jayscott

It's been another busy week in the jayscott household, which has made it difficult to get online but I've been trying to carry the spirit of SR with me throughout the days. This was the week that my AW was scheduled to return home from rehab as a RAW, after 30 days of therapy and sobriety.

I'm not exactly sure what early recovery is "supposed" to look like, but I'm confident it doesn't include vodka on the second night. The shock of going from a protected environment where she felt happy and understood back to her "old life" was not a pleasant one, and she has been very depressed and dead to the world for several days now.

I suggested to her that perhaps it was too early to come back home and that she wasn't ready for this transition, and that maybe a sober living facility might make better sense, but she's not listening. I don't believe she's drinking (yet) beyond the one episode, but I'm confident that old habits are not far away unless she picks a different path and does it fast.

Anyway, wanted to pass along that I feel unusually prepared for this moment. Unlike the first time through rehab. Grandma and baby and I have been going out shopping and living our lives while she wallows and decides whether to try, and I'm not sweating the outcome either way.

Keepin' on...

suki44883

Grandma and baby and I have been going out shopping and living our lives while she wallows and decides whether to try, and I'm not sweating the outcome either way.

HeyImme

Awesome outlook!

tjp613

(((Jayscott))) You've been thru the wringer but I'm very impressed with how you've handled everything. Grandma gets a gold star, too!!

I wish rehab were a magical place where they just get fixed -- but it's just the start, huh?

Thanks for the update -- I've been wondering about you.

jayscott

Truthfully, the thing I've felt worst about this past week has been not finding time to come back here to the forums and share with folks. It's just been a crazy week at work, and lots of driving around.

My mom summed it up pretty well earlier today while we were out: "she needs to decide whether or not she's going to try, and whether or not she's in or out of the relationship." And if the answer isn't yes on both counts, there's really not anything to talk about.

It's disappointing, because she is so different now than she was just a few days ago. Before she was talking about her "plan." Now, she's talking about TV and nachos.

djayr

Hearing about someone getting out of rehab and drinking again within 2 days is devastating. All I can say is I'm very sorry hear to hear that. My AW has done hospitalized detoxes 5X followed by various lengths of sobriety -- usually a couple of months at least.

One she took the first drink, it would go back to daily usage immediately following.

The "real world" being a bit of a shocker for AW after rehab -- there is much less support, in fact, there is the opposite of support, there are hurt, exhausted people who are looking for apology + amends. Especially when it is a repeating cycle.

My wife and I are now separated 6 weeks and I am filed for divorce. Her last period of sobriety lasted more than 2 years, but it all went to hell in 1-2 months of resumed vodka drinking.

I am trying to get her to go to rehab again, for there to be any chance of saving our marriage, but I am so cynical now (and hurt from her unfaithfulness this latest time around), it's probably over.

I guess I just wanted to say, the word DISAPPOINTING, is something I can relate to -- hang in there and be good to yourself.

BobbyJ

I began my alanon journey two months ago....

Someone said "Recovery is not the magic pill"

and I thought "OH MAYBE, MINE (AH) WILL BE DIFFERENT"

Damn, they were right!! ~ Drunk again

So your NOT alone - I understand your pain...

LexieCat

Aw, man, Jay,

Sorry to hear that. It is what it is, but it still sucks. YOU sound good, though, all things considered. You've come a long way in a short time--a crash course, so to speak.

Keep breathing.

Ladybug0130

I feel your pain, my AH came home from a top-rated rehab in December and I had such high hopes. For a week he was really gung-ho and then he drank a ton of vodka and fell in our garage and cut his head open. I was already asleep, so fortunately he was able to get himself inside the house. It was cold enough that he would have frozen to death in the garage had he passed out in there. He then kept kind of half trying and relapsing. I made him leave the house over a week ago. He is sure trying hard now! But I told him I am going to need a lot of time to see if he can really have a change in mind-set, not just not drink. He is at his parents now but will be at a sober living facility once he has 30 days sobriety. I hope he can do it, he is a great guy in a lot of ways but alcohol has really ruined him.

Yeah, rehab was great for him, but it was almost too happy. He made friends, had so much support, it was pretty much a blast. I want to see him not drink when things are going badly, then I will be more impressed.

CSHNow

I think that for her it may be similar to mourning a loss.....grieving.

jayscott

Probably seems like a crash course, from my posting history, but I'd been reading the forums for much longer than I had a registered account.

I just forced a heart-to-heart conversation where I asked "what's going on, what's your plan," and it was pretty much what I knew but at least I don't have to walk around pretending not to know. As djayr mentioned, a lot of it has to do with going from 100% support to 0% support -- she had all these plans, and they all just went away as soon as she got home.

But as I said to her, that's not for me to change. Nobody can make a decision for her about what to do. Unfortunately every passing day makes it harder and harder for her to start working her plan as she gets deeper into the vodka...

blwninthewind

Just had an AHA moment...ty ladybug! I'm finally figuring out what I've been waiting for!

tjp613

Jay - so she IS currently drinking? What is your next step?

nodaybut2day

You don't have to wait for her to decide to take action yourself. You can choose, at any moment, to say "Ok, enough, I've had it". It sucks to have to do that, but IMO, you may well have to considering the state your AW is in.

Buffalo66

God bless you and your ability to see clearly. Early recovery does not include vodka.
Please keep on your trajectory.

Good luck

jayscott

Nope, I sure don't. And I made that clear to her.

Learned last night that she'd developed feelings for another guy in rehab. And I'm supposed to wait for her to figure herself out and get sober because...?

Thumper

I'm sorry jayscott.

This is it though you know. You now have all the pieces to your puzzle. She did the rehab and is making her choices. There is no more searching for answers, waiting to see, etc. You know the truths and the facts. You can quit looking for pieces and go about working on your puzzle.

For me that was a time of both defeat and victory. I felt defeated because I didn't get what I wanted but I felt victorious too because I was 'unstuck'.

jayscott

I guess I'm sorry that everyone has gone through all of this suffering only to end up exactly where we were at the beginning. I'm nnot sorry to see closure on the horizon, though. The logistics are still going to be a headache and a half. Mostly I'm just angry right now.

reefbreakbda

Jayscott, i'm in a very similar boat, having had my realisation, done a bunch of grieving, i'm gradually making changes, carefully.

Mione just showed up after an international bender.

First I moved me and the girls out to another house, we saw her today day and she was together so we had a pleasant time.

She is quiet but I can tell the separation has rocked her world, and you know if that motivates her, great, and if not, sh*t, what can I do about it.

I told her I still love her but we are out for now (eldest daughter won't talk to her). Its a massive relief being away from any madness and not having to wreck my head to fix it if I'm there.

I saw a solicitor who has said we'll easily get an Access Order, if she causes problems. I carefully explained it to her (lovingly, if that is possible) and she absorbed it quietly (More inward world rocking as actual consequences become sort of facts ).

I think she really knows its down to her now and we have gotten our own power.

Keep the faith dude...

Shellcrusher

Hey Jay.
I noticed you went silent for a while and I'm sorry to hear about the outcome.
The best thing I'm hearing is you, Grandma and the boy going out.