A good article on Alcoholic Thinking
 

This is an article written by Jim LaPierre, LCSW, CCS

It's a succint explanation of the thought processes and behaviors of an active alcoholic in his professional experience. I think many of us recognize these behaviors in our loved ones. A newbie member in our Newcomers to Recovery forum posted about this article, and I wanted to share it here.

The Insanity of Alcoholism
Sadly, well intentioned folks try to protect the alcoholic from him/herself (enabling) or try to predict what they will do next (no crystal ball available). There are hundreds of wise sayings amongst alcoholics in recovery. Some are meant to make you think and some are meant to be taken very literally. Alcoholics Anonymous refers to, “the insanity of our disease.” This is a very literal statement. I can tell you a bit about understanding the active alcoholic but I cannot make it make sense to you because understanding the active alcoholic requires stripping away a lot of rational thought, the acknowledgement and willingness to learn from mistakes, the ability to recognize obvious patterns of behavior, and quite often, the application of common sense.

There are at least a hundred forms of alcoholism. What I am describing here is the person who is still drinking, is high functioning, and has not yet lost the things they hold dear. The disease of addiction dictates that they will lose these things in time and the rule of threes dictates a grim long term prognosis (jail, institution, and/or death).

Alcoholics think, act, believe, and feel based on distorted perceptions or themselves and the world around them. They live at the extremes of all or nothing. There is no moderation, no middle ground, no compromise, and no gray area in their worldview. To varying degrees, alcoholics live in denial of their destructiveness (self and others) and this further distorts what they are able to make sense of.

"Probably"
Alcoholics are the very best liars because they are able to use rationalization and justification to convince themselves that a lie is truth. This happens subconsciously. They are not aware that they are, if you’ll pardon the term – mind screwing themselves. Alcoholics adopt a language that facilitates lying in a way that sounds very well intentioned. Their favorite word is, “probably.” This word implies intention where in fact none exists. An alcoholic who tells you they will probably do something is highly unlikely to do it. Using words like these provides them a loop hole – an escape hatch in which no absolutes are given and no promises made. The alcoholic relies on words and phrases like: possibly, maybe, would, could, should, I’d like to, I want to, I need to. These words mean nothing. They sound good but almost always lead to disappointment. Progressively, alcoholism blurs every line and impacts every interaction, every relationship, every part of the alcoholic’s world.

Firehouse Management
Putting blinders on a horse leaves it with no peripheral vision – such is the worldview of the alcoholic. They may attend to many things, but in order to do so they must turn their attention away from one thing and toward another. Multitasking for the alcoholic means making many messes at once. There is no balance for the active alcoholic. As one area of their life declines they will often focus their attention on it and take it to an extreme. As this happens, another part of their life declines and gradually their life becomes dictated by “firehouse management” – every course of action becomes based on the most pressing problem. This is an inevitably downward spiral, though some alcoholics manage to maintain it for a very long time.

External Locus of Control
As alcoholics tend to drink progressively more they will generally conceal the frequency and amount they drink. They will tell you they only had three glasses of wine and this is true. What they have not told you is that each glass was a 16 ounce tumbler. It is not only the drinking that gets hidden; it is also the negative affects alcohol produces in their lives. Alcoholics develop what counselors call “an external locus of control.” Progressively, everything is someone else’s fault. If their job is going poorly it’s because their boss hates them. If their marriage suffers then their spouse is unreasonable. If they fail as parents they will see their children as ungrateful. Everything and everyone becomes a reason to drink. The spiraling alcoholic will often say that they don’t even want to drink but that circumstances like their horrible job/spouse/kids “force” them to.

Self-Pity and the Sense of Entitlement
Alcoholics often have a bizarre sense of entitlement. They reason that having such a difficult/stressful/demanding life entitles them to act in ways that are immature, irresponsible, and selfish. To observe their behavior is to conclude a belief that the world must owe them something. The active alcoholic wallows in self-pity and concludes that they are a victim of life. As they demand more from the world they expect less and less from themselves.

Appearance over Substance
The quickest route to self destruction for alcoholics are the words, “Screw it.” This is a declaration that everything is already screwed so they might as well drink. When people decide to stop drinking we encourage them to notice that “It” is actually, “Me.” This is evident in, “It’s not worth it.” On some level the alcoholic always knows the truth and they are usually working hard not to know it. They pretend and demand that those close to them buy into the fantasy that all is well. Life becomes progressively less about anything substantive and progressively more about maintaining appearances. This is well explained in Pink’s song, “Family Portrait.” “In our family portrait we look pretty happy. We look pretty normal…”

Master Manipulators
Alcoholics are master manipulators. They may not have been con artists before they started drinking but they come to have remarkable skills. They are the folks who can sell ice to Eskimos. They will pick a fight with you because they want to leave and they will have you believing it’s your fault. They show little or no accountability. They may have had integrity before their addiction kicked in but it will be conspicuously absent from their lives as they spiral. There is often one exception to this rule for each alcoholic – one thing they do especially well and it will most generally be their sole source of self esteem. We have known a large number of alcoholics who have incredible work ethics because being a good worker is the one thing they know they’re good at…well, they will say that and drinking.

