Found out and spoke to AH GF today

[onlyliveonce]

Well my AH is also a drug addict so after 18 yrs. I finally had to save our son and myself. He was living on the streets in his van. Well he called today from a church and I was kidding with him and told him to put his GF on the phone and he handed the phone to some girl that sounded young. She said she was his GF and had knew him for about a month and half, she met him in the parking lot of a conv. store. I told her she had her hands full and that he was an alcoholic and drug addict. She said she hasn't seen him do any drugs (hang around long enough and you'll learn alot is what I was thinking)!! I was very upset when this was initially happening and almost felt like I could blow at anytime. I have ALOT of anger towards him for what he's put us through.


Anyway I called back to the church and before the lady even knew who I was she told me they just come to use the phone and that at a local dumpy drug infested motel the church holds a bible study on tuesday and they were there and was at church last night. I have already promised myself I will not go to that motel so don't worry about that you guys!! I know better cause I would probably try to beat the **** out of him. I'm not upset with her once I've calmed down I think I'm just pissed it's sooo... easy for him to move on even though he is just using her for whatever he needs. He is a huge manipulator, liar, and is perfectly fine not working. We have a 14 yr. old son who dosen't see him nor does he contribute to his support. He 's pretty much a loser so why the hell am I upset about this?? I should be happy he's found someone else to mooch off of and bother!!

I don't even know how to tell you guys right now what I am feeling!! I am at work so I will contain it until I leave here. My heart feels broken all over again!! That's how I feel and here comes the tears!! I love him but do not want him back so what's going on with me??? And how do I feel better about the whole thing??? Need as many hugs as possible!!!

[suzieq1972]

((onlyliveonce))

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's increidibly painful to be in love with an addict. They will break your heart over and over again...if you let them. That's the key. They can only do to you what you allow them to do.

You know your AH is an addict. You know he has a girlfriend. What are you going to do now? I see that he has left your home, that's a great first step.

You can stop the pain. You can go no contact. You can file for divorce. BUT, you are the only one who can do it.

Please don't suffer needlessly. There is a better life for you out there!



Sue

[TakingCharge999]

onlyliveonce...

that is what active addicts do.. stop being surprised, as the other thread says

they will hurt you and when you think it can't be worse they will hurt you more

that is why you need to be as far as possible

i also know the feeling, of seeing how "easy" it looks for them

but i realized i was comparing apples and oranges

MOVING ON is going through the mourning process, looking at yourself with honesty and learning from your mistakes

keeping the status quo drinking, taking drugs, using people, is NOT the "moving on" we know. its just more hiding and escaping from reality. that is NOT Healthy Moving On. and when you do that (i know because i escaped many times) by the end you will just repeat the same story, over and over again.

Melody Beattie says, when in loss, you either pay now or pay later.... who cares about a man that is not a man, or partner much less of a father, and any girl out there that just met him and knows nothing about who he is... i do not care about them at all

i care about you, stay away, protect yourself legally, go no contact with him and his friends/partners/dogs whatever

having a window to "their new life" is very harmful, i hope you shut it for good.

that's all you can do... do you believe in God/HP? develop a relation with it onlyliveonce... do not forget you are a child of God/HP and you deserve happiness

good luck!!

[onlyliveonce]

Thanks for the replies!! I guess I'm just going to sit here and go through the feelings and emotions and hopefully they will pass soon. I think going the complete no contact is the way to go. I don't want him to know I know where he is staying so when I get the D paper s ready he hopefully won't be hard to find. He will try to dodge me on those. I know that's what addicts do so I don't know why I have let it affect me like this. I quit expecting anything from him a long time ago but that's why I got my feelings hurt, because I expected him to have feelings like a normal person and he does not so I really did it to myself. I want his heart to hurt like mine does!!

[anvilhead]

I want his heart to hurt like mine does!!

let's talk that out for a sec....so you are sitting there with a broken leg...and you want HIM to break HIS leg so he knows how YOU feel. does that in ANY way change what YOU feel, FIX your leg??? see we gotta learn to tend to our own feelings, deal with the hurts and the sadness, without looking to ANYBODY else to fix us.

your feelings are just that. YOUR feelings. your responsibility. nobody elses. that your heart hurts is NOT his problem. that you are affected by what he does is YOUR choice. you said....after 18 years.....by now nothing he does should really surprise you. he is who he is. and you are best DONE with him.

NO contact is an excellent choice. and that goes both ways....incoming and outgoing. no chatting it up, and then asking to talk to his gf. no more info from the church lady. NOW is the time to start being DONE. finalize it all. proceed with the divorce which will legally disconnect you. and truly TRULY get on with YOUR own life!!!!!

[TakingCharge999]

oh do i know that feeling ((onlyliveonce))

good for u for divorcing and getting out of that madness. that is no easy feat. i hope you give yourself a pat on the back, it takes guts to get out of the status quo and choose a better life for yourself (even if its very difficult at first)

yup, i too expected normal feelings and actions from x but once you realize there is just no sanity there, you are already on the other side of the bridge... treating x as a crazy person has helped me immensely

when i want revenge i think the following

- i am not god... perhaps in another life i was the alcoholic and made ex suffer horribly, and THIS is justice? who knows?

- an active addict is unable to feel love and is nowhere closer to feel real love, don't you think that is sad enough?

- something horrible already happened to my ex.. he lost me and my friendship.. he MADE SURE i no longer wanted anything to do with him. no one will ever replace a person like me.. honestly one day you will realize it was his loss

- take your part of this, why were you with an addict in the first place?? what can possibly be there for you? what can an ADDICT give? nothing. its not they are this wonderful person but dont want to be "that person" with you. this is it, this is all they have to give. there is no "evil".

you'll feel better, trust the process... as long as you don't break the no contact rule its all OK, GET IT OUT!

i used to write 1001 diff ways to torture ex, then burn the papers...also playing violent videogames, or exercising helps a lot

get it out of your system so it does not turn into an illness....
let us know how you are doing

[gerryP]

Onlyliveonce,

So sorry...

BIG HUGS and LOTS of them.