An SR Challenge - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

FormerDoormat · 03-27-2008, 03:25 PM

How many folks here think they can go one week without talking about the drinker in their life--not even mentioning their names? Anybody here want to take the challenge? I figure it just might generate some useful recovery threads. Either that, or the forum will be a ghost town.

Astro · 03-27-2008, 03:46 PM

Oh wait a minute, I was the drinker!

kermit · 03-27-2008, 03:49 PM

I will give it a try

Pick-a-name · 03-27-2008, 03:52 PM

I am sure it will be an eye-opener for me!

embraced2000 · 03-27-2008, 04:18 PM

hey, finally......a challenge i can win! cause ya see.....it's all about me now! instead of the other way around.

MsGolightly · 03-27-2008, 04:38 PM

this idea made me grin from ear to ear... i'm in! i can't wait to see what everyone discusses instead!

Barbara52 · 03-27-2008, 04:55 PM

I like the idea in theory. I really do.

Unfortunately, I know that there are gong to be many folks coming in here seeking help/advice/support and the only way I will be able to relate fully will be to mention what my AH did and how I reacted as a means of helping them understand how they can help themselves. To stop talking about my AH altogether, to expect especially new folks to not talk about their particular A defeats the purpose of this forum as I see it.

grateful2b · 03-27-2008, 04:59 PM

ooooh , how timely..love this ...I'm in..........
ok, so , I just found a new place to live...got sads and was worried about finding a bright sunny place that was really quiet...got my Law of Attraction ducks in a row and first call..I found a place in a turret with tons of sun, super quiet building with four huge windows and a fireplace...I'm so excited and relieved..Its a little smaller than I'm used to so off to Ikea for some wicker storage.

MsGolightly · 03-27-2008, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbara52

I like the idea in theory. I really do.

Unfortunately, I know that there are gong to be many folks coming in here seeking help/advice/support and the only way I will be able to relate fully will be to mention what my AH did and how I reacted as a means of helping them understand how they can help themselves. To stop talking about my AH altogether, to expect especially new folks to not talk about their particular A defeats the purpose of this forum as I see it.

i view it differently. we don't necessarily have to talk about our exes... often the constant reminders and talking about them repeatedly is what keeps them in our minds. i think the idea was more to talk about ourselves and what we've done to learn, move on, etc., rather than always keeping the focus on them. i think it would be great for newbies here to see that it can be done!

NYC_Chick · 03-27-2008, 05:57 PM

I'll take it. After the day I had yesterday a mental break from the A sounds pretty good to me : )

grateful2b · 03-27-2008, 05:58 PM

actually, that was my take too...yes, agree with you, Msgolightly.....
I see it as a challenge and a relief to talk about our recovery without that constant need to refer to the A....

prodigal · 03-27-2008, 07:30 PM

I have found that posts in the past that have dealt with US, our interests, our children, our activities, jobs, etc. have proven to be a positive experience for me. We had one topic I particularly remember in which people talked about their hobbies and their careers. The people on this forum became more real for me. We have people here with diverse and fascinating backgrounds.

I'm all for it. Great idea, FD.

**best** · 03-27-2008, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FormerDoormat

Either that, or the forum will be a ghost town.

*LOL*

Only time I talk about ..them... is when I need help, support, or answers for me.
There are times that maybe I should talk about...them... but I hold it inside instead and that isn't good either.

Maybe I should start a thread....

The All About "ME" thread
and that would help me keep the focus in the right place.

***cmc*** · 03-27-2008, 10:40 PM

Is this like that game we play at baby showers where if you say 'baby' somebody takes your token safety pin?

I'm in.
Please let me know if I slip though!

here goes: my ESH without mentioning ____ or _____ or _______.
My recovery has helped me to handle problems ranging from a hangnail to a full blown life & death crisis much better. When life becomes difficult I am more likely to see it in the light of recovery, except that there are times when I fail to apply what I know. When that happens I tend to be critical of myself and then I have to stop that nonsense and say..."WTG girl you are improving."
Lately I'm not having too many problems with my old negative behaviors but I would like to see some more positive actions take place in my life and change the things I can.
Whew... thanks for letting me share.

kermit · 03-27-2008, 11:09 PM

Wow so I just realized I already blew it, with out even thinking about it I staryed talking about him with a friend

LucyA · 03-28-2008, 02:08 AM

I just know I can't do it, not this week anyway theres too much going on that involves him at the moment. I have done it in the past though, at one time every conversation I had with anyone, they'd bring it up, ask how he was, how he was doing etc. Used to do my head in, so I made myself become more assertive and refused point blank to discuss him in any way. I can see the value of this thread because I felt stronger in myself when I felt able to keep conversations brother free.
There will be lots of people who can't do it, and thats ok because I agree with Barbara too, isn't talking about them how most of us begin to help ourselves?

