Things people said that helped
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
The proactive 12 steps really helped me work through the Al-Anon program and incorporate the steps into my daily life:
The Proactive Twelve Steps (printable)
The Proactive Twelve Steps (printable)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 119
I posted this one in a reply to another thread, but it's helped me alot.
I couldn't set here and whine about how ****** my A treated me as long as I STOOD THERE AND TOOK IT. I WAS JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR HURTING ME AS HE WAS! We preach that the A has to take responsibility for their actions, well point that mirror right back at me.
I couldn't set here and whine about how ****** my A treated me as long as I STOOD THERE AND TOOK IT. I WAS JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR HURTING ME AS HE WAS! We preach that the A has to take responsibility for their actions, well point that mirror right back at me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
From BarbDwyer:
Right now -
the house is safe.
your son is safe.
you are safe.
Learn2Live:
Look for the expectation behind the anger. What could it be?
When I was crying and whining that I just wanted some one to make me a priority and take care of me for once: "The ONLY person who is capable of doing that is YOU."
Right now -
the house is safe.
your son is safe.
you are safe.
Learn2Live:
Look for the expectation behind the anger. What could it be?
When I was crying and whining that I just wanted some one to make me a priority and take care of me for once: "The ONLY person who is capable of doing that is YOU."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Originally Posted by lillamy 
Oh, and LaTeeDa's quote in my signature is one of my all-time favorites.
It didn't occur to me that it could be so cut and dry--that his behavior was unacceptable. My total confusion had justified his behavior and made excuses for it, but she validated MY NEEDS in two words--first time anyone had done that in ages.
Music to my ears at that time, two little words: "that's unacceptable."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: in the tree tops
Posts: 209
Two things that really have helped me .... First, when I thought I was doing a really great job at covering up how miserable, sad and depressed I was, a friend who had not seen me in a while told me I looked like sh**. Then she said that I needed to put aside my worry over my AD, and everyone elses problems for a bit and make it all about me, focus on me and get my self back in balance. Do yoga, get fresh air, do ME things because if I didn't get myself back in balance I was basically useless to anyone else, including myself. That hit home.
The second was something Wayne Dyer quoted in one of his book CDs. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I wrote that down and taped it up everywhere to remind me.
The second was something Wayne Dyer quoted in one of his book CDs. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I wrote that down and taped it up everywhere to remind me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by OwlSong
The second was something Wayne Dyer quoted in one of his book CDs. "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I wrote that down and taped it up everywhere to remind me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Tuffgirl
Thank you for posting the Proactive 12 steps!
I love it!
the only thing I can think of right now about helpful things is,
"Beth, you do not have to earn love. You are lovable and always have been."
Thank you for posting the Proactive 12 steps!
I love it!
the only thing I can think of right now about helpful things is,
"Beth, you do not have to earn love. You are lovable and always have been."
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Thank you so much for this fabulous post! Boy, did I need this today.
When I left my alcoholic boyfriend after living with him for 4 short ( or very long ) months...I felt so bad, and so sad, and a part of me also felt guilty for leaving someone who was clearly so ill, and so in denial about his alcoholism.
A very very dear friend told me that leaving him was the greatest act of love that I could offer because as long as I stayed, he would always have someone to blame for his problems, but if I left him alone, it might be the only chance he'd have to face himself and the reality of the life he was living.
Somehow, I was free after that. It wasn't up to me, all I could do was save myself. And I did.
When I left my alcoholic boyfriend after living with him for 4 short ( or very long ) months...I felt so bad, and so sad, and a part of me also felt guilty for leaving someone who was clearly so ill, and so in denial about his alcoholism.
A very very dear friend told me that leaving him was the greatest act of love that I could offer because as long as I stayed, he would always have someone to blame for his problems, but if I left him alone, it might be the only chance he'd have to face himself and the reality of the life he was living.
Somehow, I was free after that. It wasn't up to me, all I could do was save myself. And I did.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Tucson
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by fourmaggie
as simple as it was....i was having problems with anger...
a wise woman in my group said.."it's ok to be angry"...i never knew i could...(LOL) now i know i can and then...move forward...
a wise woman in my group said.."it's ok to be angry"...i never knew i could...(LOL) now i know i can and then...move forward...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: WA
Posts: 38
I for one can't put my finger on a favorite. For me its more a collection of posts....and they all did help me. Some were a stepping stone to help me understand that which I didn't understand when I first read them and others made sense right away. Summary, I guess, with what I've read would be "keep moving forward....breath in and out....look to the future without decision....take care of yourself and family around you first".
What helped me was seeing the numbers of people people who took the time to read and sometimes post....and the occasional (((((hugs))))).
What helped me was seeing the numbers of people people who took the time to read and sometimes post....and the occasional (((((hugs))))).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I love this thread.
I have hanging on my fridge the following:
"At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end"
Reminds me who is really in charge here. Me. Of myself. And that's all I am in charge of! ; )
I have hanging on my fridge the following:
"At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end"
Reminds me who is really in charge here. Me. Of myself. And that's all I am in charge of! ; )
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Can't believe I have missed this thread???
This is awesome ~ so many of these have helped me over my years here ~ as a mom of 5 daughters - The one that helped me so much of course was when I was asked "if one of your girls was in this same situation, what would you tell them?"
Then of course some of the oldies but goodies. . .
You want something different, ya gotta be willing to DO something different
How's that working for you?
and one of my favorites . . A F G O ~ another Frickin Growth Opportunity
which means suck it up, learn from it and move on! lol
PINK HUGS my friends! Thanks for being a part of my wonderful recovery journey!
I loves my SR family!
Rita
This is awesome ~ so many of these have helped me over my years here ~ as a mom of 5 daughters - The one that helped me so much of course was when I was asked "if one of your girls was in this same situation, what would you tell them?"
Then of course some of the oldies but goodies. . .
You want something different, ya gotta be willing to DO something different
How's that working for you?
and one of my favorites . . A F G O ~ another Frickin Growth Opportunity
which means suck it up, learn from it and move on! lol
PINK HUGS my friends! Thanks for being a part of my wonderful recovery journey!
I loves my SR family!
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 14
Wonderful post. At my lowest moments, it's remembering that I can keep being miserable, unhappy, unfulfilled for only as long as I let it go on. I can start making changes for the better at any time, and there's many ways to do that.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
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