Understanding Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde??

[Kittyboo]

I read so many posts here...mostly from the past couple of years. There seemed to be a lot of activity here back then, and I enjoy reading everyone's thoughts and comments back. The support.

I'm in recovery. Not of alcoholism, of falling in love with an alcoholic and my codie nature. I was also recently diagnosed with ptsd. I knew I had a form from child abuse but I never brought it up. You see my alcoholic friend also suffered from combat ptsd. What he felt and went through causes him more pain than what I go through, so I never ever wanted to say "hey, I have it too!" It's not the same.

Anyway.....i've posted a couple of times before, and I guess right now i'm just in thought. I'm in counseling which is bringing a lot up.
But he just recently went back to his ex wife, who he told me he had a disasterous relationship with. He put all of the blame on her....now I look back and of course question what was true and what wasn't that he told me. But bottom line, she ended up being someone he could not get over or live without.

And that gets me thinking about the charming nature of an alcoholic. And thinking about combat ptsd as well.
They were married for only 9 months before he picked up and left her. Moved states away. He said she was horrible (not that horrible obviously). She is only 23 he 33. Their relationship filled with drinking. But he said he is comfortable with her, she's the only one who knows what it's like to really be with him. (I'll give her that....I don't know really at all).

But he went to win her love back. This is where I get confused...... he is certainly the most charming and manipulative man when he wants to be. So no doubt he poured on the charm to win her back ( I believe he even whitened his teeth before he went back to see her...they were stained from bottles and bottles of wine ).

His life, as he made it out to me, was ruled by ptsd. His lack of desire to socialize, his isolation, his lack of emotion. How many times did I hear how he couldn't feel emotions. But when he decided he wanted his ex back, he didn't have any problem expressing his love for her. (yes, that hurt a lot).
But how is it....HOW IS IT? that a man, so influenced by drinking, by ptsd can SEEM to CONTROL it?
What I mean by that, is obviously when you are working your hardest to get someone back in your life, all of a sudden you can become Prince Charming?? All of those things that rule your life can be put on hold while you get what you want?
Why then, if you can do it for that time, to get what you want, why can't you just continue to be Prince Charming?

I am studying Psychology, I am fascinated by it. By my own actions, actions of others.

I've read it occassionally by those married to alcoholics, that they are so charming at first...but it is an act. Well, it was certainly an act with me. But even he, who was not 100% honest with ME, has me fooled, from a distance again, that he is "fixed" by her...that he is happy. They have only been back together for a couple of months....but it is the perception.
But I knew him from the divorce, until now, and he certainly did nothing to work on his drinking issues or anything else. He even told me once that he did Coke on work retreat in July.

I no longer speak to him, as soon as he wanted her back, I was no longer a care to him at all. Even after all of the months of support, love and friendship I offered after he was so "ruined" by his ex. Jeez, it's all such a joke...and I fell for the punch line.

Is there anyone who drinks or who doesn't drink has any answer to an apparent switch and control in behavior??

For those out there, I wish everyone a life full of happiness, friendship and love. Feeling like you have none of that is the worst feeling in the world. And everyone is worth so much.

[LaTeeDa]

My aunt once told me that alcoholics can quit drinking for a while if that's what it takes to get what they want. I think the same thing applies to the kind of behavior you're talking about. Anyone can do anything--for a while. But, sooner or later, the true person comes through.

I can put on an act for short term gratification, but short term gratification is no longer what I want. I want the real thing, and that requires being real. Not easy, but worth it.

L

[Kittyboo]

Thank you
I've actually read more today about the relationship between instant gratification and alcoholics.

He says he's looking for long term with her, the rest of his life with her. Maybe he is being "real"...it is certainly what he seems to want. I will never know who he really is though. He was never real with me completely, so I don;t know if he's being real with her or an act.
I just find the switch in personality amazing....and yes, also infuriating, because it makes me feel like the fool.