Soconfused11 · 03-28-2008, 06:02 AM

Quote:

There will be lots of people who can't do it, and thats ok because I agree with Barbara too, isn't talking about them how most of us begin to help ourselves?

For me, yes it was. I think that it would be difficult for me at this time to not talk about my abf. When I originally started my recovery, 2 years ago, my posts were all about him. And I was so thankful at that time for the support, people that had been through the same things and were further ahead in their recovery than I was. I mean, everyone seems to be at different stages of their own recovery here, and maybe for those a little bit further ahead, it would be easier to not talk about their SO.

Kindeyes · 03-28-2008, 07:32 AM

I love the threads about Alanon literature. I try to take the things I have learned and apply them to my everyday life. I feel good about myself when I do that and I refer to the principals of recovery everyday. It's amazing how I will extend those codependent behaviors beyond the A in my life and how the principals of recovery apply well beyond their initial application.

I think that because people are in such different stages of their own recovery they have different needs. Perhaps those who are further in their recovery can share posts that deal with the everyday use and application of recovery.

I think this is a great idea to diverify the post topics!

***Rella927*** · 03-28-2008, 07:59 AM

One week starting yesterday so that makes it down to 6 days FD?

I will give it a go-(Pssssst I want to be like CMC when I grow up as the post was a great example!)

FormerDoormat · 03-28-2008, 08:47 AM

Quote:

i think the idea was more to talk about ourselves and what we've done to learn, move on

This is exactly the idea I had in mind. Perhaps a good place to start may be to have folks find some of their favorite recovery threads, bump them back to the top, and then tell us what they learned from the highlighted thread. Another idea would be to take a topic that you've particularly struggling with, like self-esteem, do some internet research on it (a la Minnie style) and present your findings and links to the info in a new thread.

I also like Prodie's idea for a thread that focuses on our interests, etc., so we can get to know each other better and appreciate our differences. Note to Prodie: Notice the short paragraphs. They're for you, kid!

justjo · 03-30-2008, 01:10 AM

Mmmm, yep, I think I can do that. I go into the Cafe Central Forum everyday as it takes my mind off things. Can have some good fun in there, games, chatting etc.

Miss Pink · 03-30-2008, 09:15 AM

alcoholic??

Does that include the hot guy I met last night at an AA meeting....?

Shoot

justjo · 04-06-2008, 12:32 AM

Nope, nope, nope, I didnt do it! Sorry, my as rang my mum on her birthday and abused her, so no, it was all talk about her again.

mushroom · 04-06-2008, 09:53 AM

Ya know, when you're in the thick of the chaos and insanity, it's hard not to talk about the A! and it's cathartic in the beginning stages to talk about the A and what live with an A is like - it validates the insanity and craziness. So I think it's a necessary early stage of development, like for babies, putting everything in their mouths, or for teenagers, flirting with everyone in sight.

But you do grow out of it! Why I almost never talk about HIM anymore, except a casual mention in conversation every now and then of something we used to do together or something he once told me, you know, the kind of conversation any normal person would have about someone in their past. Nothing negative. Only the negative stuff when someone else is struggling with a similar issue in their own lives, and then it's to validate their own experience and show them that it's not just them, and it's not just that lousy no-good so-and-so, it's Alcoholism.

So I've been out for 3 years now, and divorced for 2, and I go weeks without talking about HIM! Sometimes someone asks how he's doing, and I shrug and say I don't know, it's not my business anymore.

really_fed_up · 04-06-2008, 01:10 PM

I'll take the challenge! So here are some questions I'd really like to know:

anyone read any good books, listened to any good music, or seen any good movies lately?

What I've been reading lately:

The Haunting of Hill House: Shirley Jackson (a CLASSIC that I read at least once a year)
Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race & Inheritance, Barack Obama

Listening to:
albums galore!

