End of the road?

[westofcrazy32]

Question?

My alcoholic bf has had a slip up tonight. The last one was six months ago. My fear is that these "slip ups" will become permant mistakes. I ahve already laid the gaunlet down and declared that if he drinks I'm out. I have already emotionally began to remove myself from him and his life. The trouble is that we are moving into a house in less then a week. I have no where to go if I leave...and can't afford this place if he leaves. I have came up with the idea just to be roommates for now. He is too drunk to discuss this idea, but like it or not, it is the best option I have. We have been together five years. I hurts to walk away, but I am a stickler for trust and honesty...things he has trouble with as of late. I am not sure if I'm being too hard on him, or if he is using me as an excuse to drink...which is it? Do he deserve a second chance...again? Right now, I just want peace and stability in my life...is that wrong? Am I being too cold and rigid over his slip up? HELP!!!

[freeflower]

If your fearing how you will feel down the road with him, you may have to really make some decisions on how you want your life to end up. If you decide to marry and say have some children, you could end up staying because it will be too hard to try to leave then. You don't want years of your life to pass you by, especially when you already have red flags about this. And let me tell you, time does fly by. You are young, I would try to keep in mind "no regrets". Keep reading here and see how many of us wish our intuition had kicked in sooner and we had some years back to live free and at peace. Good luck and remember, you haven't signed any binding documents ..............

[LivingInMyHead]

I agree with freeflower. If you are having reservations about your relationship now - listen to your gut. It may be painful to leave now but it will be even more difficult later.

[Barbara52]

Originally Posted by westofcrazy32

My alcoholic bf has had a slip up tonight. The last one was six months ago. My fear is that these "slip ups" will become permant mistakes. I ahve already laid the gaunlet down and declared that if he drinks I'm out.

So are you going to stick to your boundary or not?

Originally Posted by westofcrazy32

The trouble is that we are moving into a house in less then a week.

Are you buying it or renting it? If its a rental, you can probably change your mind. If you are buying it, well, it may cost you more but you can also probably get out of it. I would consider carefully whether you want to continue down this path. Is it the right path for you?

Originally Posted by westofcrazy32

I am not sure if I'm being too hard on him, or if he is using me as an excuse to drink...which is it? Do he deserve a second chance...again? Right now, I just want peace and stability in my life...is that wrong? Am I being too cold and rigid over his slip up? HELP!!!

How many "second" chances do you want to give him? Is this the kind of life you want for yourself? What are you getting out of this relationship that makes you want to continue it?

You have a right to peace and stability in your life. You deserve to have a relationship with an equal who treats you with respect.

[Bernadette]

Heya westofcrazy--
Seems like you have an opportunity to do the rational thing that you had planned right now- if he drinks you're out. Well he drinks so....?

Whenever someone says "there is nowhere else for me to go" it is usually just fear speaking those words because we are afraid to take on the HUGE hassle and effort and WORK of finding an alternative solution. It IS hard. But it is in challenging ourselves to make the true best decision for ourselves that we grow spiritually.

You don't HAVE to do anything.
What do you truly WANT to do? Not a fantasy wish like "well what I truly want is for this guy I love to stop drinking and we can live happily ever after!" You have to take him out of the equation. He is actively drinking. Alcoholism is progressive - it only gets worse until he finds true sobriety/recovery. It sounds like he still has some drinking left to do. How long are you gonna allow yourself and your precious heart to suffer?

You are free in this moment.

Peace,
B.

[lexusgirl]

Originally Posted by westofcrazy32

Question?

My alcoholic bf has had a slip up tonight. The last one was six months ago. My fear is that these "slip ups" will become permant mistakes. I ahve already laid the gaunlet down and declared that if he drinks I'm out. I have already emotionally began to remove myself from him and his life. The trouble is that we are moving into a house in less then a week. I have no where to go if I leave...and can't afford this place if he leaves. I have came up with the idea just to be roommates for now. He is too drunk to discuss this idea, but like it or not, it is the best option I have. We have been together five years. I hurts to walk away, but I am a stickler for trust and honesty...things he has trouble with as of late. I am not sure if I'm being too hard on him, or if he is using me as an excuse to drink...which is it? Do he deserve a second chance...again? Right now, I just want peace and stability in my life...is that wrong? Am I being too cold and rigid over his slip up? HELP!!!

This sounds a little like my dilemma last fall. A week before xabf and I were going to move in together, he started drinking more often. My gut said "don't do it" but my heart was saying I really want to move into this nice house and all that it had to offer and eventually he won't continue to drink. It was too late at that point legally as we already signed a lease together.

Still to this day I keep wishing I would have never moved in with him and kept my apartment. Fast forward to today, eight months later, I just moved out of the house we shared, broke the lease as I couldn't handle his drinking, broke up with him, and moved back into another apartment.

Wow! I could have saved myself so much hassle and hurt had I just went with my gut. But, at least I can say I tried, and had I have not, I would have always wondered if I did the right thing. Kwim?

I guess I could say I learned the hard way. The drinking never gets better, it only gets worse.