Weekend emptiness

[mamaplus2kids]

I don't really like weekends. I usually find myself feeling lonely and wishing my boyfriend would spend time with my two children and me.

Saturday morning is not such a problem, because my son has early hockey practice, so I am up and out of the house by 8:30. And I like Sunday mornings when I can sleep in, read, have a leisurely breakfast, stay in my pajamas until 11 am.

It's the Saturday afternoons and Sundays that depress me. I am always alone! My married friends do things together. I just don't have the motivation to accomplish anything. Maybe I should stop thinking about why my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me on weekends and start to live my weekends the way I want to. I just can't kick the fantasy of having someone in my life to share weekends with.

[bookwyrm]

So what can you do just for you? No need to 'accomplish' anything! Get to your local library and lose yourself in a good book. I've spent all morning reading - it's been fab. This afternoon I plan on doing a little bit of online shopping (Christmas is on its way after all...), pick up one of my hobbies and maybe just finish that book off! It feels like this is the first day in ages that I don't have anywhere to go, anything to do (there is always housework but I'll get round to that through the week), anyone to see and can just do as I please. I look at this time as a side effect of getting away from STBXAH - this is my little slice of freedom and I will revel in it when I get the chance!

What would be your ideal way of indulging YOU? Share your life with yourself!

[mamaplus2kids]

There was a six-month period following my separation from my XAH, during which I was lonely but happy. If I was alone, it was because I chose to be alone. Now, I think that I am alone because the person whom I love would prefer to smoke his dope and drink with his friends than be with me, and it hurts. In the three years we've been together, we have never spent an entire weekend together. He gets fidgety and needs to leave to go work, etc. He's self-employed, so he works at odd hours.

Apart from the fact that he spends so little time with us, he is a good listener, he's kind, gentle, and has never asked for money. We don't live together, so I don't witness his using. And I've set the boundary that I don't want him drunk or high in the house, which he respects. It's just that I feel he's more of a part-time boyfriend--or lover-- than a partner.

[Still Waters]

I'm never alone - I now share a tiny room with a teenager. But I'm not "lonely" at all, I suppose I don't mind being alone. I read or work, or come here to SR.

mama - is there a low price symphony playing where you are this weekend? A good movie?

I can think of a lot of things I might go out to do if I had a car and any money.

[transformyself]

I can relate to being left for the "other woman" of addiction.

Apart from the fact that he spends so little time with us, he is a good listener, he's kind, gentle, and has never asked for money.

My AH also has attributes that I adored. Many of them, until the ugliness crept in at least.

My list of acceptable and desirable traits in a partner is now much longer and specific than it use to be. In fact, it's very specific and I won't settle until I've got the checklist completed.

LOVES me, adores and openly worships me actually
Delights in my quirky ways
Loves, adores and is endlessly patient and wise with my children
Drop dead handsome
Smart (at least as smart as I am)
Funny but not crude
Good listener, very thoughtful
Kind, gentle
Fiscally responsible..

you see where I'm going.

For me, the thought of finally being free of this insane relationship I had, of being free from my obsession with AH, is a true miracle. If I can do that, I can call the man who is perfect for me to me.

Thanks for posting. Hope you're having fun with your kids today! they really will be gone before you know it.

[mamaplus2kids]

Okay... I guess I shouldn't settle for him.

He doesn't worship me, but I think he loves me (but how do you know?) He says he loves me, but how should someone show it?
I know he loves the children and they love him. He's patient and wise. But I don't think he adores them.
He's smart and can be funny (definitely not crude)
Good listener, very thoughtful (yes!)
Kind, gentle (yes!)
Fiscally responsible.. (I'm not sure. He doesn't have enough money to go on vacation, to go out to restaurants. So, he doesn't do any of these things, which one could say is being responsible. He just doesn't want to earn more and prefers to live a simple life.)

Perhaps, I expect too much from a man who can't give more.

[JenT1968]

I don't want someone who worships me, I think that would be kind of creepy LOL, but I do want someone who wants to spend roughly the same amount of time with me that I want to spend with them.

Wants being the operative word. Making someone spend time with me doesn't sound fun. Clearly these things evolve and change over time, and sensible adult conversations can be had from time to time if one or other is feeling unhappy at the balance.

I'm not a spend-every-minute-with-some-one-else type of person (some people are and that's fine, its just wouldn't work for me), I'm also fairly sure I couldn't maintain a relationship with a polar explorer or a professional athlete or anything else that required an immense amount of focus and time away from the rest of life (some people can and that's fine: its just not me). So I am not going to chose to be with these people.

Sounds like he needs a lot of time away from your relationship. Can you accept that this is who he is and be happy with the relationship or not? either decision is yours and is valid.

[naive]

hi mama-

pot smokers and drinkers like to smoke and drink to unwind. they tend to chill out with other pot smokers or drinkers. that is what they do. they don't have to be addicts but can be merely people who are used to/enjoy relaxing in this manner.

pot smokers and drinkers, when they are indulging, do not want to be around someone who is cold stone sober. that's not fun for them.

the fact that your house is a sober one might be the reason he's not there.

it probably doesn't have much to do with you, as in its not personal.

n