The talk

[Dodgegirl2009]

So we had the talk with my step dad the other day and he agreed to get help but the dr thinks its for all the wrong reasons. he said that he wasnt to get help b/c of his grand daughter and as far as i am concerned i think that if he wants help then give it to him no matter what the reason it.

i guess im just confused about that

the other thing that has been bothering me is that my mom and i were talking and she said that she has to be prepared for him to leave her and i got really scared as he has been in my life for 12 years and i love him. it scared me and i was just reaching out to see how common it really is for someone like him to leave a person that they have been with for 12 years after all of this. i also was thinking about that if he leaves her he wouldnt see his granddaughter because she is my daughter.

im just so lost and confused

[NewMe11109]

Dodgegirl - Welcome to SR.

I think what the doctor was saying is that an alcoholic needs to decide to quit drinking for themselves and not for someone else. If he is doing it without a real desire to quit drinking and without a program of recovery, relapse is highly likely.

There are a lot of good people on this list who will give you advice on your second question. Sorry for your situation.

[naive]

welcome dodgegirl-

glad you're here.

it is very tough to quit drinking. many people are not sucessful if they aren't sick of the drink themselves. many feel that if someone tries to quit drinking for someone else, they won't make it, because it is so difficult. i think this is what the doctor means.

that said, perhaps your step father is finished with drinking and being around for his granddaughter is helping motivate him to change.

every journey of 100 miles begins with the first step.

if he wants to quit, he would do well to find an alcoholics anonymous (AA) meeting nearby and go to it. AA has helped many people to stop drinking.

as for him leaving your mother, that's between the two of them. your relationship with him is between you and him really.

that said, alcoholics often threaten to leave but rarely do. it's part of the sickness, to threaten to leave in order to manipulate the other person.

hopefully, he will go and get help. he'll need it if he really wants to stop. tell him that he doesn't have to say anything if he goes to a meeting, he can just listen. and tell him that you don't have to be an alcoholic to go to AA, you just have to want to stop drinking.

naive