Seren

It was long ago placed as one of the links available in the "About Abuse" stickie

LightInside

Oh! Okay.

Mellybug

This was the life I lived...

Knowing the "me" that I had been before the relationship, I never would have believed I'd fall for this, but I did.

I finally broke free, and am happy. Not "Over the Moon" every moment of every day. I get lonely - but I'm truly alone in the house...not sitting next to someone who says they love me and promises to be a "partner. I have messes...that I made myself. My bills are being paid and I even have money left over to buy things for my own apartment.

I'm wounded...I fear closeness again, but only because I know I'm not healed enough within myself. When I am healed I believe I will no longer be afraid.

72abc

Thank you for your insights and honesty. I feel very low because the person I love distances himself from me. I take it so personally, and wonder what can I do to fix myself so he will value me? All the while, I don't have a clue how to value myself.

bringiton

This was amazing to read. I am so thrilled that I have found it, epecially today. I am printing it off to save forever. Part of me wants to show it to my AH but I dont really want to have to argue about it or try to justify it. I'm sure he would find many ways to find fault with it and turn it around on me. Instead it is now something that is important to me and will help me with my recovery. I am not crazy and its not all my fault. Now that I am able to recognize some of the patterns I am able to not take things personally or get as upset about them, most of the time...

Neeko123

My ex husband wasn't an alcoholic, but was emotionally abusive. This sounds like what I had been living with for 10 years and what I am recovering from. The question though is, how do you heal yourself from 10 years of someone telling you that everything was your fault and that you were never good enough. It really kills your self esteem. You can tell yourself, I KNOW that I am a good person and I have many great qualities, but it's programmed into you to always second guess, to walk on eggshells trying to figure out what's wrong or how can I fix something or who is going to be upset with me. I constantly overreact because I am still in this mode of, someone is going to be angry with me. There is nothing to worry about, but I always feel like there is. I can't get out of this survival mode. It's like he always needed me to be broken or at least feel like I was broken to feel good about himself. I was the scapegoat for everything wrong in his life.

How do I move past this?

SparkleKitty

Neeko, that's how I grew up. We were made to believe everything was our fault, and we were responsible for the constant, overwhelming anger in our house.

It wasn't until I got into intensive one-on-one therapy that I learned to tell the difference between what was mine and what wasn't. I could not do it on my own -- I needed the outside perspective of a trusted counselor. It was not easy, and it was not quick, but it was worth it.

horsegirl

Neeko, I am in the same position. 10 years with an emotionally unavailable dry drunk.
I am at 6 weeks no contact and am still wondering , "if had done this" "does he still love me" "can we work it out" ect... UGH! I am fighting through the hope he will change, but am starting to have some good days. I am having a hard time letting go. The "bread crumbs" he gave me when we were together became big to me, I can clearly remember them. I am still totally confused and feel crazy as I am having a hard time pinning down the "bad" stuff. The blame game and not accepting responsibility really too its toll on my reasonable thinking. I lost reality and hid my feelings towards the end as I was so afraid of being crushed once again. I feel totally crazy and am afraid I will never heal . My self esteem is in shambles , I have a hard time being content, and thoughts of him sting my heart. I am going to alanon , (learning a tone from my sponsor) , and am in individual counseling. I pray for releif to come , unfortunateyl it goignto take some time (at least thats what Im told) ..

LightInside

Hang in there, Horsegirl! I'm from the same place, I think. It sucks and it gets better, then worse, then better again, but you will heal. You are not alone!

martina12

Yep I'm in the same situation too..self esteem in tatters and feeling like when is this total nightmare ever going to end?

I'm also on no contact as I cant handle the pain....I feel I have been going through the worst thing in my life so far. I have recognised the abuse but also going through full blown grief at the loss of love and happiness and lost hopes and dreams. Meanwhile AH goes on holiday with agf which also adds to the pain!

We are in this together...

horsegirl

I too am grieving , I need to remember that. It is so crazy I do really love this man , he just does not have enough for me .

72abc

I grew up in alcoholic family. I have been involved with a drug abuser on and off for the past 3 years. I fell right into the pattern of rescuer. I have awareness but fell right into the pattern anyway. I deluded myself the whole time. Every negative thought I have about myself, this guy confirms that I am correct about all of the bad things I think about myself Do any of you have suggestions for how to regain a sense of self.

zee11

I read this and realised I was in this situation. It is a hard shock when you realise what you were subjected to, only when the effects come into play did I begin to consider am I in the wrong or is it him? I know it was him and he`s abuse, it`s a hard pill to swallow.

fluffyflea

When we finally get to the point in our lives where we really realize and BELIEVE and KNOW we are NOT victims that is Life changing

fluffyflea

Thanks for posting this........

Mango blast

Bump