because of us at least.
Nobody says that I have to go to the other board to read... but I do. I have enough empathy to want to try to understand what is like on that side. I don't have to but I do. I take mental notes. I cry. I feel bad, as each of us has a story.
Many of us here, not only love/loved an addict, but came from dysfunctional homes, living with an addict growing up.... some didn't have an addict for a parent, but it was so dysfunctional, that it formed us into the same style of thinking, that we weren't worth it, so we settle for dysfunction in our adult relationships. It is ok to us that the drug of choice which includes alcohol, becomes more important to them than those of us that love that person. Our needs come in last. Our wants come in last. Our goals become second... because we will do anything for that addict. That is not healthy thinking on our part, and we are simply trying here, to heal ourselves just like people on the other forum are.
Not one of us is more worthy of love than another. Not the addict, and not ourselves. We are simply here trying to learn that we are worthy of love, aspirations and goals just as much as our loved one. We are setting our boundaries, and putting ourselves in a picture of worthy.
I wish everyone on this board, and any board on this forum well. We are all here to heal in one way or another and need to put those needs first.
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
Normies, would think these are funny "drunk jokes" like we are all aspiring comedians. I suppose we are all sort of laughing too in hindsight, but WOW!!! So many lighthearted jokes about drinking and drunk antics. Not so "funny" in real life eh?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 39
a normie...
wouldn't see the point of leaving half a bottle of wine you got as a gift from your friends in your fridge just to show your friends it can stay there without being touched. Because at your A boyfriends home it would be gone before you knew it...
wouldn't see the point of leaving half a bottle of wine you got as a gift from your friends in your fridge just to show your friends it can stay there without being touched. Because at your A boyfriends home it would be gone before you knew it...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
Wow, I just read this entire thread.
Normal people don't work late every night and get a weekend job to postpone dealing with a drunk wife.
They have people over to the house sometimes.
They don't apologize for their spouse's behavior.
Normal people don't work late every night and get a weekend job to postpone dealing with a drunk wife.
They have people over to the house sometimes.
They don't apologize for their spouse's behavior.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Greenville sc
Posts: 137
Normies don't know about knowing everything you just heard form their husband was an out right lie but not having the desire or the energy to protest because you can't reason or talk logically with a AH/DAH.
Normies wouldn't know about the rent won't get paid because of the need to go on a bender so "we" will figure it out later. but later when the landlord shows up it's only me no we.
Normies wouldn't know how crazy one feels when they finally understand how foolish it is to crave love and connection from a person who treats them poorly. But a normie would have a higher self-esteem so they would know that they deserve better. ........
Normies wouldn't know about the rent won't get paid because of the need to go on a bender so "we" will figure it out later. but later when the landlord shows up it's only me no we.
Normies wouldn't know how crazy one feels when they finally understand how foolish it is to crave love and connection from a person who treats them poorly. But a normie would have a higher self-esteem so they would know that they deserve better. ........
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 254
normies don't tell their once-loving mothers they found out they might have breast cancer, just to see if it would still illicit a loving or concerned response if they were seriously ill.
(btw it didn't. the most i got from my once 'i would move heaven and earth for you my most precious daughter' mom was 'well, let me know what happens.' and then the next day she'd totally forgotten about it)
(btw it didn't. the most i got from my once 'i would move heaven and earth for you my most precious daughter' mom was 'well, let me know what happens.' and then the next day she'd totally forgotten about it)
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