manipulation? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

sketscher · 10-30-2009, 08:59 PM

I think my xabf might be trying to manipulate me and take advantage of my somewhat new relationship with a totally incredible church and my relationship with Jesus. Tell me what you guys think...

xabf calls yesterday making some snide remark about always being involved with church activities, next message a minute later is about the same. Today he calls and leaves a message crying telling me about his nephew (feel so cold saying this but it's his ex wife's newphew really that I suspect he rarely saw) who is very ill, he needs a heart transplant and has now had a stroke. He requested that I keep him in my prayers, which obviously I will do.

I have no desire to get back into this man's life. It's been over a year since I've even seen him face to face. And since being Baptized this year and finding a church where I volunteer and wholeheartedly enjoy myself, feel welcome and not judged and feel that God is healing me, I'm just so light hearted. In other words his toxic crap just doesn't interest me anymore. I speak to xabf from time to time, expressing the joy in my heart. Our conversations are never long and I never venture off course with him.

But tonight I do feel particularly troubled by his call. But I know you guys will understand my position. It seems awful that a person could use a horrific illness as a ploy to draw someone into their madness, but I have an inkling that the addiction has no qualms about such a thing.

what do you guys think?

My Lord commands me to forgive but I know it's also ok to set boundaries.

Please pray with me about this little boy and his family.

Still Waters · 10-30-2009, 09:06 PM

Is he manipulating you? Yes, he's trying.

sailorjohn · 10-30-2009, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sketscher

xabf calls yesterday

Why are you taking his calls?

sketscher · 10-30-2009, 09:53 PM

Didn't take his calls. He left messages.

You guys really understand why I must turn away. While my friends may not. This is why I posted here tonight.

thx

Learn2Live · 10-31-2009, 05:05 AM

Sketscher, Absolutely I think you are right; I think he is trying to manipulate you and find a way into your good heart.

Now cut the guilt girl. The fact that your ex-boyfriend's ex-wife's brother's son you've probably never met has had a stroke is not your concern. You can't do anything about it anyway. No cruelty here, just realism.

That man has NO RIGHT to commandeer your prayers!

MeHandle · 10-31-2009, 06:28 AM

You pray and he doesn't even need to know. You can't control if he calls, you choose whether you listen to the messages , you control if you call him back. You decide who you pray for. I don't know his heart, but I do know that what is meant for evil God meant for good. If he meant it to manipulate, God meant it for good. I will lift up a pray for this family with you.

The comments about church activities...... shocker!!!!( Oh course i am being sarcastic :-) My hope is you go on finding healing and activity in the 'body of Christ' and let the world think what it wants, lots in it will anyway. The love you find in Christ is alive and active. Remember Christ had boundaries in dealing with people and the church body is commanded to organize with boundaries. Chaos is not of God. And you can't die an eternal ransom for xa sin, only Christ could and did that if he so chooses to receive this free gift. Is all you can do is forgive as a human to a human because of your relationship with God. Forgiveness does not equal trust and the need for boundaries. Forgiveness is not holding against him the sins he has committed towards you, letting go of revenge. You are limited to forgiveness that is human, forgiveness that only points to the Savior. Not simply excepting xa( trust) and holding boundaries add to your forgiveness in this way: " Love covers a multitude of sin." If you love and care for yourself you therefore love and care for him, with boundaries working for both of you, that he might not sin against you and you might not sin. The covering is that a line of what can become multitudes of sin now never happen.

love tammy

Cucumber2Pickle · 11-02-2009, 04:09 PM

My A/bf was EXTREMELY manipulative when we first started sdating - he did it so bad he didnt even notice. He isnt as much now if at all but I have noticed manipulation is a definit symptom of an addict

sb0804 · 11-02-2009, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still Waters

Is he manipulating you? Yes, he's trying.

I personally feel that if their lips are moving they are lying or trying to manipulate us.

Jadmack25 · 11-03-2009, 04:20 AM

Being a Christian does not mean listening or reading someone else's rubbish.
Hand him over to God, asking only that he may be given whatever God intends.

Your religious relationship is your business, and anyone who mocks it is not a friend, nor do you need to hear them.

Cut all ties and contact from your end, and eventually he will stop hassling you.

