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Old 01-30-2010, 07:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I want my son to stop drinking, what do i do?

My son is 21 years old. He lives at home with me and works full time at a car dealership, He has been drinking for about 2 years but not as heavily as the last 8 months. He gets very confrontational when I question his drinking, He starts drinking in his car on his way home from work everyday and between leaving work and when he gets home he's almost always intoxicated by then. He drinks on average a half a 5th of vodka within a few hours before he becomes so intoxicated he falls asleep or throws up. He does always go to work, He never misses days because of alcohol but he does ignore his responsibilities and he comes to work wreaking of alcohol. When he has days off he starts drinking very early in the day, Usually before 11am and stays highly intoxicated all day, even if he has something important to do. I don't understand what i did wrong as a Mother!! His father and I are divorced but we are friends, we speak and we both have always done our very best to take care of Brandon. He is so smart and so gifted I don't understand why he does this. As soon as he gets home he stumbles into his room and sits there for hours on end drinking and smoking. I cannot throw him out because he's my son, I could never do that, You who are mothers and fathers can understand why. His father ignores it and just plays it off as "its just his age"
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Old 01-30-2010, 09:55 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR ....

Sorry to know of this situation
Has your son said he wants to quit drinking?

All my best to both of you...
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Old 01-30-2010, 10:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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(((Karen))) I am so sorry that you are going through this. It truly can be a nightmare. Have you checked out any Al-anon meetings in your area. They can help you learn how to deal with an active alcoholic.

Unfortunately, unless Brandon wants help, there isn't much you can do for him. If you will read the stickies at the top of this forum, you will see the experiences of many others who have been exactly where you are. Our focus here is mainly on you and your well-being.

Welcome to SR. There is much wisdom and experience here. Please come back and spend some time with us. Even if you just post to vent, that can be helpful, too. Please take care of yourself.
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Old 01-30-2010, 10:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
get it, give it, grow in it
 
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Welcome from another mom
"I cannot throw him out because he's my son, I could never do that, You who are mothers can understand why. "

I kicked my son out. Otherwise we are enabling the alcoholism, which is a progressive disease. You are only making it easier for the disease to progress.
My son came back to live at home 5 yrs later.When I could see that alcoholism had taken him down very low, I offered treatment or the door. I could not have a front row seat in my own home to the disease.
\
Luckily, he was ready to seek help.
Before this he had hit some hard consequences.Often this is the case.


Have you considered al-anon? There are mtg. specifically for parents in my county.
Get a directory of mtg. in your area on- line. It really does work if you work the program. It helps you understand what alcoholism is, your role in this and how to not be co-dependent with your son .

The sooner you get help the sooner your situation will change.
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Old 09-21-2014, 07:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I just found this resource on a search from Google. I have the same problem as you Karen. I could have written the post myself, almost exactly. Their doesn't seem to be much help in the medical field or otherwise for this disease. And I have no idea what to do.
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Old 09-21-2014, 07:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karen58KL View Post
I cannot throw him out because he's my son, I could never do that, You who are mothers and fathers can understand why. His father ignores it and just plays it off as "its just his age"
Karen, you may very well end up changing your mind about that. And that does not mean you are abandoning him. You cannot get him to stop drinking. He will need to do that on his own, and will most likely make that decision when drinking and consequences become uncomfortable.

Sounds like its time for some Alanon for you so you can learn to set boundaries. What do you want to live with?

You ok with him living off you drunk?
Whose car is he driving? Yours? Your insurance? If so, you'll bear some liability if he's ever in an accident or hurts someone.
Do you give him money? You can see where that's going.

My point is, time to set some boundaries for yourself and to protect you. Otherwise he will pull you down with him.

This takes time to learn to do. Keep posting, check out Alanon, and know that you did NOTHING to cause this. You don't have that kind of power, nor do you have the power to fix it.

Hugs to you.
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Old 09-21-2014, 07:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Karen's one post is from 2010...

Welcome Ummdad62.
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