Question about divorce

[honoryourself]

For any of you who went through separation and divorce...
My state requires you separate and cannot cohabitate for at least one year prior to divorcing. I was wondering about how much everyone was spending in lawyers or court fees to get to that first step of separation? I suppose everyone will tell me it's completely all over the map.. but I know lawyers cost a fortune and I would want to know what I'm getting into before I drop a few hundred on an initial consultation!

[liveweyerd]

Your initial consultation should be free and you then decide if you want to hire THAT particular lawyer. And they should tell you what it will cost and if they do not, be sure to ask.
You might look up the Bar Association for your state and you might find some statistics.
I am sure there are some guidelines available to you on the net but cannot tell you offhand where to look.
Your attorney can also file for him to pay attorney fees. The judge may or may not grant it. But ask about it.

[kv816]

There are probably ways around the living situation for a year. Especially considering there is no hope for the marriage because of his untreated alcoholism that seems to be escalating into other, more threatening, episodes (such as verbal abuse).

I have never been charged a consultation fee for divorce so you may not be either. Usually the consultation fee is for stupid, criminal stuff where you may or may not win. There is no win/lose in a divorce, IMO.

But the end fee does differ. My first divorce she only charged me $300 (but for this one he had already disappeared, I was on my own for 8 months so we had no property to divide and he had no interest in custody). I've talked to four for my second divorce and it ranged from $500 (they did paperwork but did not appear in court) to $1750 (paperwork, appear in court and considering a possible custody battle).

Good luck sweetie!

[Thumper]

A guesstimate seems to be around $1200 give or take here.

There is only a 60 day wait where I am at. I don't think there is any stipulation regarding co-habitating.

[MissFixit]

In SC you can it it expedited if alcohol or drugs are relevant.

[CatsPajamas]

Some places will allow/require mediation as a part of the initial divorce proceedings. Other places? You can get a do-it-yourself divorce kit and fill it out yourself. It really depends on where you live.

The cost IS all over the place. It depends on whether or not you and your soon-to-be ex agree on things like who gets what bills and property settlement. If you don't agree? Expect that it will cost more than you think it will. Trust me.

Mine cost over $3k

[Jazzman]

Unfortunately I have lots of experience with this subject. I have been divorced in VA twice. The first was amicable and the kids best interest were our main priority, we used one lawyer to help draft a legal separation. Since we had minor children a year wait was required before filing for divorce. I paid all the lawyer and court fees, that was $1500.

Oh and even though we agreed in writing to split the marital debt I ended up with all of it anyway. It was a joint account and she stopped paying the bill. Only reason I mention that is a separation agreement becomes incorporated in the final divorce decree signed by a judge. But still it's just a piece of paper. To enforce it you have to be willing to take someone to court.

My second divorce was far from amicable and since we had no minor children the separation requirement was only six months. We were separated for just under a year before filing and that one cost me over $15,000 in legal fees. I'm not including the check I wrote to my ex. That was enough to fund a college education for a mediocre in state school.

Anyway, yes they can be all over the map. A legal separation is not required to start the clock for the physical separation to begin. But it's a good idea to have one for lots of liability issues.

[isurvived]

I can add to that... my "retainer" was $2500. My divorce took 2 years to complete. Lots of wrangling. Final tally $18,000. YEP. Painful? YEP.

But, the freedom I feel now, PRICELESS!

[nodaybut2day]

I don't know if this applies to your area, but where I live, if any kind of domestic abuse has taken place (whether physical, emotional or psychological), you can request to forgo mediation, and divorce proceedings can be drafted and seen before the courts in about 3 weeks.

The lawyer I have hired was recommended to me by a local domestic violence organization, so she specializes in cases like mine. Her rate is 60$ for the first hour and 125$ per hour afterwards, which is very reasonable all things considered (my boss charges 450$ an hour for labor and employment law).

[honoryourself]

Thanks everyone for your experiences and statistics.
I know it wouldn't be amicable.. I'm sure it would be a huge shock to mr-no-one-is-seriously-leaving-me-she's-just-threatening. I'm also sure it would be nearly impossible to come to an agreement and if we did come to one, getting him to follow through with his portion would also come with an unlimited number of excuses. It's not that he's not working now, but I think he has an excuse for everything.

This morning he's on his way to work--now he's working 6 days a week, but usually it's just a couple hours max on saturdays. He holds that over my head like poor me I work so hard. Whatever, he had 8 months of "running his own business" which meant doing whatever he wanted, maybe working a few hours a day and doing a little house work. In the mean time I'm working full time, freelancing, and picking up extra work doing focus groups and writing articles so that we can eat out free. And he's throwing it all in my face like, "you only did ONE focus group" (two in one week, that's a couple hundred dollars!!), or "you haven't been paid for your articles" (paid for 2 and the other 4 pay at the end of this month). I mean, it's just disgusting. He thinks his work is so hard. Must be really tough having a cigarette break for 5 minutes every 20. I don't even get a minute to myself at my FT job. Oh well, it's not about pity me. I do my job, if I wanted a new one I'd get it, so it's whatever. I'm just tired of pitying people. Man up! This is life!

He wants to go out and buy stuff and then sell it on ebay to make some money he tells me this morning. This means, I outlay the money because he hasn't gotten another paycheck yet. Then I probably list it, I probably ship it, and we share the profits. He'll probably say, I will help! But when the time comes it will be "you're so much better at this, I'll just watch." or "I'm too busy to get to the post office." Since he has some equipment he needs to return for a failed business that would get us $200 back and it's been two months and he hasn't sent it. Today when I brought that up saying, well it seems you don't have enough time to sell stuff if you can't get to the post office to return something and make 200 dollars back. Apparently it's different because it's fed ex and now I'm being a nag. IT WILL GET DONE. (right). He bought some stuff from Target in summer and promised to return them to recover $50, but of course had lost the receipt. Theyve been in his car since the beginning of august waiting to be returned. But he doesn't have time, he says. And It WILL GET DONE. And I need to stop causing arguments. And if I'm so concerned about it, I could take it to the store today because I "have free time". Because I did 4 hours of housework last night while he drank and now that he's going to work I must be nuts to think that my free time this afternoon could be spent on myself. HA. Sorry! Your problem. Maybe I'm a nag, but I'm just saying--I'm not interested in having to outlay money and then stress over more stuff not getting done on time because my AH doesn't do things that don't sound fun to him.

Now I'm trying to figure out what I want to do today--meet a friend for lunch? Go for a walk in the woods with my dog? Hm! Return something to Target that my AH promised to do 3 months ago? NOPE!