Ready to serve him now - Beyond Angry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Ready to serve him now - Beyond Angry
So today I went to refill a prescription online and we still had the family plan so I still saw his and I just didnt get around to changing it. Well. He must be wanting to have some fun. His refill on Cialis was there and picked up.
Now I know we are separated and possibly filing for divorce. He promised to never disrespect me during this process and abide by our vows until we were divorced. Stupid me believed him.
And I know you will all say it shouldnt matter but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
But you know what, it was what I needed to snap out of this pity phase and finally get my life back.
I no longer care and in our divorce, I will go for all I can get and am entitled too.
Tomorrow morning I cam going to the lawyers office and asking them to serve him asap.
Enough is enough. This is the fool I have been crying over? He never deserved any of my tears.
I will try to relax now but boy am I angry!! Lucky girl she is. He is 32 and needs some help in that department cause the drinking killed his libido.
Oh Karma, I hope you get him good.
Now I know we are separated and possibly filing for divorce. He promised to never disrespect me during this process and abide by our vows until we were divorced. Stupid me believed him.
And I know you will all say it shouldnt matter but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
But you know what, it was what I needed to snap out of this pity phase and finally get my life back.
I no longer care and in our divorce, I will go for all I can get and am entitled too.
Tomorrow morning I cam going to the lawyers office and asking them to serve him asap.
Enough is enough. This is the fool I have been crying over? He never deserved any of my tears.
I will try to relax now but boy am I angry!! Lucky girl she is. He is 32 and needs some help in that department cause the drinking killed his libido.
Oh Karma, I hope you get him good.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South Africa
Posts: 330
I also found the lies about other women the biggest of my pains to conquer. For me it was more painful> Maybe because it SHOUTS rejection.
Hang in there. Alcoholism tends to go with infidelity(my reality) and most of us were there and got better!
Hugs
Hang in there. Alcoholism tends to go with infidelity(my reality) and most of us were there and got better!
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by freefalling 
I also found the lies about other women the biggest of my pains to conquer. For me it was more painful> Maybe because it SHOUTS rejection.
Hang in there. Alcoholism tends to go with infidelity(my reality) and most of us were there and got better!
Hugs
Hang in there. Alcoholism tends to go with infidelity(my reality) and most of us were there and got better!
Hugs
Thank you for your understanding. This is the kick in the arse I needed to move on with my life. No regrets. Some pain but no regrets. I will burn the wedding photos this weekend with some wine on my patio. Free my soul..
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
lulu, my Mom also burned the pics and wedding dress. She doesn't regret it and I hope it is cathartic for you too.
This hurts in many levels. It was my best self torture technique, to imagine them "together" in our BED ! our room ! and him probably wearing the Simpsons boxers the fool TC999 gave him as a bday present ! then I recall seeing him driving from another side in town NOT where he lives, at 8am, same clothes. Bed hair. Arriving to work with a huge smile in his face. Not giving a damn I was there and saw him.
Like.. 2 weeks after our breakup?
Ouch!
I find it of bad taste. If you think about it its really sad, like a child who needs a teddy bear, a security blanket, something warm to hold on to because his own heart has turned cold.
That's one of the promises of Alcohol to the alcoholic, "I'll take your heart, give you one of stone".
They do that and its not personal. Really. Its Modus Operandi and its almost a surprise when an ex or STB has NOT found an enabler right away. The Nature of Addiction that is more powerful than anything.
NOTHING to do with you as a woman, human being.
I LOVE the determination in your post.
PS Have you gone to the doc for a STD/HIV test? I mean just as a precaution...
This hurts in many levels. It was my best self torture technique, to imagine them "together" in our BED ! our room ! and him probably wearing the Simpsons boxers the fool TC999 gave him as a bday present ! then I recall seeing him driving from another side in town NOT where he lives, at 8am, same clothes. Bed hair. Arriving to work with a huge smile in his face. Not giving a damn I was there and saw him.
Like.. 2 weeks after our breakup?
Ouch!
I find it of bad taste. If you think about it its really sad, like a child who needs a teddy bear, a security blanket, something warm to hold on to because his own heart has turned cold.
That's one of the promises of Alcohol to the alcoholic, "I'll take your heart, give you one of stone".
They do that and its not personal. Really. Its Modus Operandi and its almost a surprise when an ex or STB has NOT found an enabler right away. The Nature of Addiction that is more powerful than anything.
NOTHING to do with you as a woman, human being.
I LOVE the determination in your post.
PS Have you gone to the doc for a STD/HIV test? I mean just as a precaution...
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Anger helped me move through the worst of my split. It gave me the energy to keep on going - I channelled it into decorating the house to sell, dealing with a separation agreement etc. It was the first time I really 'allowed' myself to be angry and see that it can be a positive emotion for me. I didn't vent my anger on XAH - it would just give him ammunition - I used it all for ME!
You have every right to be angry. Use it wisely! if you have a copy of Codependent No More, have a look at the chapter on anger - its really useful!
