sailorjohn

Boundaries vs. Ultimatums | Charlie Glickman

Thanks for starting this thread, alcoholics/codependents having that one common issue-the need to control.

We try to control them, they try to control their drinking-or using.

FindingPeace1

Thanks, Sailorjohn. That is really helpful.
I AM controlling, alternating with denial.
I guess, that is not so surprising, since my wanting to control is powerful enough that I feel I must either change others or deny what I don't like (rather than make choices for me to protect myself).
I have been restless in my own issues yesterday and today.
I notice that when I admit my control issues, I feel like that takes away my right to dislike my AH's issues. I suppose that's more of the control/denial coin.
Learning to do something different, hmm?
Not control, not deny, not judge, but take steps in my life toward self care.

It has been a slow process.
I am reminding myself (right now) to be gentle on myself.

I am thinking about some stuff I was reading about rigid thinking and people that lack emotional health tend to be frozen if they are not SURE of the choice they are making.

I am working on being unsure and moving forward.
Loving my husband and leaving him - ah, heck. Divorcing him.
Allowing that he has issues and I have issues and it is just not working for me.

I think many of my posts (about my issues) have been circling this.

I can leave because it is not working for me and NOT because he is still drinking.

I love you all very much.
peace

keepinon

yup that was the link..I am NOT computer saavy and don't know how to post a link so thanks starcat!It is really quite an amazing article...