My oldest son, and other things...

[FreeBird09]

Hi, as many of you know my oldest son is an alcoholic. He is 24. Tonight he called me just to talk, which isn't often. We are close, but we don't usually talk on the phone. He said, you know Mom I have a drinking problem! (woah! my head said!, but I didn't voice it). He said, I sit here and my mind starts thinking. I NEED A BEER. He said, now I KNOW I don't NEED a beer but I listen to my thoughts and walk to the store and GET BEER. He said, now I know that I can beat this, but the thoughts pop up at weird times that tells me I NEED to drink. He went on to tell me about his episodes of passing out, blacking out (which I knew, as we live in a small town) and how he doesn't want to live like that any more. I told him that I know he can do it. He said he was worried about his little brother (my youngest) doing the same thing. He said Mom, it starts out being a fun thing and becomes this habit you can't seem to control. He says. ITS BAD!. I again agreed, but didn't try to take control and tell him WHAT to do about it, or how to do it. I just let him know that he can do it, for himself and for his family. (he has 2 kids).

On other thoughts. I found out nearly 3 weeks ago that my axbf was seeing someone while in the relationship with me. I was devastated. I have been crying since. I truly believed this man, even thought he may be a drunk I still believe that he was an honest drunk. Stupid of me. I cry just thinking about it, writing about it. I should be over this (after 16 months apart), but this new information really hurts deep to the core. I did call him when I found this out. He begged me to listen to him, that he swears on God that he did NOT sleep with, or has NOT slept with anyone since we have been together, or apart. I just told him that I hate him and to never contact me again.

Other news. It has been 2 months, or a little less that I quit smoking. I gained 10 lbs, but it's all good. I have not had ONE puff on a smoke, I did it cold turkey!!

I cried all day today. Holidays are hard to be alone. My kids have their own plans and I wish I had someone to hold. BUT, not an alcoholic or a liar.

[tigger11]

Oh Free... I'm so sorry it's been a rough holiday for you! Thoughts and prayers heading your way. Love, Tigger

[Carol Star]

If you can make it through the rain you can make to the sun.

[FanofJoeMcQ]

My dogs will hug you. What an amazing mom. I hope and pray your son makes it into the program. My parents were not very good listeners. I got tough loved and still do. Thanks for telling us about your journey! Happy holidays! You should be proud of yourself.

[isurvived]

Freebird... YOU are an amazing strong woman. I admire you!

We worry about our kids... extra. You handled that much better than I could have... well, maybe I have a grip on my "advice-giving tendencies" now more than before!

I know what you mean about that lonely feeling for someone to have to hug. Trust, it will come!

[bookwyrm]

Freedom, you really handled that conversation so well. Well done on keeping all those codie tendencies in check!

I too found out that STBXAH had another woman just waiting on the sidelines. I thought they were just friends - I trusted him completely. Hah. At the time I was angry at myself for being such an idiot. Talking this through with my counsellor, I'm still really angry that he betrayed me but I have learned that such unconditional trust is a dangerous thing. I won't ever trust anyone again that way and that's probably a good thing. He knew I would believe him despite the tell tale signs.

Now that the initial hurt has faded, I can see the positives. I'm kinda grateful. I think that if she wasn't there for him to latch onto then I would have had a whole lot more hassle from him than I did when he left - and I had enough for him to cope with! It also meant that I had no hope for our marriage. Infidelity is a dealbreaker for me - cast in iron because of my father. The marriage was over, no ifs, not buts. 'All' I had to focus on was putting myself back together.

I hope that you too can find some positives from this once the sting of betrayal has faded. It hurts like hell, I know. My counsellor really helped me - do you have a counsellor to talk to about it?

And congratulations on quitting smoking! I too quit cold turkey 8 years ago and it was really hard. I decided that the cigarette wasn't going to be the boss of me and just stopped ('kay, I had tried on and off to quit for about 6 months before using patches etc).