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Old 02-19-2009, 11:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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can you do a legal seperation and still be living together?

after talking to family i think i am going to have to let the apartment go until i have something holding him financially responsible first.

my brother says that the first thing i need to do is get a legal seperation although still living together until the house sells. that way it is in writing legally what he is responsible to pay and what i am responsible to pay.

is this even possible? the attorney at work is telling me no. i will ask another one, but just wondered if anyone had experience in this area?

ALSO WARNING FOR ALL- if your ah gets into a car accident while drunk and injures someone else - they can sue you and you can be held responsible!!!!!!!!

be careful everyone.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Go talk to a divorce attorney. Talking to us, friends, relatives, people who happen to be attorneys but don't specialize in family law may all give you incorrect information.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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What Barbara said.

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Old 02-19-2009, 11:27 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I can tell you that--in California--legal separation is exactly the same as divorce, with the exception that you cannot remarry. And that--in California--you don't have to live in separate residences, but you have to declare that you are "separated" as husband and wife.

None if this means didly squat to you, unless you are in California. Each state has it's own laws. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with a divorce attorney for free in an initial consultation. He answered all my questions and some I hadn't even thought of. The knowledge I gained in less than an hour empowered me to make some informed decisions that I could not have made otherwise. And, in the end, I didn't even end up needing to retain him for the divorce.

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Old 02-19-2009, 11:29 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I don't much about separation laws. I would check with an attorney.

I guess I would have to ask, though...why do you want to continue to live with him? Is it because of the money situation? Have you told him you want a separation? Is he willing to move out? Could you possibly stay with friends or family?

I'm just afraid that nothing is going to change if you stay there with him.



Sue
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Old 02-19-2009, 12:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I don't know for sure about the living together thing, but I do know this:

at least where I live and got my divorce (Washington State), legal separation was the best way to protect myself financially until the divorce was done and overwith. Otherwise, if he bought a car and stopped paying for it and we weren't legally separated, I would be responsible for the payments. And, as you stated, if he got in a DUI and killed somebody, they could come after me. But all that stops once papers are filed for legal separation. It's the best way I know to CYA (cover your a$$) until final agreements can be reached about division of property, parenting agreements, etc. In this situation, CYA is definitely in your best interest...........

Good luck!
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Old 02-19-2009, 12:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Wisconsin is also a 50-50 state and a legal separation is the same as a divorce except you cannot remarry. Also, you if your spouse's job provides you with health insurance they can stay on the policy. I believe you can live together if you choose to. It is wise to get a legal separation (here any way) so you are not liable for any debt the other person takes on.
I had a 2 hour consultation with a lawyer (I had lots of questions due to medical issues with our kids and possible inheritance). I can't afford her but got everything I needed to know and found out things I did not know (that made me a bit more than angry)--like he can have half of my retirement--not just from the point when we married but half of ALL of it. So the 12 years I worked before I married him-well he can have half of that too. I will get half of nothing from him.
Go talk to a lawyer. I did call our employee assistance program at work and got 1/2 an hour free and a 25% discount on legal fees. So maybe check out if the place you work has an EAP. Also, there are many legal service places--law students supervised by attorneys, that are very affordable.
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Old 02-19-2009, 01:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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In Minnesota, it's the opposite. Legally separated means you're still legally married.

Moral - Laws vary by state. Talk to an attorney in your state.
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Old 02-19-2009, 05:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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HA,

In North Carolina you can be separated and living in the same home. You cannot share the same bedroom and you cannot have an intimate physical relationship. I would check women's resources in your area. There are bound to be places where you can get legal advice and a better understanding of your options. Information is power!

Good luck and take care,

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Old 02-19-2009, 10:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hopeangel View Post
after talking to family i think i am going to have to let the apartment go until i have something holding him financially responsible first.

my brother says that the first thing i need to do is get a legal seperation although still living together until the house sells. that way it is in writing legally what he is responsible to pay and what i am responsible to pay.

is this even possible? the attorney at work is telling me no. i will ask another one, but just wondered if anyone had experience in this area?
Been there, done that. Hellish, but legal if he is a part owner of your house.

I know each state differs in their laws - I happen to live in Canada and faced a similar situation with my soon to be ex (non alcoholic, but emotional tyrant). First thing I did was get to my lawyer and find out it was legal-it was for him to live in our house as long as we co-owned it.

The trick was to be "living separate and apart" - the "apart" being not sharing a bed. He took over my loft and basically sponged off of me till he found another place and took his sweet time to sign an agreement after demanding stuff I had bought when he moved out previously.

The agreement released his interest in the house, gave him money he didn't deserve, but legally entitled to, but once those papers were signed, he was gone and was worth every penny to get him out of my life. It took three months and a lot of hell as the legal system works slow as molasses but when all of the papers were signed, it was my pleasure to shut the door behind him and ask for the keys to the house.

Check with several lawyers about this and see where you stand.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck with this.
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Old 02-20-2009, 09:27 AM   #11 (permalink)
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yes

i talked to an attorney and you can file for divorce while still living together.

he advised the same thing - that it would be best for me to stay in the house and protect my interest there.

there is light at the end of the tunnel and i feel my head coming out of the fog.

i have a meeting but will write more later.

thank you all!!!
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Old 02-20-2009, 10:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
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do what everyone else said and check your state. where i live you can not be "legally separated" there is no such thing. you can be actually separated, but it has no legal effect on anything. in the eyes of the law you are still married to that person whether you live with them, talk to them, whatever. the only way to be legally separated is to divorce.
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Old 02-20-2009, 10:51 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I didn't read what everyone wrote but, been numerous articles on this subject of late.

Fewer divorces in a bad economy - MSN Money


My ex an I stayed in the same house for a couple of months. We avoided each other as much as possible

By all means, make sure you know what and where all your financial responsiblities lie.
Divorce is tough in the best of times even worse now with the economy in the toilet
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Old 02-20-2009, 01:00 PM   #14 (permalink)
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captain

i saw the same thing. that less people are getting divorced because of the economy and not being able to afford it. i think the person on tv was advising though that if you are truly unhappy to go ahead and get out and pay for it later - can't put a price on happiness.

i learned my lesson about trying to use an attorney that i work with because obviously she didn't know what she was talking about. i took her word at face value and never pursued it.

apparently, you can file for a divorce while living in the same house and you don't even need the other person to agree to it. you will then be able to protect yourself from being responsible for their debt and encuring more on your own.

it is, in fact, smart- i think, to have everything legally in writing - who is responsible for what - before you move out. that way you will not get stuck paying for everything.
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Old 02-20-2009, 01:07 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Do you think that by "divorcing" him while continuing to live with him, do you think that will really change anything for you?

For some reason Obama's statement about lipstick on a pig comes to mind.

I mean it's a good step, don't get me wrong, but as is stated here 300-400 times a week, "nothing changes if nothing changes"

Can you look into that "divorced from bed and board" eviction notice aspect and see if you can effect some real change?

Of course that's assuming that's what you really want and have the resolve to carry out.
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Old 02-20-2009, 01:14 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Knowledge is power. Separating your finances is a very smart move.

If you haven't read it, I would encourage you to check out the sticky:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-partners.html (DV and Chemically involved partners)

I know you said you do not fear him, but from what you've posted he sounds dangerous. And many times, once the codependent starts changing the status quo, the alcoholic or addict can turn violent. He may not, but it wouldn't hurt to read about it and prepare just in case. Hopefully, you will just be more knowledgable and not have to use that knowledge.

Oh, there are other ones up there involving abuse, and some over in the stickies on F&F of Substance Abusers, too.

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