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[Ago]

Originally Posted by Lilyflower

People on this forum are dealing with their own areas of issues, quite often that includes whether or not to leave a unhealthy relationship, and sometimes we go back and forth in our minds and hearts before we make a decision that feels right for our long term. Please do not use your anger and direct it at the issues we face here. It is unfair to us.

If anyone was hurt by what I wrote, I sincerely apologize, I wrote "you" euphemistically and was drawing from my own experience, a relationship I was in when I first got sober 16 years ago, then this one.

However, truly, My most heartfelt apologies, it wasn't meant to target anyone, it was meant to state my heartbreak, indignation, outrage and frustration etc.

[Learning how]

Ago, So much going on for you.

I hope all is well with the baby.

Do take care, sounds like so much of this is out of your control.
Sending you thoughts of peace.

[Freedom1990]

All I can say is dig your teeth into your recovery like you've never done before.

I never ever would have made it through pregnancy/birth in recovery without recovery and all my wonderful friends who supported me through it.

I'd also like to add that I started spotting/bleeding early on, and when an ultrasound didn't really reveal much, my doctor said it just might be a miscarriage in the works.

I was devastated, but plunged into my program that much harder.

That baby is now a 20 year old woman.

[Ago]

First, I have calmed down quite a bit, and I would like to reiterate my apology for my rant, I was just on complete overwhelm and I just "lost it" and needed a place to do so and it was a bit late to be calling my sponsor/friends and it felt "safe" to do so here, if my words made anyone else feel "unsafe" I am truly sorry, it wasn't meant to, but I'd like this to be a safe place for everyone, so I will do my part to keep it so.

second, yes, program, both hands, like a dying man, meetings every day, burning up hours on the phone, working with a sponsor, talking to newcomers, yes. I am doing this.

Third, she lost the baby.

I called her today, told her about my /rant, we had a good talk, but she told me that she lost the baby last night.

I am devastated by this news, I'm very very sad...I lost my baby...I'm heartbroken.

tough week.

[Freedom1990]

I'm sorry, Ago. :ghug

[Lilyflower]

My deepest sympathy to you and her Ago.

Much love and hugs to you,



Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[denny57]

Originally Posted by Ago

I have to admit, I am always amused at what people pull out of posts, there will be 30 responses, and 30 different points of view.

I often "amused" the alcoholic in my life. It was his way of putting me in my place. This sentence takes me back there.

Actually, on the "alcoholism" forum, we talk strictly, Or I talk strictly about sobriety

I don't know what to do anymore....I really try to be "sober" (that word to me means have integrity, honesty, be open minded, be of service etc.) and feel like ....I'm just tired....I'm tired of being slapped down, tired of being sandbagged, tired of being "yelled at"

That's why I asked you about posting on the other board - feedback on sobriety. Cutting crotches out of pants has nothing to do with sobriety, though I agree humor helps a lot.

[Ago]

that's enough Denny, this post isn't about my sobriety, it's about my relationship and having/losing my baby, it's not "about you" either.

Please stop.

please.

[Kimmieh]

I hope you can find some peace and quiet soon. Take care of yourself and my sympathies to her also.

[sunflowerintx]

Originally Posted by Ago

You know, sometimes I wonder....this is strictly the alcoholic speaking, but it's like, if you hate us so much, why do you stay with us and try to grind us into mush even after we step up, or even after we leave you, track us down, drag us back into the relationship just to make us miserable some more??????

is it you WANT from us ???????

Ago, this has given me food for thought. Thank you for posting this.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

[Learning how]

I am so sorry for your loss.
Please take care.

[Stubborn1]

Ago, just speaking as a woman it's easy to fake a pregnancy. I hope she didn't do that to you. I hope you keep working on your recovery and out of this toxic relationship. Best of luck Ago.

[Rainbowsend]

So sorry this has happened.

As for her being ticked off by your posts what struck me was the positivity of your comments about this woman in your 1st post, could she not see that?

[Ago]

Originally Posted by Rainbowsend

So sorry this has happened.

As for her being ticked off by your posts what struck me was the positivity of your comments about this woman in your 1st post, could she not see that?

I don't know, I can only speak for me, and if there was a post with 99 "good" things about me and one "bad" thing, I have to say, the "bad" thing is the one I would hear the loudest, but you are right, I went and read the first post and I did say a ton of nice things about her, and that's when we were "broken up", maybe she will go back and read that...IDK, thank you for bringing that to my attention, I was beating myself up pretty bad.

