Gratitude
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Gratitude
I haven’t been around SR for a few weeks now, since leaving my AH and having to live without the internet until I could get it sorted. Its sorted now - Yaay!
I noticed that there are a few new members around but still facing the same old problems as many of us have done or still do. I will be around a bit more now to participate. We really do get it at SR and I love SR for that feeling of relating and that I am no longer facing this journey alone. I now have a family of people who ‘get it’. That’s priceless to me.
It’s been just over four weeks now since I left my verbally and emotionally abusive, controlling AH of 23 yrs. We met at 15yrs old, almost 31yrs ago, so it had been a long time coming!
He had told me over 18 months ago that he was going to carry on drinking for the rest of his life and if I didn’t like it then I could leave. I spent 18 months trying to detach, trying not to let his drinking/controlling/porn/smoking/lying behaviours bother me but got to the point where I knew that I had to leave for the sake of my own health as there were just too many problems to overcome and he wasn’t going to change.
I also began to believe through therapy that my life was important, I was important and that I deserved better.
I left with anger, bitterness and disappointment and have gone NC. My higher power even stepped in and made sure that I had plenty of outside activities and interests to keep me busy when I first left, such as invites to karaoke evenings, going to a Kylie concert, overtime at work and flying to Melbourne for a weekend away at a choir festival (I am in an A Capella choir)
I still have good days and bad days. This week a bunch of flowers arrived at work and I stupidly thought that they may be for me and AH had come to his senses. I even imagined throwing them in the bin!
Although it’s early days for me living on my own for the first time in my life, (two grown up DD’s) and I am still grieving and coming to terms with the changes, I have tried to think of things that I am grateful for, having lived with an alcoholic (a good Al-anon tool).
1. I am grateful for my DD’s
2. I am grateful that I am becoming a much rounder, healthier person with outside the home interests and friends.
3. I am grateful that I found SR
4. I am grateful that I found Al-anon
5. I am grateful that I am not an alcoholic
6. I am grateful to my alcoholic for helping me to discover that I am sexual and now enjoy pleasing myself! This is good for self-esteem. (This came about from my trying to please him following verbally abusive put downs (called me fridge etc) about his lack of sex with me and me working hard to change for him!)
7. I am grateful that I can recognise passive/aggressive, abusive and controlling behaviors and have learnt how to say ‘stop, I do not have to listen to this’
8. I am grateful that I am learning to find ‘Me’ and I like ‘Me’.
I am sure there are many more.
I noticed that there are a few new members around but still facing the same old problems as many of us have done or still do. I will be around a bit more now to participate. We really do get it at SR and I love SR for that feeling of relating and that I am no longer facing this journey alone. I now have a family of people who ‘get it’. That’s priceless to me.
It’s been just over four weeks now since I left my verbally and emotionally abusive, controlling AH of 23 yrs. We met at 15yrs old, almost 31yrs ago, so it had been a long time coming!
He had told me over 18 months ago that he was going to carry on drinking for the rest of his life and if I didn’t like it then I could leave. I spent 18 months trying to detach, trying not to let his drinking/controlling/porn/smoking/lying behaviours bother me but got to the point where I knew that I had to leave for the sake of my own health as there were just too many problems to overcome and he wasn’t going to change.
I also began to believe through therapy that my life was important, I was important and that I deserved better.
I left with anger, bitterness and disappointment and have gone NC. My higher power even stepped in and made sure that I had plenty of outside activities and interests to keep me busy when I first left, such as invites to karaoke evenings, going to a Kylie concert, overtime at work and flying to Melbourne for a weekend away at a choir festival (I am in an A Capella choir)
I still have good days and bad days. This week a bunch of flowers arrived at work and I stupidly thought that they may be for me and AH had come to his senses. I even imagined throwing them in the bin!
Although it’s early days for me living on my own for the first time in my life, (two grown up DD’s) and I am still grieving and coming to terms with the changes, I have tried to think of things that I am grateful for, having lived with an alcoholic (a good Al-anon tool).
1. I am grateful for my DD’s
2. I am grateful that I am becoming a much rounder, healthier person with outside the home interests and friends.
3. I am grateful that I found SR
4. I am grateful that I found Al-anon
5. I am grateful that I am not an alcoholic
6. I am grateful to my alcoholic for helping me to discover that I am sexual and now enjoy pleasing myself! This is good for self-esteem. (This came about from my trying to please him following verbally abusive put downs (called me fridge etc) about his lack of sex with me and me working hard to change for him!)
7. I am grateful that I can recognise passive/aggressive, abusive and controlling behaviors and have learnt how to say ‘stop, I do not have to listen to this’
8. I am grateful that I am learning to find ‘Me’ and I like ‘Me’.
I am sure there are many more.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I have found the best way to shake myself out of some seriously negative thinking is to write out a gratitude list! I have many floating around my house and office. I've even been doing them in my head when I start down the 'woe is me' road.
Glad you are staying strong!
~T
Glad you are staying strong!
~T
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
8 Ball that's wonderful recovery, thanks for sharing!! ME TOO!
Recently I am 80% in the present moment, 20% in the future and its such a difference - the last 28 years I have been 100% in the past
and it was horrible!
Yes we matter and its all about us. I am SO grateful for SR and all of what I have learned in therapy and life experiences. These tools have helped me cope with difficult family situations the last two weeks. I can see very clearly now. Its a new life for us, night and day.
Glad to be in the same boat with you and the other wonderful SR friends who are healing!
I have confirmed feeling at peace, taking care of myself, is the best gift I can give my loved ones.
Recently I am 80% in the present moment, 20% in the future and its such a difference - the last 28 years I have been 100% in the past
and it was horrible!Yes we matter and its all about us. I am SO grateful for SR and all of what I have learned in therapy and life experiences. These tools have helped me cope with difficult family situations the last two weeks. I can see very clearly now. Its a new life for us, night and day.
Glad to be in the same boat with you and the other wonderful SR friends who are healing!
I have confirmed feeling at peace, taking care of myself, is the best gift I can give my loved ones.
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