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Old 08-09-2003, 11:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: Pacific NW.....
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Red face Why do they lie....... and sneak????

I'm having a hard time trying to understand why my Alcoholic husband has to lie and sneak all the time ...........He keeps denying that he has drinking problem...... so why does he have to lie and sneak around to drink?? I will find his beer stash in every possible place and empty beer cans hidden every where......... does he really think that I will not see them...... he has also taken my pain medication...... taken all of it.... ( just to get a buzz) and then he replaced the medication with some other drug........... when I confronted him about it...... he said...... oh I did that a long time ago...... whats the big deal.......
We can not keep any Alcohol in our house because he will drink it ....... sneak it...... until it's all gone!
I refuse to buy any alcohol.......... and I hate it when someone brings a bottle over....... he's just so sneaky and I hate it....... I do I deal with this....... the lies go on and on......... I know that there are many others out there that can give me some kind of advise!! Please........ what can I do???
HOw do I focus my energy else where??? and how can I keep this from eating me up??
Thanks for letting me vent!
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Old 08-10-2003, 12:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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(((((((Where do I start)))))))))))

Well, you have already started dear...You asked the question. You came here, and now you are aware you need more..

May I suggest looking for some Al-Anon meetings in your area,
getting Codependent No More, reading the posts at the beginning of this site....

Please remember the 3 C's

You didn't cause it
You can control it
you can't cure it...

Just like the A. obesses with their drink, we obsess with the drinker. What their doing, where they are hiding it, where they are getting it, ect.ect.ect the list of my behavior goes on and on unless I change, NOTHING changes...FOR me...

My first and best tool of defence against my obsession is the Serenity Prayer;

God grant me the sereninty to accecpt the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

I say it over and over to myself...

I go to an Al-Anon meeting or come here...I educate myself about the family disease of Alcoholism. I call my Al-Anon sponsor, I read the litature of Al-Anon. I grab hold of an Al-Anon slogan and repeat it over and over and try to think about how it applies to my thinking, my behavior, my life.

I go to the store for a loaf of bread I don't need (thankfully I have a freezer 'cause my first year in Al-Anon it was nearly full of bread).

WHATEVER it takes to stop my unhealthy behavior, thinking, and reacting to someone else's problem.

You are not alone unless you choose to be...Please come back and let me know how you are doing....

Love and prayers from one who cares
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One purpose of the Al-Anon program is to allow those we love to be themselves perfectly.

Last edited by Daffodil; 08-10-2003 at 01:04 AM.
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Old 08-10-2003, 05:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Daffodil is so wise...and right!

Knowing he lies and sneaks has done nothing but drive you crazy....it is not something you can do anything about.

Get your focus off of him in all the ways that Daffodil mentioned and remember he is not doing this to you. He has a problem separate from you.

Hugs,
JT
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Old 08-10-2003, 09:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks Daffodil and JT........ Thanks for the support!!...... it is driving me crazy....... I will try the coping skills you have given me...... sure nice to know that others understand....... because sometimes I think I'm going nuts
Thanks!!!!
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Old 08-10-2003, 11:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Why do they lie....... and sneak????

Quote:
Originally posted by wheredoIstart
I'm having a hard time trying to understand why my Alcoholic husband has to lie and sneak all the time ...........He keeps denying that he has drinking problem...... so why does he have to lie and sneak around to drink??
I ditto the advice you've gotten so far. Just wanted to add...

He denys he has a problem, because frankly, from his point of view the alcohol isn't causing him any problems. From his point of view, what is causing him problems is you. That's why he sneaks and lies. To avoid your anger.

The truth is the alcohol is a problem for you, not him. Since you are powerless over his drinking, you need to find a way to give yourself distance from the two of them (him and the booze). Whether it's leaving the room, or leaving the house, do what you have to in order to give yourself peace.

Your anger is natural ... it's a sign that you're tollerating something that deep down you hate. Be true to yourself. Make the necessary changes to your circumstances to make the anger go away.

Getting him to stop buying and drinking is not an option available to you.
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Old 08-10-2003, 12:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks so much for your input........ he does make it seem that it's my problem and NOT his........ it's just gone on for so long that I'm really beinging to hate him........ and what it's done to our life!
Thanks for your support!
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Old 08-11-2003, 07:47 AM   #7 (permalink)
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They lie and cheat to avoid you and there is nothing you can do about it. What you can do though is take care of you.

Ngaire
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