The death of "the dream"

[denny57]

Originally Posted by Franticwife

Sometimes I WISH he would hit me, so I would have one final, definite reason to leave!

By the time that happens, you might be surprised the excuses you'd make. The sicker xAH got, so did I. I don't say this to urge you to get out, but just as a share of my experience. For example, shove you, shove you up against the wall, shove you so you fall down, take a fist to you, smack your face, etc. What constitutes a "hit?" Sounds bizarre, doesn't it?

[Franticwife]

Does sound bizarre, but I understand what you are saying. I just hope when the time comes I have the courage to see things for what they really are.

[inahaze]

I've lived with my dream for almost 13yrs. We dated for a year, it was awesome, that's the best word that comes to mind. Literally the day we arrived home from our honeymoon the hate started, but he always apologized. I always believed him.

I think now I stay because at times I can see that person and he's not nearly as bad as he used to be. I can't let myself be the way I used to be with him because he's not all of the person that was sold to me in the dating phase.

We split up for several months one time, it was such a relief to be free. A freedom I'd never known. I paniced though a few months into it, and went back......Only to leave again and come back again and leave again and yes come back again...

I think I should of had a funeral as well, it probably would of helped tremendously.

[Janitw]

Personally I liked the book that a friend gave me 3 years ago called: "How to get rid of him". I loaned the book out and who knows where it is today....shoot I can't even remember who wrote it...

[TakingCharge999]

There is no victimizer without the victim
I have learned that.

I am very sad for my loss of the dream but I also like to think that when he gets home drunk as hell, I am not there to listen his hurtful words.

There may be other girls. Not me anymore. I sincerely do not wish this hell of alcoholic verbal abuser/ daytime charming prince to ANYONE.

Cheers to all the ex codies for regaining their power, you are my example.

[lovtolaff]

I am very sad for my loss of the dream but I also like to think that when he gets home drunk as hell, I am not there to listen his hurtful words.

Oh Amen Sister! No hurtful words, no looks of disgust, no snippy a$$ attitude - you know the drill.

You know what works for me sometimes? As soon as I get that "melancholy" feeling of "oh remember when...." (usually a thought of his "sweet" side) I follow that thought immediately with "yeah but, remember when...." (always a thought about his a$$hole/hurtful side).

[prodigal]

Originally Posted by Franticwife

I just hope when the time comes I have the courage to see things for what they really are.

You can start on the path to seeing things for what they really are by getting into counseling and giving Al-Anon a try. Start learning about yourself first.

I believe I phrased it differently by using the word "bravery," but "courage" will work as a substitute in this particular case:

Courage is NOT the absence of fear; it is doing what is right and best for you IN SPITE of your fear.

It's possible you do see things the way they really are right now, but you don't have the necessary tools yet to assess the situation and then take the appropriate action.

I hope you begin your journey to take those steps. And if you ever decide to leave, it will be in spite of your fear ...

[bluejupiter]

I'm in pretty much the same boat with my EXABF. He immediately went to another woman which makes it even harder, but I keep telling my myself she can have him and all his drama, I know he doesn't love her and is just using her. I know how impossible he is to be with. But man, its tough to let go of that dream...