Alonon taught me things beyond what I imagined - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Dazimae · 05-16-2004, 07:29 AM

I have to admit when I called the alonon number and asked questions the lady told me alonon teaches you how to live with an alcoholic, she has lived with one 36 out of the 39 years she has been married... I THOUGHT OH NO I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH ONE I WANT HIM TO STOP.
I am glad I hung in there and found this place because alonon is working in a way I had never thought. I used to make my self sick worring about how many beers he had, looking for his stash, yelling crying,begging,threatening, wishing for my life the one I wanted.
I have learned a new peace,I do not hear the " I'm trying" line anymore I just say to him I'm trying to. I do not hear the " you are pusing me away line as he is about 3 sheets to the wind" I just say " you are making me a stronger person" I know my AH will never stop he signed himself out of detox, goes about 1 day without is and says he has to have just 1 to calm the shakes.
I know this is not how I want to live my life, my kids are all suffering because of this. BUT I have found a new peace and security within myself to make the choices I need to make for me.
I no longer think I can save him, I no longer think I can make him stop, and I no longer think if he loves me he will stop.
I have stoped going anywhere with him, and I have stoped trying to talk to him when he has been drinking, which is everyday. I have learned to trust in God. And not in my husband. I deserve a better life then this. and I know I do thanks to alonon. and I must say my Husband hates that I am going of course I am not an enabaler anymore.

JT · 05-16-2004, 08:06 AM

Dazimae,

Thank you for this post. This is such an important thing for everyone to grasp. Al Anon is NOT about learning to live with an alcoholic. It is about learning to live...period. Some choose to stay but they stay with their eyes wide open. Some choose to leave but only after learning, like you, that what they want in life is not what they have.

Learning what we want and being able to see clearly what we have makes both those choices possible. And we are able to live in peace either way.

Hugs,
JT

McKrazy · 05-16-2004, 08:45 AM

"I no longer think if he loves me he will stop."
Hmmmmmmm...
I must still be struggling with that...... that stopped me and my heart hurt a bit!
Thanks for your post, good reminders, hard, but good.
Pam

**Ann** · 05-16-2004, 09:21 AM

Dazimae

Isn't it wonderful when we take all that time and energy that we used to waste trying to change them, and use it instead to change ourselves, that life becomes beautiful once again.

May you have the wonderful life you deserve!!!

Hugs
Ann

splendra · 05-16-2004, 09:47 AM

I found alanon before I found naranon and they helped me so much.

But, last night I found myself saying that if you love me thing again... it brought tears to his eyes.

sunflowergal29 · 05-16-2004, 11:07 AM

Thanks for the good reminder- I needed to hear these posts. I hear that, "I'm trying" bit all the time, and I am really beginning to wonder how much he actually is trying. But, this is about ME, not about what I think he needs to do to make me feel better. I am also beginning to wonder if I can live this way, and the longer I stick around here, the less I feel like I want to. But, just for today, I am here, working my steps (although procrastinating that big #4) and trying my hardest to keep the focus where it is supposed to be (on moi). Thanks again, Dazimae!!!!
-SFG29

ZionLion127 · 05-19-2004, 02:20 AM

Isn't it funny how we are all stumped on the same issues?-

constant · 05-19-2004, 05:33 AM

Dazimea......I am so happy for you. Alanon was the answer to my prayers too. What a peaceful feeling....how life has changed from the frantic worries of where "they" are and what "they" are doing to REALLY enjoying all the things in life. Actually taking the time to soak up the sun and smell the flowers......and loving yourself trusting that God will lead the way. Peace, Constant

05-16-2004, 07:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
Dazimae Paused Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: New Castle Pa Posts: 67	Alonon taught me things beyond what I imagined I have to admit when I called the alonon number and asked questions the lady told me alonon teaches you how to live with an alcoholic, she has lived with one 36 out of the 39 years she has been married... I THOUGHT OH NO I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH ONE I WANT HIM TO STOP. I am glad I hung in there and found this place because alonon is working in a way I had never thought. I used to make my self sick worring about how many beers he had, looking for his stash, yelling crying,begging,threatening, wishing for my life the one I wanted. I have learned a new peace,I do not hear the " I'm trying" line anymore I just say to him I'm trying to. I do not hear the " you are pusing me away line as he is about 3 sheets to the wind" I just say " you are making me a stronger person" I know my AH will never stop he signed himself out of detox, goes about 1 day without is and says he has to have just 1 to calm the shakes. I know this is not how I want to live my life, my kids are all suffering because of this. BUT I have found a new peace and security within myself to make the choices I need to make for me. I no longer think I can save him, I no longer think I can make him stop, and I no longer think if he loves me he will stop. I have stoped going anywhere with him, and I have stoped trying to talk to him when he has been drinking, which is everyday. I have learned to trust in God. And not in my husband. I deserve a better life then this. and I know I do thanks to alonon. and I must say my Husband hates that I am going of course I am not an enabaler anymore.

05-16-2004, 08:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
JT Supply Manager Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Cleaverville Posts: 2,903	Dazimae, Thank you for this post. This is such an important thing for everyone to grasp. Al Anon is NOT about learning to live with an alcoholic. It is about learning to live...period. Some choose to stay but they stay with their eyes wide open. Some choose to leave but only after learning, like you, that what they want in life is not what they have. Learning what we want and being able to see clearly what we have makes both those choices possible. And we are able to live in peace either way. Hugs, JT __________________ The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind~Wayne Dyer

05-16-2004, 08:45 AM	#3 (permalink)
McKrazy Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: black diamond WA Posts: 203	"I no longer think if he loves me he will stop." Hmmmmmmm... I must still be struggling with that...... that stopped me and my heart hurt a bit! Thanks for your post, good reminders, hard, but good. Pam __________________ I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship. -Louisa May Alcott C.S. Lewis: ""Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"

05-16-2004, 09:21 AM	#4 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,145	Dazimae Isn't it wonderful when we take all that time and energy that we used to waste trying to change them, and use it instead to change ourselves, that life becomes beautiful once again. May you have the wonderful life you deserve!!! Hugs Ann __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

05-16-2004, 09:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 5,495 Blog Entries: 3	I found alanon before I found naranon and they helped me so much. But, last night I found myself saying that if you love me thing again... it brought tears to his eyes. __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

05-16-2004, 11:07 AM	#6 (permalink)
sunflowergal29 Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: close to the FLAMES!! Posts: 129	Thanks for the good reminder- I needed to hear these posts. I hear that, "I'm trying" bit all the time, and I am really beginning to wonder how much he actually is trying. But, this is about ME, not about what I think he needs to do to make me feel better. I am also beginning to wonder if I can live this way, and the longer I stick around here, the less I feel like I want to. But, just for today, I am here, working my steps (although procrastinating that big #4) and trying my hardest to keep the focus where it is supposed to be (on moi). Thanks again, Dazimae!!!! -SFG29

05-19-2004, 02:20 AM	#7 (permalink)
ZionLion127 Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Tucson Arizona Posts: 28	Isn't it funny how we are all stumped on the same issues?-

05-19-2004, 05:33 AM	#8 (permalink)
constant Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: georgia Posts: 531	Dazimea......I am so happy for you. Alanon was the answer to my prayers too. What a peaceful feeling....how life has changed from the frantic worries of where "they" are and what "they" are doing to REALLY enjoying all the things in life. Actually taking the time to soak up the sun and smell the flowers......and loving yourself trusting that God will lead the way. Peace, Constant

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode