artisancorp

Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it.
- William Durant, founder of General Motors

artisancorp

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble
Courage in your own.

Adam Lindsay Gordon

artisancorp

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and he had just
finished a rough first day on the job:a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one-ton truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward
The front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of
the branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned
face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and
gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity
got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having
troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't
belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them
up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them.
then in the morning I pick them up again.

Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick 'em
up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night
before."

m1k3

I find inspiration a lot of places. Some of the quotes that really helped me:

From Kung Fu Panda, yeap, a cartoon.

Yesterday is history
Tomorrow a mystery
and Today is a gift, that's way they call it the present.

You will never find inner peace until you give up the illusion of control.

Others that have worked for me:

Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Be here now.
I am enough just as I am.

and of course: All your bases are belong to us. HAHAHAHAHA. Thank you Lexie.


edit: One thing I forgot. I ask myself this one when making difficult decisions, it helps keep me focused: How does this help my recovery.

Your friend,

m1k3

This one was from my son-in-law and it really helped.

Why are you surprised when an alcoholic acts like an alcoholic?

MovingForward

This was shouted at me by my AH during his first or second quit:

"It's not ALL ABOUT YOU!!!" I embraced that statement, after I recovered from the shock. I was just worried about him after all. This is when I truly learned that

I DID NOT CAUSE IT
I CANNOT CONTROL IT
I CANNOT CURE IT

That was a couple of years ago. My AH continues to attempt to quit, probably 15 times in the past few years. But I certainly am much more comfortable in my skin since the "revelation".

lillamy

I LOVE this:
So simple. So true. So helpful to me today. Thank you!

fedup3

When I was in the middle of my divorce I said to a friend of mine how worried I was going to be on my own and take care of the house by myself and she looked puzzled at me for a moment and said, " you've been on your own for years and when was the last time XAH did anything around the house?" and then it hit me that I was going to be ok.

lillamy

And I don't know if this is helpful to anyone else -- it's not Al-Anon approved -- but when I was in the middle of the divorce, a coworker would greet me every morning and say goodbye every evening with the same phrase: "Stay Pi$$ed Off!"

What she meant was -- as long as I was angry at my AH's antics, I kept moving forward. When I started feeling sorry for myself, I froze. Her "Stay Pi$$ed Off!" was shorthand for "Remember you have all the power over your own decisions. Remember he only has as much power over you as you give him."

And it made me pick up that shovel and keep shoveling the garbage out of my path on days when I really just wanted to lie down and cry.

fedup3

wow lillamy, I can relate to that I started to divorce my husband almost five years ago but I froze having a pity party for me and for him so I just laid down. It wasn't until I was so freaking mad that I started to move forward on getting my freedom, so your coworker was right what a great saying "Stay Pi$$ed Off!"

celticgenes

ah, so many to choose from! One that stands out for me was when my therapist suggested we lift the bar off the floor. As in, the bar for tolerable behavior in my relationship with AHBF should be higher than "well he isn't violent". She suggested setting the bar high, and maybe coming down a bit, rather than accepting just barely acceptable behavior.

It worked to get my head straight.

jOSE2

From an Al-anon friend,
Wrap him in/her blanket and hand him/her back to his/ her own HP

jOSE2

Another which helped me-get working on me- from an Al-anon disc-a lady said !

The Horns on their heads fit exactly the Holes in our heads- that got me working on my Holes and not his Horns

fourmaggie

as simple as it was....i was having problems with anger...

a wise woman in my group said.."it's ok to be angry"...i never knew i could...(LOL) now i know i can and then...move forward...

TakingCharge999

I downloaded the Death clock, a mock countdown clock - nothing like seeing the seconds, minutes and hours going by to remember my days are counted. I used to do nothing thinking "oh I got time" .... nope TC999, you DON'T HAVE TIME to waste..

m1k3

WAIT

Why Am I Talking or as I changed it for my personal use, What Am I Thinking.

Your friend,

m1k3

One more, this is a Buddhist one that I like very much.

Breathe, relax, smile.


Even when you don't feel like it. It's amazing how making yourself smile can change your attitude.

Your smiling friend,

vujade

A few things from right here on SR:

"Jekyll and Hyde are not sold separately." Cyranoak posted that to me many months ago and it was like someone smacking me on the back of the head.

Also, VERY early on, there was a woman here who posted about her fiance. She was telling her counselor all about what a wonderful man she was SURE he could be if he would just quit drinking. Her counselor said "It sounds as if you are in love with his potential and I'm not sure how healthy it is to be in love with the IDEA of a person." Wow. That hit home for me.

And recently, a girlfriend listened to me as I said something about how we didn't divorce because I didn't LOVE him. She said "You might want to take some time to ponder your definition of love."

I also have some very handy little phrases I scatter around my office and home to serve as reminders:

- I cannot control your behaviors; I can only control my reaction to your behaviors. (I actually repeat this to myself outloud often.)
- When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them.
- Resentment is like you taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
-

duqld1717

"Never compare my insides with someone else's outsides"

....that one helped alot because I kept obsessing that my ex's life looked better after we broke up but I am doing a serious diservice to myself if I believe everything that I see on the outside.

MeredithD1

Tonight, RAH and I went to an AA spaghetti dinner. People from several chapters in the area attended.

The speaker was incredible. I came away with a richness of experience and appreciation and joy of the kindness of those I met there.

The speaker made an allusion that really clicked with me. He said that following the Twelve Steps by reading the book and outlining them was like going to the store and buying a box of instant cake. He said you could talk about the cake and read the recipe and you still wouldn't have a cake.

He said that what made the cake was the experience of the AA community, of hearing others' experiences and realizing one's own, having one's own experiences and then sharing them by speaking with one's sponsor and speaking at AA meetings.

This is not adequate to convey the impact his words had on me - I am so appreciative to have been there.