Alcoholism - A Unique Disease
The disease of alcoholism gradually and insidiously strips everything away from a person. We have been asked countless times whether alcoholism is truly a disease or a choice. In truth it is both. Alcoholism is unique as a disease in that it not only hides from view – it also lies to its carrier about its presence. The person who is active in addiction has a unique choice relative to all other diseases. The alcoholic can go into remission at any time and many do. We see that alcoholics will abstain from drinking for a time to prove to themselves or others that they are not addicted, only to return later with a vengeance.

This is from an article entitled: Alcoholic Thinking - Understanding the Insanity of Alcoholism: How the Alcoholic Thinks

Thanks, S,

Pretty accurate, IMO.

Thanks.. I really like the part where it said to understand an alcoholic you need to let go of rational thinking. :)

This is the part the is just so sad for me.

Thanks, Seren for posting this. This looks like "sticky" material, to me.

I think that self-education about the nature of this disease is an important step for everyone suffering from the effects of loving an alcoholic. So much of it is counterintuitive. What might work in a "normal" (non-addictive) relationship will backfire with an alcoholic.

Until I really learned about the nature of the disease---I spent years enabling without realizing it---and, beating myself up for the wrong reasons.

On another note---we now have a groundhog living under our backyard shed. He/she is sooo cute. I see it sitting under the apple tree every day eating the apples---also, the tomatoes in the garden! No curlers or cup of coffee, though.

I think of your avitar every time I see him/her.

dandylion

Sticky, definitely. This was one of the most succinct, straight-forward articles I've seen about alcoholism. It describes my experience with my AH to a T.

Wow. This is SO true with my AH. It's all I can do sometimes to hang onto what I know to be true when I'm being told that black is white.

I would love an article on how we go wrong in our thinking...it would be very interesting indeed, long, and countless variables, but perhaps we too share similar dysfunctional thinking the same as alcoholics do?
To help ourselves we have to focus on ourselves, just like they do. If only it was so easy to point the finger at something in us. For alcoholics, they can start with the easy one--alcohol. And the rest of us?

"Appearance over Substance"

For many years my AH was (and still is) a master of appearances...he would get sh$t faced for no reason at night, and I mean, no reason, I did not even see the alcohol, or see him drink, I would just suddenly notice that he couldn't speak properly and he'd go crash and start snoring in a minute; and wake up the next morning as if everything was fantastic....Wow....

There are parts in the article that overlap and could also be applied to codependency.

I have the same experience as you Ripper...it's mind boggling, isn't it? To us it feels like something awful and traumatic happened. To them? I don't know just what they are thinking the next morning except it's a new fresh day?

I will have to take a look at it in that light, choublak, could be very interesting to do so. Anything in particular that you think overlaps?

Thanks for this today - I need motivation. If I want a happy and peaceful life, I can't expect it with an active A in the house.

Self-Pity and the Sense of Entitlement
Alcoholics often have a bizarre sense of entitlement. They reason that having such a difficult/stressful/demanding life entitles them to act in ways that are immature, irresponsible, and selfish. To observe their behavior is to conclude a belief that the world must owe them something. The active alcoholic wallows in self-pity and concludes that they are a victim of life. As they demand more from the world they expect less and less from themselves.



i find of them are still with this "after" they stop drinking and LEARNING the tools...

I am dealing with this NOW with my recovery A and also when my A/NA left me few years back...."I am learning though"

Excellent article, and spot on to my experiences. Thanks for sharing, Seren.
~T

Seren,
Thank you for posting this. I agree that it is sticky-worthy.
I have been struggling with some co-parenting/visitation issues with my STBAXH and I have been trying to apply rational thought in understanding where he is coming from. Although I don't know for sure whether he is drinking or not (seems as though he is not), his brain is still very much in the mode of active addiction. This article is so perfect - succinct and powerful. I need to read it a few more times and let it sink in...I know it will help me with what I am currently dealing with.
Thank you Thank you Thank you
MamaKit

Yes, I saw some of myself in there, too, especially the section on 'firehouse management'. I'd have to re-read it but I'm sure there are other places where they overlap. I agree that this should be a sticky because it succinctly explains alcoholic thinking especially for those who have never read books on addiction or codependency.

Thanks for posting a good article. 2 things really hit home with me:
1. "probably" about the lying--I heard my exAH say all the time "it's not a lie if I believe it to be true" I truly understand now how he actually believes his own lies.
2. "Master Manipulator" This one difficult - If they are so affected by the alcohol how do they get so good at manipulating others. I don't drink & not under the influence of anything I can't even get people to return a phone call sometime. This is one of their traits I would actually like to have!!!

Oh, gosh! SO true! It's been a whirlwind month of "what the h did I get myself INto???" I don't even know where to begin to repair my life. I'm starting everywhere all at once!

The sense of entitlement, in that we codependents feel "entitled" to fix and arrange other people's lives the way we see fit.

I say Creepy. :c029:
Oh and as usual, my vote's the same as Florence.

Stick this at the top.

Probably the best thing I've read in a while.