...How Do I move On?

[justrae83]

I have never wanted to move on from a break up so darn bad! It is not a typical break up, becuase it was filled with addiction, lies, cheating, minipulation and 6 years filled with love and memories i will never get back ....I feel like the typical "how to get over a breakup" type books or blogs just will not work in my case becuase i never got my closure and still a broken heart is with me.

Has anyone got any advice how to trust, love and move on again. I know the pain will go away shortly but it has only been 2 months and I am still grieving and hope that I can trust again after all I have been through.

Thanks.

[lillamy]

Well... I would probably start by finding an Al-Anon group. And a counselor/therapist type person.

Because one thing I learned even before I left my AXH was that when they say "addiction is a family disease"? That means something. I had to take a hard look at the way I was thinking about things, and weed out the "codie thinking" that was completely formed by living in a relationship with an addict.

See it as the emotional equivalent of physical therapy: After you get an injury, it heals, but you'll still need to teach your body (or your mind) how to function properly.

And let it take time. I don't want to be depressing, but my healing is still going on, almost two years after leaving and six years after starting my codie recovery. It's not depressing; it's an opportunity to learn more about who you are, how you function, and what you want from life. It has made me more fit to live -- whether on my own or with another person.

[PixieGirl]

I'm afraid I don't have any great advice, just want to add my support! I too am working on getting over a long relationship with an A, and have read the typical 'how to get over a breakup' stuff only to find that it doesn't seem to apply to my situation. Frustrating, but alanon and individual counselling are the way to go for me. And time. I'm impatient, I want to go, go, go and it's really hard for me to sort of sit back and let time heal some wounds. I just tell myself that each day brings me a little closer to recovery.

[LifeRecovery]

I was married five years and change to someone struggling living with problem drinking.

His affair was what finally got me into the doors of Al-anon which I have found has helped me in many areas of my life (and most of my relationships).

Counseling was already in place but that helped too.

I actually found that working on healing from infidelity (and books/recordings about that type of relationship) was more helpful then just breakup type books.

Some that helped
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by a Susan?
Work by Janis Abrahms Spring (she has one on forgiving that has helped in all areas of my life)
"Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass
Reading up on the disease of alcoholism also helped, and all of this helped me to not feel so alone. I read about many people that had experienced similar things and just knowing that helped.

[wicked]

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by a Susan?

It's by Susan Anderson. We were talking about having a club and discussing each chapter.
It ran well for a while, but we all kinda dropped out.
Tough stuff, abandonment. But the book is excellent.

Beth

[jackthedog]

After 15 years of marriage, my AH and I are going through dissolution right now and he is dating someone, brought her to where I work my second job. Before that, I really didn't think I cared if he moved on, I was done, but man did it hurt, I got angry (secondary emotion to hurt), sent texts I wish I wouldn't have (in a way) and feel sick when I think of them together. Really I am lonely and don't think it is fair he is moving on and I am being the "good" parent. We have a 14 year old son. It is the hardest thing I have been through. I would have never thought I would be single again. I have been to counseling and al-anon and both help, but I think time and retraining of my obsessive thinking are what is needed. Working on myself is the best way I can think of to moving on. Like my counselor told me, he is not healing, dealing with his emotions, I am so much farther along. Still, I wonder what is wrong with me sometimes. When you don't think like an addict, it is hard to understand.