finally had the talk

[alcoholicson]

I finally told my son last night that I would not be going to his house in
the middle of the night, Saturday mornings, etc. because he calls and
tells me he is sick because of his drinking. I cannot and will not put
myself through that again. My blood pressure is up, my anxiety level is
through the roof and he is literally killing me along with him. He keeps
telling me after each time he does this that he is not going to drink again.
The drinking is eating his stomach lining up. He can't eat sometimes
because of the pain. He swears to me after each episode that he doesn't
like to feel this way and that he isn't going to do it again. But guess what,
he is drinking again. He is about to lose everything. He has no job, has
been looking but no bites, he has no money for his rent, other bills, etc.
because when he drinks he goes on a spending spree and takes all of
his "friends" out and pays. It seems now also that when he is in his
drunken state he gets a new tatoo somewhere else on his body and when
he sobers up he starts freaking out because of the new tatoo. This time
he put them on his hands.

I love my son. He has a good heart. But the drinking is just wearing me
out mentally and physically. I am only 43 years old but I feel like I am
63 years old. I just need reassurance that I did the right thing by just
walking away. Please help.

[transformyself]

You did the right thing. Welcome. I"m pretty new here myself but am amazed at the other folks who post my story.

Congratulations on setting boundaries and taking care of yourself!
Now, what kind of plan do you have in place to enforce your new boundaries?

[nodaybut2day]

Wow, it must have taken so much courage to do what you did. My daughter is only 1, but I'm trying to imagine what inhuman strength it would take to love her and let her go, should she choose such a destructive path.

I'm in awe of you mama.

I'm still new at this, but I think you did the right thing and I applaud you.

[NYC_Chick]

You made the right decision. You willbe ok. Have faith. Sending prayers your way.

[alcoholicson]

Thanks for the posts. I really haven't thought beyond
what I just said (or did). I guess that is something that I need to
think about. It just took everything I had to just do that.

When I have a plan I will let you know. And thank you again.

[Still Waters]

I can't imagine the pain you parents go through. I just pray and pray that my child doesn't ever have to deal with addictions.

You did the right thing, for BOTH of you. You cannot control or cure him - only other alcoholics can even begin to do that.

Now - enough about him, how are YOU today? What are your plans? Are you eating enough? Getting enough sleep? We are here for you and worry about your well being.

[alcoholicson]

Sleeping? Not much. Eating? Stuff I shouldn't be eating. I was on
weight watchers and lost 15 lbs. but have slacked off. I don't do
good in stressful situations. I am a stress eater. I probably have
gained back about 5 lbs. that I lost. The sleeping part, I have to
take OTC sleep meds practially every night just to get about four
hours of sleep. I just lay there and worry that the phone is going
to ring. Even if my son calls me just to say hello I start freaking
out when I see his name pop up on my phone.

I have made an appointment with my doc. Won't see me until
December 4th. Hopefully I won't kill over before then. I am
really trying to keep my blood pressure down. Checked it
last night and it was 145/98. That was actually better than it
was last week.

Thank you for caring. It is hard to talk to family members about
this because all they want to do is fuss about his drinking. I
am tired of hearing it. I have distanced myself from my mom and
sister because all they do is complain about him and it just
depresses me. Thanks again. This helps to get this out.

[Still Waters]

Al-anon and the 12 steps can help you with detachment. Detachment will help you not lay awake at night fretting and freak out when the phone rings.

You can calmly and nicely ask your family members to not discuss your son with you, if they can only talk about his drinking.

[Bernadette]

Welcome alcoholicson!
You are not alone. Stick around and please do tell your doctor about all your stresses and keep asking for and accepting help-- alcoholism is a serious disease and can seriously make the loved ones of the alcoholic sick as well -- but it doesn't have to!

There are ways to keep your life serene. I needed the help of AlAnon and some one-on-one therapy to break free of the agony I was letting my brothers alcoholism cause me. It took a lot of effort at first but it was worth it and it got much better for me pretty quickly once I committed to changing.

Glad you found this place!
peace-
b

[naive]

the wisdom of alanon says to step back and permit the addict to suffer the consequences of their drinking.

ask yourself, has what you've been doing worked? has it stopped the madness?

one of my favorite alanon stories is the mother who had tried everything to get her son to stop drinking. finally, the boy was on his knees, sick, very sick and he looked up at his mother and said "i'll go to rehab. call them."

and she looked at him and said "you call them" and walked out of the room.

try 10 minutes a day of sitting meditation. i bet your anxiety lowers rapidly.

[alcoholicson]

Last night I went by there to see him and my daughter who lives across the street. My son asked to speak to me in the kitchen just me and him. He said that he had been sick on his stomach, dry heaving and was feeling really really bad. I asked him why? Was he drinking? He said yes that he had been drinking a little bit. He looked pale and sickly. I just told him well you know you can't drink, you know what is causing it, you know what you have to do and I walked out of the room. That was very hard. But I actually slept better last night because of it. I feel like I am getting some of the power back in my life just for telling him I am not doing this anymore. Pray for me that I will have the strength to keep saying no.

[naive]

glad to hear that you slept a bit better last night.

he might hit it harder to draw you back in. mine did.

here's wishing you well standing your new found ground.

[Dreamer42long]

Welcome Alcoholicson! I wish my ABF's mother was as strong and determined as you! You may not feel strong now, but the steps you are taking demonstrate that you love your son enough to let him go. I've told my ABF many many times, "I will not love you to death and stand by and watch while you slowly kill yourself." You have much courage and this will get easier each time you stand up for yourself. It's very empowering.

Keep coming back...this place gives us all strength and that's what we all need now!