OT New opportunity at work..

[TakingCharge999]

So I have a good relationship with XABF's team lead, a very good one in fact (he also reads Melody Beatty!) and he told me there is a position at his team.. sounds like a good chance for me to enter a new field (IT Security)

Problem: XABF is in his team. I do not know if I would have to see him but at least we would have more online contact via emails, etc and I would be in disadvantage as he might be among the ones who need to train me...

Ok writing this down I realize it is a bad idea.

On the other hand I am going "why would his presence have anything to do with my career goals?"

Then I go "right, all this time and recovery for you to be stressed again, its not worth it"


So now team lead tells me how great life is at his team (he is right, they work decent hours, they get paid more, etc) and now I ponder about how XABF has had the time of his life and earned more when I have worked way too much for free, earn less and have arrived in time and not been hung over at my cubicle ever...

How can he still be considered functional???


OH Insanity, here you come back again.

Thanks for letting me share, now I notice its not worth it, and I now feel bad with myself not being totally 100% unaffected by his existence after 3 years. OMG just the chance to sit with him in a meeting and remember all the good times together.


No, I can't.


I will find solace in the fact its possible that position´s paycheck was lower than what I do earn now...

[Impurrfect]

(((TC))) - I'm glad you know your limits. If my XABF#3 was still alive, I have a feeling I'd still go through a million emotions if I were to see him. Heck, I went into a tailspin of emotions when I heard that XABF#1 had gotten married, and it took me a couple of days and coming here to realize I don't want him back, it has nothing to do with me that he didn't marry ME, and I've got enough recovery that we wouldn't last 5 minutes.

Point is, I thought I HAD let these guys go, but some things still stir up emotions, I question myself, think I've totally gone back into codieland, and then I realize..take care of me, feelings haven't killed me yet, and don't think they're going to.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

[TakingCharge999]

Impurrfect you are the best. Thanks for understanding...

That is a very Zen perspective isn't it? to let feelings be.

I did recommend a friend, she is a better fit for the job anyway, so something good came from the interaction after all.

I agree I got some sort of boundary now and we would not last 2 minutes before his misogynistic ideas come to the surface. Thanks for reminding me of that side of him I always disliked. And ganging up with his "friends". Why did I put up with that?????


OK, am on a better mindset already!! whew!! close call.

[Tuffgirl]

Cool to watch you work this all out in just two posts.

I can't agree with you more, plus I know you have others desires....like graduate school and art?!

And, IT Security is a field you can go into anytime, anywhere.

P.S. Hell would have to freeze over before I'd go to work with an ex. Ugh!

[Pelican]

Your progress is showing and it looks Marvelous on You!

[wanttobehealthy]

Taking Charge- You are brilliant-- I read your post and loved how you sorted through all the possible issues as you wrote. I'm the same way! I start writing and I answer my own question.

[PurpleSquirrel]

Wow! You really worked this one through.

It took me a while to figure out that serenity is worth more than money any day of the week. People will give you money--you can borrow it, or just ask for it or even steal it if you are that kind of person. But no one but you can give you serenity.

[Willybluedog]

I am so glad you figured that out, cause from here it looked like plane going down and you were debating should I jump with or without a parachute. I have jumped without a parachaute many, many times over the years because I convinced myself I was a frog who could fly...

Like I said, you are tough, smart, beautiful, and human. I am glad smart took the lead today.