Watching:
Just watched a great documentary about the history of the classic arcade game Donkey Kong: The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters Very entertaining--Netflix it!

03-27-2008, 03:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
FormerDoormat Wipe your paws elsewhere! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Puppy Heaven Posts: 3,115	An SR Challenge How many folks here think they can go one week without talking about the drinker in their life--not even mentioning their names? Anybody here want to take the challenge? I figure it just might generate some useful recovery threads. Either that, or the forum will be a ghost town. __________________ "Get busy living or get busy dying." --Shawshank Redemption "Do I want to live while I'm alive and embrace what sustains me or do I want to die while I'm alive and embrace what destroys me?--Geneen Roth "The bare minimum my partner needs to give me is 100%."--Wpgwoman

03-27-2008, 03:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
Astro Codaholic Alcodependant Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Phoenix, AZ, in a home filled with love Posts: 6,423	Oh wait a minute, I was the drinker! __________________ They said there'll be snow at Christmas They said there'll be peace on Earth Hallelujah Noel be it Heaven or Hell The Christmas you get you deserve.

03-27-2008, 04:18 PM	#5 (permalink)
embraced2000 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: southern indiana Posts: 1,749	hey, finally......a challenge i can win! cause ya see.....it's all about me now! instead of the other way around. __________________ SERENITY?? WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE? NOW, I UNDERSTAND!!! I'M GRATEFUL, EVEN THOUGH IT TOOK ME 4 YEARS TO UNDERSTAND, FOR NOW I CHERISH MY SERENITY AS A WELL EARNED GIFT OF GRACE.

03-27-2008, 04:38 PM	#6 (permalink)
MsGolightly Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 792	this idea made me grin from ear to ear... i'm in! i can't wait to see what everyone discusses instead! __________________ "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." - Kahlil Gibran

03-27-2008, 04:55 PM	#7 (permalink)
Barbara52 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 3,349	I like the idea in theory. I really do. Unfortunately, I know that there are gong to be many folks coming in here seeking help/advice/support and the only way I will be able to relate fully will be to mention what my AH did and how I reacted as a means of helping them understand how they can help themselves. To stop talking about my AH altogether, to expect especially new folks to not talk about their particular A defeats the purpose of this forum as I see it. __________________ *I trust you are capable of handling your own life and I now stop interfering by trying to rescue you.* There's only one corner of the universe you can be sure of improving, and that's your own self. - Aldous Huxley

03-27-2008, 03:49 PM	#3 (permalink)
kermit Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: california Posts: 752	I will give it a try

03-27-2008, 03:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
Pick-a-name Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,582	I am sure it will be an eye-opener for me!

03-27-2008, 04:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
grateful2b Leap of faith survivor Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In the pines, in the pines.... Posts: 1,364	ooooh , how timely..love this ...I'm in.......... ok, so , I just found a new place to live...got sads and was worried about finding a bright sunny place that was really quiet...got my Law of Attraction ducks in a row and first call..I found a place in a turret with tons of sun, super quiet building with four huge windows and a fireplace...I'm so excited and relieved..Its a little smaller than I'm used to so off to Ikea for some wicker storage. __________________ We are what we believe we are....C.S. Lewis You need to give up the life you have in order to have the life thats waiting for you...

03-27-2008, 05:57 PM	#10 (permalink)
NYC_Chick Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 516	I'll take it. After the day I had yesterday a mental break from the A sounds pretty good to me : )

03-27-2008, 05:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
grateful2b Leap of faith survivor Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In the pines, in the pines.... Posts: 1,364	actually, that was my take too...yes, agree with you, Msgolightly..... I see it as a challenge and a relief to talk about our recovery without that constant need to refer to the A.... __________________ We are what we believe we are....C.S. Lewis You need to give up the life you have in order to have the life thats waiting for you...

03-27-2008, 07:30 PM	#12 (permalink)
prodigal prodigal Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: My side of the litterbox-keepin' it clean Posts: 1,869	I have found that posts in the past that have dealt with US, our interests, our children, our activities, jobs, etc. have proven to be a positive experience for me. We had one topic I particularly remember in which people talked about their hobbies and their careers. The people on this forum became more real for me. We have people here with diverse and fascinating backgrounds. I'm all for it. Great idea, FD. __________________ Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love.

