praiseHim

Why can't they look at themselves? Why can't they see that their pain, stress, depression, and problems are because of drinking and not taking responsibility? Why do they get so angry, but can't humbly look at themselves? Why won't they get help!!! Ok, I know the answers to all these, but needed to vent.

dollydo

Vent away! I asked myself those same questions over and over again, got the same answer=addiction.

Make today a good one!

praiseHim

Thanks.

isurvived

One simple answer.... blaming others means they don't have to take personal responsibility. Denial in it's finest form!

SoloMio

Because they think the world revolves around them.

ninja7

((praiseHim)) Thank you for this interesting thread!

Blame others may be one of the energy for negative spiral.

Jadmack25

I used to wonder if A's had tunnel vision, til one chap told me it was bottle vision for an A and tunnel vision for the missus.....he admitted he could not see past the bottle at his lips. The more I think on it, the truer that idea seems to get.

The drinker is focused on the bottle he's drinking from, seeing nothing past it.
The "Missus", (GF, wife) is focused on his drinking and it's effects on her and family.

Makes sense doesn't it?

God bless

whereisthisgoin

Wish I knew. I am taking the brunt from my AH and it is wearing on me. I am so glad to have found this board because initially I thought I was losing my mind.

Jazzman

Because once it's acknowledged the blame falls squarely on their shoulders the next step is to do something about it, which is contradictory to addiction's built in self defense mechanism.

Summerpeach

one word: fear!

If they admit they are a mess, then their whole existance crumbles. It's all about survival, so they fear not surviving.
Ignorance is "bliss"

lulu1974

This is my sticky that many As have replied to from their views. Its a long the lines of you question and I used to ask this alot. Hope this helps!!!

Hugs Lulu

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...way-think.html

praiseHim

Thank you everyone, your responses are empowering to me.

FarawayFromCars

Because that way the focus is taken off them and they don't have to face the fact that they have a serious problem that needs to be dealt with. At least, that's my take on my sister's situation.

praiseHim

Excellent thoughts and advice here!! Thank you for sharing and asking. Don't know how I missed this post.

Bolina

Lots of reasons.

Probably not dissimilar to my own thought processes when I was in denial about the situations I found myself in.

littlefish

I can refer to the big book in AA, which addresses exactly what you are talking about, in many different sections of the book.
Early in the book the alcoholic is defined as self-absorbed, egotistic and driven by self-will, which of course makes life miserable for those around them.

I thought: me? Self absorbed? Not possible! I have no ego, I am a doormat for everyone! But the book points out that being self absorbed doesn't have to mean you are standing on the top of the hill screaming for attention and demanding favors from the world. It can also mean you are lying under a rock, hating yourself and wanting no attention.

Both of these behaviors still add up to being self-obsessed, they are two extremes on the same spectrum.
As long as I drank, I was blind to the extent of my self-obsession. I was full of anger: it was everyone else who created problems in my life! I wasn't blind though to the problems alcohol was causing me, but I thought it was essentially a health problem. I deluded myself about the damage it caused my family.

Why didn't I try to get help? I thought I could do it alone. I hoped that I would just stop one day. It took me a while to understand that I would need help.

Kittyboo

In just my personal experience, I found that my XA would blame EVERYONE but himself for all of the woes of his life, UNLESS taking responsiblility for something meant that he could get what he wanted..... he would change his story.

Ex: He spoke so horribly about his ex. She was the reason of their failed relationship; she was evil, she drank too much and would yell...etc etc. Now this was when he was discussing a relationship with me. BUT when he didn't want me anymore and wanted her back, the failing of their relationship then became his fault. He abandonded her, etc etc.

See, after all of the bashing he did about her, he had to then change his story when he wanted her back.

In fact in relfection of all of his stories about his life and the problems he faced...I can't recall one problem that was his fault. Funny how that works.

ItsmeAlice

Why do alcoholics have to blame everyone and everything but themselves?

I read this and thought.....Why not?

Sometimes I wish I could just wash my hands of things and say it was anyone or anything but me.

Kassie2

Couldn't help myself on this one - they aren't sober long enough to see what others can see. When my husband had 3 and then 6 months of time and then a little more it was easy for him to see things more clearly. Then he could see some of it - but then he didn't like it and decided ignorance is bliss.

ElegantlyWasted

Thanks you for the post! Took me a while to realize that it also applies to many people who are not considered substance addicted and am still learning how to effectively deal with them when I have to. It's what goes on inside my own head that matters and I (everyone) have (has) a choice as to how the action of others affect(s) me (them).