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Old 08-22-2012, 10:40 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: tennessee
Posts: 30
can't have relationships?

I keep reading about alcoholics lying, not being able to keep promises, etc. And I've found this to be the case with my friend (who for whatever crazy reason I still hope for a relationship with if she ever gets sober). Anyhow, why then does she keep running back to the guy she's been with for 2 years, even though he has been verbally abusive to her (I've heard this on multiple occasions while on the phone with her), she's been arrested with him for Domestic Violence, her parents can't stand him, he's an active addict or alcoholic, and he has no job and little or no money. For that matter, what keeps any woman in an abusive relationship?
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:47 AM   #2 (permalink)

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Location: md
Posts: 208
Could be Stockholm syndrome or she is hoping he will change. Could be from a life long pattern of abuse so she feels comfortable in what feels familiar.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tionships.html ("Why Women Stay in Bad Relationships")

Here's two good articles on this very subject.

But each person's reasons are different...I have wondered if I was addicted to the drama myself, not in a good way but in the comfortably miserable way. It took a while after the drama ended to find comfort in serenity.
Make Mistakes! If you make mistakes, it means you are out there doing something. Neil Gaiman
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:11 AM   #4 (permalink)

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could be lots of things...

low self esteem, fear of being alone

Although I speak from experience that these guys can be highly manipulative. They will deny the abuse, say that you caused it, play the victim role and get you to feel sorry for them, claim that you are ones abusing them when you try to defend yourself. Sometimes they can be very charming and loving as well, it's like they have a duel personality. Very loving or very cruel. They make you doubt yourself and your own feelings about the abuse.
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Old 08-22-2012, 03:36 PM   #5 (permalink)

Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
Well....I have asked myself this question concerning my XABF too. I have posted a little bit about my situtation but the story is too long and painful to tell. I put my XABF thru rehab and he met another women while he was in there. They are both alcoholics and it's been horrible the last 2-3 years....HORRIBLE! On and off again! I would ALLOW him back in my life thinking they'd finally be done...nope...he would disappear and the cycle would start over again. I don't get it but I am told that they have someone that allows them to behave and do what they want....which is drink! Someone that looks worse than they do, someone they feel they deserve....Trust me this I know .....you can't change it!
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