SadInTX

I had a really bad night...I won tickets to a concert so my AH and I went. He drank before we left, brought a drink in the car (I was not happy about this). He was becoming the annoying drunk. Right as the concert was starting he went to go get another drink...he never returned. I thought he went to get closer to stage (I didn't want to sneak to other seats, wanted to sit where we were assigned). I text him that i would meet him at the car. He never showed up. His brother text me then called...he was in jail for public intox. I told his brother I couldn't get him out of jail this time. He got a DUI back in May. When I got home my AH called me from jail...no apology...some story that he was heading to the car and a fight between two girls started and he happen to be there. He said, "are you going to get me out of jail or what?" I said, "I am not sure..." he said, "10 4" and hung up. He showed up at the house around 2 am. His brother bailed him out. He started saying to me "you are not a wife"..." he wanted to know how I could justify my actions (really?). I said, "You left me at the concert by myself, that is not safe" he said he was attacked by three men...now the story is different. He said he was giving me an eviction notice....I need to get my stuff out and get the $##@ out of his life. He then got in his car and left. He hasn't come home.
So, I just need some encouragement today. I am exhausted, mentally and physically. My boys are with their dad for the next two weeks so this is a good time to pack and move. (the house is in his name). I have been hoping and praying things would be different with him. I hoped the DWI would have been his wake up call...it wasn't. I know leaving is the right thing to do, but it is still hard when I still love him...but I think I love the man I thought he was when I first met him...before the drinking...this is really who he is....an lying alcoholic that is in denial. And he puts all the blame on me...that is what really make me upset... I have looked at apartments and houses to rent before so now I will actually sign something so I can move. Thanks for reading..

Hopeless1978

Get away from him! You don't deserve that! No way! Wow. HE leaves YOU at the concert and then tries to push blame on "YOU"? Nope. Move on! You can do MUCH better than him! What a jerk!!!

knowthetriggers

Hey Sad - sorry you experienced that, but honestly not surprised he behaved that way.

I hope you are serious about moving out and leaving him. It does not sound like you are safe there at all.

((((HUGS)))))

amy55

Hey Tx, I remember that you were looking for a place to rent.

Is it possible that you can call the DV shelter and stay there while you look for a place. Your boys are away for 2 weeks. Rent a storage unit if you have to, they aren't that expensive.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, just remember you have a world of friends right here on SR, and we care about you.

How are you doing and how are you holding up? I guess you didn't get much sleep last night. Are you working today? or are you at home?

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

redatlanta

I encourage you to move as fast as you can. Like today. Your AH has a history of physical abuse with you. Things are tense. This is not a good scenario. I feel that his need to be right and to prove you an unfit wife is paramount to his alcoholic, demented brain. If you can't actually move please go stay with friends or family, or a hotel for the time being. He is hot under the collar. Nothing good can come out of this situation right now.

This ^^^ is what's most important right now. Other decisions about your future can be decided at a later time. Please do not be coerced into returning to the home or meeting him "for a talk".

Take care of yourself and don't slip into codependent thinking that he may change no matter what he says. You now have all the knowledge you need of whom you are married to and its time to take care of you and your two precious children and leave the abusive alkie to his own devices.

God bless and I have you in my prayers.

aasharon90

Addiction for me was a sickness, illness
within my heart, mind and soul. As long
as I remained in my addiction to alcohol
I remain sick in all areas of my life and yes
it did absolutely affect all those around me.

My family intervened on me getting me
help I so desperately needed because I
was that sick and didn't realize it.

It took doctors and those with addiction
knowledge to tell me how sick I truly was
and the only way to get healthy was to
learn about my addiction, its affects on me
and those effected by it.

Sometimes the damage of addiction has
already been done and the only way out
of it is to make amends and turn our lives
around using an effective program of recovery
to incorporate in all areas of our lives.

Thank you so much for sharing with us
here so that other members can see what
life is like living with someone ill with
addiction thru your eyes.

In my case I did enter recovery in 1990
and have been living a recovery life for
24yrs now. However, my 25 yr marriage
ended several or so yrs ago because of the
lack of understanding and communication
that needed to be learned thru out our
little family.

I was the only one sick with addiction
and got into recovery which eventually
left the remaining 3 family members
scratching their heads as to wonder
what happened to our family unit.

We couldn't have remain as one family
united in understanding unless everyone
got into some sort of recovery program
suited for members of the family living
with a sick person with an addiction and
living in recovery.

Im glad you know exactly what you
need to do to take care of urself and
to live a healthy happy life for you
and your children.