You have every right to be angry. Use it wisely! if you have a copy of Codependent No More, have a look at the chapter on anger - its really useful!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh my dear Lulu, what an utter &$%#@*& and then some, is this moron. He doesn't need Cialis, he needs dunking in concrete.
Now you are angry, stirred up and motivated as all hell, and I almost felt a wee bit of pity for him......then I thought "no, let him go down in a fireball". Serve those papers, don't miss out on a thing you deserve in the settlement, and when it is all cut and dried, and you are free of him and his antics, life will begin anew for you.
Maybe then you will look at this time and tell us,
God bless
Now you are angry, stirred up and motivated as all hell, and I almost felt a wee bit of pity for him......then I thought "no, let him go down in a fireball". Serve those papers, don't miss out on a thing you deserve in the settlement, and when it is all cut and dried, and you are free of him and his antics, life will begin anew for you.
Maybe then you will look at this time and tell us,
God bless
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Be careful. Yes, anger at disclosure of my AH affair skyrocketed me out of depression and fueled my motivation (to burn his sh1t, call his GF and call her garbage and threaten her, and lose 20 pounds) but it also created a huge sense of rejection and abandonment when those things faded.
Affairs can suck the dignity from you and tie you closer to the person you're trying to leave. Remember, YOU a are leaving HIM. YOU are rejecting HIM. I was working on leaving my AH when I found out about his affair and it put the power right back into his hands for a long while. I gave him that power over me.
Affairs can suck the dignity from you and tie you closer to the person you're trying to leave. Remember, YOU a are leaving HIM. YOU are rejecting HIM. I was working on leaving my AH when I found out about his affair and it put the power right back into his hands for a long while. I gave him that power over me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
My XAH was on Match.com saying he was divorced when we were seperated. It was the catalyst I needed to go through the divorce. HP working in my life. I was in shock for a minute and then in gratitude to see who he really was......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Anger is a gift, Anger is what got me out of the hole after my 15 yr relationship ended with him cheating and leaving.
Anger got me on my feet, helped me focus and made me a new person
Use this anger to your FULLEST benefit.
Anger got me on my feet, helped me focus and made me a new person
Use this anger to your FULLEST benefit.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
LuLu,
I agree with the comments to harness the anger to propel you forward in life. But I caution you to THINK: First, what are you propelling TOWARD? Have you done enough work on yourself to have an idea of what YOU want for your life, for your self, for your future? Don't just REACT to the alcoholic's behavior, try to focus on what you want.
Also, look for the life lesson in all of this. What have you learned, other than "do not marry an alcoholic"? When I do not know or cannot identify the lesson in such an emotional experience, I ask myself, where in this am I being NOT emotionally mature? Doing this, exploring this, often helps me to find the lesson behind the experience.
I agree with the comments to harness the anger to propel you forward in life. But I caution you to THINK: First, what are you propelling TOWARD? Have you done enough work on yourself to have an idea of what YOU want for your life, for your self, for your future? Don't just REACT to the alcoholic's behavior, try to focus on what you want.
Also, look for the life lesson in all of this. What have you learned, other than "do not marry an alcoholic"? When I do not know or cannot identify the lesson in such an emotional experience, I ask myself, where in this am I being NOT emotionally mature? Doing this, exploring this, often helps me to find the lesson behind the experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
LuLu,
I agree with the comments to harness the anger to propel you forward in life. But I caution you to THINK: First, what are you propelling TOWARD? Have you done enough work on yourself to have an idea of what YOU want for your life, for your self, for your future? Don't just REACT to the alcoholic's behavior, try to focus on what you want.
Also, look for the life lesson in all of this. What have you learned, other than "do not marry an alcoholic"? When I do not know or cannot identify the lesson in such an emotional experience, I ask myself, where in this am I being NOT emotionally mature? Doing this, exploring this, often helps me to find the lesson behind the experience.
I agree with the comments to harness the anger to propel you forward in life. But I caution you to THINK: First, what are you propelling TOWARD? Have you done enough work on yourself to have an idea of what YOU want for your life, for your self, for your future? Don't just REACT to the alcoholic's behavior, try to focus on what you want.
Also, look for the life lesson in all of this. What have you learned, other than "do not marry an alcoholic"? When I do not know or cannot identify the lesson in such an emotional experience, I ask myself, where in this am I being NOT emotionally mature? Doing this, exploring this, often helps me to find the lesson behind the experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by transformyself
Be careful. Yes, anger at disclosure of my AH affair skyrocketed me out of depression and fueled my motivation (to burn his sh1t, call his GF and call her garbage and threaten her, and lose 20 pounds) but it also created a huge sense of rejection and abandonment when those things faded.
Affairs can suck the dignity from you and tie you closer to the person you're trying to leave. Remember, YOU a are leaving HIM. YOU are rejecting HIM. I was working on leaving my AH when I found out about his affair and it put the power right back into his hands for a long while. I gave him that power over me.
Affairs can suck the dignity from you and tie you closer to the person you're trying to leave. Remember, YOU a are leaving HIM. YOU are rejecting HIM. I was working on leaving my AH when I found out about his affair and it put the power right back into his hands for a long while. I gave him that power over me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