[Ago]

Originally Posted by Stubborn1

Ago, just speaking as a woman it's easy to fake a pregnancy. I hope she didn't do that to you. I hope you keep working on your recovery and out of this toxic relationship. Best of luck Ago.

Thank you for your support

This post really made me think.

Just because I got angry, and threw a tizzy, doesn't make me "right". It doesn't make me wrong, but I aint necessarily "right" either.

I'm just someone who lost his temper during a very stressful time.

This woman got upset because she read an upsetting thing that was written about her.

Doesn't make HER right...or wrong for that matter.

It makes her a woman who read something upsetting and got upset.

We both had a part in this.

it makes us two people that got upset with each other during a very stressful time.

For me, someone doesn't have to be "wrong" just because someone else is "right", I'm right about what I got upset about, she's "right" about what she got upset about, that's why the first response after the /rant was, wow maybe you both need some time to cool off.

Anyway, just because there is "conflict" in a relationship, for me, it's not automatically "toxic".

I don't know what will come from this one, but, today, I'm trying not to blame, especially someone who just lost her baby too.

I'm not blaming me, nor her for events in our past, this doesn't mean I'm not stepping up and taking responsibility and forgiving both of us, but for me today, finger pointing and "blame are "out".

If I "blame and fingerpoint, I stop taking personal responsibility for my actions.

and, yes, she lost the baby, it was not a fake pregnancy.

She is in fact a very beautiful, elegant, intelligent, well educated woman, she is a wonderful mother, a good home maker, a very intelligent and incredible well respected employee in her field, she just happens to have character defects that match mine, that together, bring out the worst in both of us.

She also makes my eyeballs absolutely spin in my head on occasion. (that's a joke)

I really have no idea what the future holds....I'm ambivalent, which means I have strong feelings on both sides of the issue.

However, She is a child of God who is doing the best she can, with what she has, just like all of us here.

Anyhow, by no means am I aiming any of this at you, yours was just the post that got me thinking along these lines, thank you again for jiggling the handle on my brain.

[Ago]

oh well....

hmmm......


such drama......

well, it's over, I just got an email where she stated she's been out drinking for the last two days (because of me) and since she is such a "liar" that she's feels it's a good idea to go sleep with someone since being an alcoholic goes with sex addict goes with pathological liar(paraphrased-her words)

take care guys, she's now reading everything I write, I should probably go...thank you for all your support and help, it was invaluable, and I learned a ton, including SHHHHH!! Think it over before inviting a friend to the forums. Telling others about this site can destroy your ability to speak freely here!.

Thing is, I was completely blindsided by her email, we talked a few times today, I told her what I posted and why, she told me she was in the shower when i tried to call last night at 930 and 10, now she admits she was drinking last night, that was well before my /rant although she now says that's why she drank, we spoke, everything seemed cool, we talked at 430, I just woke up, told her I'd call back in a bit, tried a few times during the course of the afternoon/night...no answer...but wasn't really tripping, was a little worried because when she doesn't answer the phone for two nights in a row usually means something is going on, but hoped for the best and figured she'd call me.

anyway...whatever...

I'm such a F'ing idiot...I really am.

thank you again.

Take care guys

[bookwyrm]

I'm so sorry.

[YellowRed]

Ago, so sorry to read this thread - man, what a rollercoaster. So sorry to hear your news about the miscarriage - it's hard to come to term with. had one myself many years ago so you have my sympathies. Sorry you had to learn the hard way about keeping your thoughts private! Hope you manage to continue working your program - might still be stuff to read here even if you're not comfortable posting. I really hope things work out for you - you sound like you've learned a lot about yourself on this journey. Gonna miss you. Take it easy.

[felicidade]

Yes, Ago, I will miss you too. I am very sorry. Good luck.

[GiveLove]

Ago,

You're not an idiot. You're just a man who's locked into an angry, conflict-ridden relationship that you can't seem to extract yourself from. I wish you all the luck in the world finding your sanity, and encourage you to renew your efforts to separate yourself from this damaging interplay you have.

There is happiness out there for you if you can just climb out of this hole first.

Sending you a big dose of clarity and strength.

GL

[Learning how]

Ago, I am sorry you have to go, I will miss "seeing" you here. Take care