Drawing the line for a friend. This hurts.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
iheartsushi,
It seems from all you have shared here that you have a huge heart and you really are a friend to be treasured. You remind me of the friends and family in my life who have been there for me, through the misery of my relationships with the two alcoholic/addicts in my life--first my XAH and more recently, my XABF. I am thankful beyond description for those people.
You've done a wonderful thing -- you've given your friend the gift of an honest assessment. That's what genuine friendship is about.
Honesty delivered with love is what makes me value the people who love me most. Often times, I need for them to say things out loud that I am in denial about. I think you handled this situation beautifully.
You feel like you have betrayed your friend, but it may prove to be a positive turning point for her. Did Al-Anon come up in your conversation? If not, can you suggest it to her? Al-Anon would help her to meet people she can confide in, people who understand what she's going through, and most importantly, a place where she can start to focus on her own well-being.
You have given yourself the gift of freedom from a situation over which you have no control. It's what we call detaching with love or the ability to love from a distance while caring for our own needs. You need this for yourself and your husband right now.
Sending prayers for your journey ahead.
It seems from all you have shared here that you have a huge heart and you really are a friend to be treasured. You remind me of the friends and family in my life who have been there for me, through the misery of my relationships with the two alcoholic/addicts in my life--first my XAH and more recently, my XABF. I am thankful beyond description for those people.
After she and I talked in great length she said she was thankful I had been honest with her. I asked her what she will do now that she doesn't have anyone to confide in (since this is the double edge sword that hurts me the most), to which she replied that she didn't know. I also asked her where HER bottom line was in staying or leaving, to which she replied she didn't know that either. My heart hurts for her and I am unable to articulate how much it does.
Honesty delivered with love is what makes me value the people who love me most. Often times, I need for them to say things out loud that I am in denial about. I think you handled this situation beautifully.
You feel like you have betrayed your friend, but it may prove to be a positive turning point for her. Did Al-Anon come up in your conversation? If not, can you suggest it to her? Al-Anon would help her to meet people she can confide in, people who understand what she's going through, and most importantly, a place where she can start to focus on her own well-being.
You have given yourself the gift of freedom from a situation over which you have no control. It's what we call detaching with love or the ability to love from a distance while caring for our own needs. You need this for yourself and your husband right now.
Sending prayers for your journey ahead.
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