Thinking too much today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Regina, SK
Posts: 57
Thinking too much today
I'm having a bad day. Keep thinking about the XABF. I was just starting to do ok with not texting him when he texted me thursday asking me to call him cause he wanted to talk about some progress he had been making. I fell for it, so i called him. He mentioned how he had gone to see a counsellor and was going to go to an inpatient program this weekend. I'll admit i was very excited that he finally decided to go
We talked alot that night but i wish i hadn't. If anything, it depressed me. I could tell in his voice that he was incredibly depressed, but part of me also could hear some anger in his voice. I know hes mad because I left him, but he drove me away. He's also mad because his boss fired him. I was really happy when i heard he was let go from his job. I figured he'd finally hit rock bottom, but i realized today i was wrong.
He was supposed to check into inpatient rehab yesterday. I assumed he had because I hadnt heard from him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I should know now not to do that with alcoholics. Late last night while i was at work I got a text from his son's mother. She said she had called the clinic and he wasn't registered and she couldnt find him. Right after that his ex boss texted saying almost the same thing. And then a friend of his said she couldn't find him either. I had asked these people last week to please not contact me about my XABF because i was trying to move on. But i'm getting dragged in again. Now i'm worried about him. I wasn't worried for the past week
I feel like i have to start all over again!! Why can't everyone just leave me alone. I can't help him and i know that.
I care so much about my XABF, but i think i've hit my rock bottom with him finally. I feel stupid for believing his lie that he was going to treatment. I knew i shouldnt have gotten excited but i did. No more of that. I just hope someday I can trust others because after this relationship I don't think i can do it again.
We talked alot that night but i wish i hadn't. If anything, it depressed me. I could tell in his voice that he was incredibly depressed, but part of me also could hear some anger in his voice. I know hes mad because I left him, but he drove me away. He's also mad because his boss fired him. I was really happy when i heard he was let go from his job. I figured he'd finally hit rock bottom, but i realized today i was wrong.He was supposed to check into inpatient rehab yesterday. I assumed he had because I hadnt heard from him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I should know now not to do that with alcoholics. Late last night while i was at work I got a text from his son's mother. She said she had called the clinic and he wasn't registered and she couldnt find him. Right after that his ex boss texted saying almost the same thing. And then a friend of his said she couldn't find him either. I had asked these people last week to please not contact me about my XABF because i was trying to move on. But i'm getting dragged in again. Now i'm worried about him. I wasn't worried for the past week
I feel like i have to start all over again!! Why can't everyone just leave me alone. I can't help him and i know that.I care so much about my XABF, but i think i've hit my rock bottom with him finally. I feel stupid for believing his lie that he was going to treatment. I knew i shouldnt have gotten excited but i did. No more of that. I just hope someday I can trust others because after this relationship I don't think i can do it again.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry you got caught up in the drama.
Be gentle with yourself. You are wiser from this experience.
Can you do something to pamper yourself tonight/tomorrow? A nice relaxing bath, a funny movie or a sweet treat?
Be gentle with yourself. You are wiser from this experience.
Can you do something to pamper yourself tonight/tomorrow? A nice relaxing bath, a funny movie or a sweet treat?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Regina, SK
Posts: 57
Thanks everybody, im starting over again today. Went for brunch with my mom and im gonna watch football and relax the rest of the day. Possibly get on my treadmill and work out some of my frustrations....also gonna ambush my cat with eat mite medication....poor kitty has no clue what he's in for, lol.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by Rayn3dr0p 
I realize now that no contact means more than just not responding to text messages or answering when he calls. It means cutting off contact with anyone who is going to "fill you in on the details."
I don't need to know if he's doing better or worse, if he's drinking or seeking help, if he's dead or alive. That knowledge does not benefit me and more often than not it causes me pain. I need to focus on myself for a change. Hopefully, you will do the same and avoid getting sucked back in the the black hole.