Stay strong..!!!

iGirl66

I very sad that you are in this place. But I am happy that you see it for what it is and are making positive moves. We always hope that the DUI/accident/ job loss or whatever is going to be the grand wake up call but it never is. We can only save ourselves. You are all in my prayers.

healthyagain

So sorry you have to go through this. Sending prayers. It is time for you to start making plans, if not already, and start packing. Moving out is not such a bad thing after all. Now you know who he really is. They said many times on this board, "once people show you who they really are, believe them."

But I do hope you find the inner strength and leave asap. This guy is not worth your love.

hopeful4

I am so very sorry. I remember many times thinking that surely this or that would be my X's "bottom." It never was. Sadly, some of them don't even have a bottom.

You deserve more. While it will take some time to heal, you will heal, and you will live a better life without the constant chaos he is bringing to you.

Tight, very tight, hugs to you.

ladyscribbler

I got stuck in that kind of thinking too. Please be very careful right now. Get as much stuff packed and off the premises as you possibly can. If there's something you really, really want, get it the first trip. My ex husband (not an A) put all of my stuff in a storage locker then without warning quit paying the rent so everything I didn't take with me got auctioned off or thrown away. Don't count on him keeping anything for you or allowing you back once you leave.
Sending strength your way. Take care.

SparkleKitty

Lots of good suggestions here, SiT, especially about calling the DV folks and acting quickly.

Sending all the hugs and strength and courage I got your way today, Sad.

Hawkeye13

This is what often happens
Get out right away, take the essentials, and stay safe.
Don't let him entice you back, as others have said, to "talk".

Seems like the writing is on the wall Sad--please heed the message.
You've given him every chance--give yourself the same.

SadInTX

Yes, I made to work but honestly I am not good. I sit in a corner away from people and my boss is traveling this week so I will be okay. I packed a few bags of clothes and things I need for the next few days. I will stay at a hotel for the next three nights and then go from there. I don't have any family here and I have been isolated from my friends for a while, but I am in contact with a high school friend and she is aware of everything that has been going on. There is Al Anon meeting tonight that I have always wanted to go to but I may be too emotional for that just yet. I just feel like my world has just been turned upside down, but deep down it's been like this for 6 months...thank you for your support.

hopeful4

I think you should try a meeting. It will be emotional, but you can also expect a huge amount of support from people who understand, which is a great thing. You know, I isolated from my friends too. I went to them when I actually realized what I had done to myself during that isolation, and was very open and honest with them. They all embraced me with open arms, and are a great source of support.

Tight hugs to you, we are here with you, and will walk this with you!

SparkleKitty

If you are feeling very emotional, it may be that an Al-Anon meeting is the BEST place for you to be tonight.

Wisconsin

I cried (ugly cried, too!) through the entirety of my first three Al Anon meetings. ((HUGS))

You will find comfort and support there, and it will be the beginning of ending your self-isolation.

Refiner

I agree with others, he is dangerous and you need to move fast! Is there somewhere else you can stay until you can move into an apartment? Even if you sign something today, it may be another month or two before they could get you in. What about one of those "suites inn" types place that have weekly rates just to get you away from him? He's a lying idiot. I'm pretty sure he probably made a drunken scene INSIDE (concert venues rarely re-admit people if they leave to go to their car). And what was he going to the car for? He's a jackass. I hope this will get your exit plan in motion. Sorry you have to go through all this.

firebolt

I'm so sorry Sad. SO STRESSFUL! Once you are out and settled into a new place, your life will be so calm and peaceful you won't know what to do with yourself HUGS to you and the kiddos.

Oh and even if you have isolated from local friends, you may be surprised how open they are to helping you at this time - and even more surprised by how many of them may have been through this. Please reach out - take all the help you can get!!!

dandylion

Sad......please listen to Refiner.
And, all those who are urging an Alanon meeting, tonight.

It makes sense to go toward helpful and understanding people, right now.
The more support---the more resources you will have access to.

Remember that you can have a dv worker on the phone with you at any second (day or night) that you feel the need for some support or help finding some place safe to stay.....

dandylion

changeneeded

(I haven't read other responses, so apology if it's a repeat.

I'm sorry that first, the tickets you won were spent sitting alone. I hope, at least, you enjoyed some of the music. I'm also sorry that you are exhausted from all of the turmoil that an A can provide.

You are right that it's a good thing the kids are away so that you can deal with this on your own, think about and decide what to do, without the interruption . For me those times were hard because I'd have to fake happiness and patience when the kids were around. Didn't want to take it out on them.

This is a difficult time, but is it a difficult choice? By that I mean, it might be difficult to follow through, but how would you want a sister or friend to proceed?

These are the questions I've been trying to ask myself.