God bless

10-30-2009, 08:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
sketscher Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Southern Wisconsin Posts: 378	manipulation? I think my xabf might be trying to manipulate me and take advantage of my somewhat new relationship with a totally incredible church and my relationship with Jesus. Tell me what you guys think... xabf calls yesterday making some snide remark about always being involved with church activities, next message a minute later is about the same. Today he calls and leaves a message crying telling me about his nephew (feel so cold saying this but it's his ex wife's newphew really that I suspect he rarely saw) who is very ill, he needs a heart transplant and has now had a stroke. He requested that I keep him in my prayers, which obviously I will do. I have no desire to get back into this man's life. It's been over a year since I've even seen him face to face. And since being Baptized this year and finding a church where I volunteer and wholeheartedly enjoy myself, feel welcome and not judged and feel that God is healing me, I'm just so light hearted. In other words his toxic crap just doesn't interest me anymore. I speak to xabf from time to time, expressing the joy in my heart. Our conversations are never long and I never venture off course with him. But tonight I do feel particularly troubled by his call. But I know you guys will understand my position. It seems awful that a person could use a horrific illness as a ploy to draw someone into their madness, but I have an inkling that the addiction has no qualms about such a thing. what do you guys think? My Lord commands me to forgive but I know it's also ok to set boundaries. Please pray with me about this little boy and his family.

10-31-2009, 05:05 AM	#5 (permalink)
Learn2Live To thine own self be true. Join Date: May 2009 Location: U.S.A. Posts: 890 Blog Entries: 4	Sketscher, Absolutely I think you are right; I think he is trying to manipulate you and find a way into your good heart. Now cut the guilt girl. The fact that your ex-boyfriend's ex-wife's brother's son you've probably never met has had a stroke is not your concern. You can't do anything about it anyway. No cruelty here, just realism. That man has NO RIGHT to commandeer your prayers! __________________ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

10-30-2009, 09:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
Still Waters Being Silent so I can Hear Mahjong Champion! Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: USA Posts: 1,399	Is he manipulating you? Yes, he's trying.

10-30-2009, 09:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
sketscher Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Southern Wisconsin Posts: 378	Didn't take his calls. He left messages. You guys really understand why I must turn away. While my friends may not. This is why I posted here tonight. thx

10-31-2009, 06:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
MeHandle 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: IL Posts: 366	You pray and he doesn't even need to know. You can't control if he calls, you choose whether you listen to the messages , you control if you call him back. You decide who you pray for. I don't know his heart, but I do know that what is meant for evil God meant for good. If he meant it to manipulate, God meant it for good. I will lift up a pray for this family with you. The comments about church activities...... shocker!!!!( Oh course i am being sarcastic :-) My hope is you go on finding healing and activity in the 'body of Christ' and let the world think what it wants, lots in it will anyway. The love you find in Christ is alive and active. Remember Christ had boundaries in dealing with people and the church body is commanded to organize with boundaries. Chaos is not of God. And you can't die an eternal ransom for xa sin, only Christ could and did that if he so chooses to receive this free gift. Is all you can do is forgive as a human to a human because of your relationship with God. Forgiveness does not equal trust and the need for boundaries. Forgiveness is not holding against him the sins he has committed towards you, letting go of revenge. You are limited to forgiveness that is human, forgiveness that only points to the Savior. Not simply excepting xa( trust) and holding boundaries add to your forgiveness in this way: " Love covers a multitude of sin." If you love and care for yourself you therefore love and care for him, with boundaries working for both of you, that he might not sin against you and you might not sin. The covering is that a line of what can become multitudes of sin now never happen. love tammy

11-02-2009, 04:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
Cucumber2Pickle Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: West Des Moines, IA Posts: 23 Blog Entries: 1	My A/bf was EXTREMELY manipulative when we first started sdating - he did it so bad he didnt even notice. He isnt as much now if at all but I have noticed manipulation is a definit symptom of an addict

11-03-2009, 04:20 AM	#9 (permalink)
Jadmack25 I come from a land Downunder Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 895	Being a Christian does not mean listening or reading someone else's rubbish. Hand him over to God, asking only that he may be given whatever God intends. Your religious relationship is your business, and anyone who mocks it is not a friend, nor do you need to hear them. Cut all ties and contact from your end, and eventually he will stop hassling you. God bless

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)