I don't need to know if he's doing better or worse, if he's drinking or seeking help, if he's dead or alive. That knowledge does not benefit me and more often than not it causes me pain. I need to focus on myself for a change. Hopefully, you will do the same and avoid getting sucked back in the the black hole.
One thing my therapist had me do was to replace the worried/anxious thoughts with something positive and plausible. You can't just stop thinking about pink elephants, but if you start thinking about blue alligators, the pink elephants fade away.
You know he's probably on a bender, however, you don't know FOR SURE; perhaps he took the card and checked into a different facility. Imagine him there, being inprocessed, cared for, assigned a room, talking with caring professionals. Get that image into your head.
If you maintain the no contact policy, and never again get information to the contrary, that will be the image that leads your emotions. If you want to argue with yourself that it's not likely, remind yourself altho it's not likely, it's still POSSIBLE...and go with that. You actually don't know one way or another, and you are leaving yourself with an acceptable outcome rather than a 'cliffhanger'.
It's something that actually worked for me very well, so may be worth a try.
Rising from the Ashes
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
LET GO AND LET GOD!
As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him, in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
********************************:ghug3************ *****************
As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him, in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go."
********************************:ghug3************ *****************
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
Oh my..... detachment is SO hard for me too! I constantly have my xabf on my mind, and it makes me really sad sometimes! the feeling comes and goes....and it doesn't matter if I am busy, doing something happy.....or WHAT I'm doing, he is still there in the shadows...
I'm so sorry you are struggling! Please know you are not alone with your feelings. I, too, have been fooled into believing the quacking my x tries to lead me to believe, but I have found the no cantact....even though VERY hard for some of us.... is the best way to move on. No one ever said it was going to be easy, that's for sure! Sometimes I wish I were cold-hearted and then it wouldn't hurt as bad!
Good luck to you boskerbear...... we WILL make it through this.... because WE DESERVE BETTER!!!
I'm so sorry you are struggling! Please know you are not alone with your feelings. I, too, have been fooled into believing the quacking my x tries to lead me to believe, but I have found the no cantact....even though VERY hard for some of us.... is the best way to move on. No one ever said it was going to be easy, that's for sure! Sometimes I wish I were cold-hearted and then it wouldn't hurt as bad!
Good luck to you boskerbear...... we WILL make it through this.... because WE DESERVE BETTER!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Regina, SK
Posts: 57
WE DO DESERVE BETTER!!! I failed again today on no contact but i have faith that i can do it from this point on. I gotta remember all the bad things he did to me and that should keep me from responding to him. I would always be happy when he texted me cause it meant he was alive, but he isn't really alive, his body is there, but his mind and soul are dead!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
boskerbear
Been 2 years of No Contact for me
You are saving yourself more pain. Be SURE of that...
This is the start of our life in freedom
My first months SUCKED but they got better
And I see the guy everyday at work
Has a girlfriend
The guy is still drinking as usual
While he is going to the same bar, drinking, feeling the hangover, sleeping it off, drinking again
It doesn't matter to me.
I have gone through a transformation and still going through it. This is priceless.
Its OK he didn't take the chance to grow. Its his and HP/God's business.
What they say or do becomes boring and irrelevant
Life starts to get colors...
Just learn what you can from this, so you don't end up with the same person in a different body.
Hugs
You can do this
Been 2 years of No Contact for me
You are saving yourself more pain. Be SURE of that...
This is the start of our life in freedom
My first months SUCKED but they got better
And I see the guy everyday at work
Has a girlfriend
The guy is still drinking as usual
While he is going to the same bar, drinking, feeling the hangover, sleeping it off, drinking again
It doesn't matter to me.
I have gone through a transformation and still going through it. This is priceless.
Its OK he didn't take the chance to grow. Its his and HP/God's business.
What they say or do becomes boring and irrelevant
Life starts to get colors...
Just learn what you can from this, so you don't end up with the same person in a different body.
Hugs
You can do this
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