03-27-2008, 10:40 PM	#14 (permalink)
*cmc* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: a good state of mind Posts: 9,640	Is this like that game we play at baby showers where if you say 'baby' somebody takes your token safety pin? I'm in. Please let me know if I slip though! here goes: my ESH without mentioning ____ or _____ or _______. My recovery has helped me to handle problems ranging from a hangnail to a full blown life & death crisis much better. When life becomes difficult I am more likely to see it in the light of recovery, except that there are times when I fail to apply what I know. When that happens I tend to be critical of myself and then I have to stop that nonsense and say..."WTG girl you are improving." Lately I'm not having too many problems with my old negative behaviors but I would like to see some more positive actions take place in my life and change the things I can. Whew... thanks for letting me share. __________________

03-27-2008, 11:09 PM	#15 (permalink)
kermit Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: california Posts: 752	Wow so I just realized I already blew it, with out even thinking about it I staryed talking about him with a friend

03-28-2008, 02:08 AM	#16 (permalink)
LucyA Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Manchester UK Posts: 499	I just know I can't do it, not this week anyway theres too much going on that involves him at the moment. I have done it in the past though, at one time every conversation I had with anyone, they'd bring it up, ask how he was, how he was doing etc. Used to do my head in, so I made myself become more assertive and refused point blank to discuss him in any way. I can see the value of this thread because I felt stronger in myself when I felt able to keep conversations brother free. There will be lots of people who can't do it, and thats ok because I agree with Barbara too, isn't talking about them how most of us begin to help ourselves?

03-28-2008, 07:32 AM	#18 (permalink)
Kindeyes Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Washington State Posts: 780	I love the threads about Alanon literature. I try to take the things I have learned and apply them to my everyday life. I feel good about myself when I do that and I refer to the principals of recovery everyday. It's amazing how I will extend those codependent behaviors beyond the A in my life and how the principals of recovery apply well beyond their initial application. I think that because people are in such different stages of their own recovery they have different needs. Perhaps those who are further in their recovery can share posts that deal with the everyday use and application of recovery. I think this is a great idea to diverify the post topics!

03-28-2008, 07:59 AM	#19 (permalink)
*Rella927* ¢σммυηιту gяєєтєя Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Spreading my wings Posts: 6,616	One week starting yesterday so that makes it down to 6 days FD? I will give it a go-(Pssssst I want to be like CMC when I grow up as the post was a great example!) __________________ Dance as though no one is watching you Love as though you have never been hurt before Live as though heaven is on earth.

03-30-2008, 01:10 AM	#21 (permalink)
justjo Sunny Side Up Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Aust Posts: 2,475	Mmmm, yep, I think I can do that. I go into the Cafe Central Forum everyday as it takes my mind off things. Can have some good fun in there, games, chatting etc.

03-30-2008, 09:15 AM	#22 (permalink)
Miss Pink Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Right here somewhere Posts: 511	alcoholic?? Does that include the hot guy I met last night at an AA meeting....? Shoot

04-06-2008, 12:32 AM	#23 (permalink)
justjo Sunny Side Up Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Aust Posts: 2,475	Nope, nope, nope, I didnt do it! Sorry, my as rang my mum on her birthday and abused her, so no, it was all talk about her again.

04-06-2008, 09:53 AM	#24 (permalink)
mushroom Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: WA Rainforest Posts: 186	Ya know, when you're in the thick of the chaos and insanity, it's hard not to talk about the A! and it's cathartic in the beginning stages to talk about the A and what live with an A is like - it validates the insanity and craziness. So I think it's a necessary early stage of development, like for babies, putting everything in their mouths, or for teenagers, flirting with everyone in sight. But you do grow out of it! Why I almost never talk about HIM anymore, except a casual mention in conversation every now and then of something we used to do together or something he once told me, you know, the kind of conversation any normal person would have about someone in their past. Nothing negative. Only the negative stuff when someone else is struggling with a similar issue in their own lives, and then it's to validate their own experience and show them that it's not just them, and it's not just that lousy no-good so-and-so, it's Alcoholism. So I've been out for 3 years now, and divorced for 2, and I go weeks without talking about HIM! Sometimes someone asks how he's doing, and I shrug and say I don't know, it's not my business anymore. __________________

04-06-2008, 01:10 PM	#25 (permalink)
really_fed_up Sister of Alcoholic Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: somewhere USA Posts: 153	I'll take the challenge! So here are some questions I'd really like to know: anyone read any good books, listened to any good music, or seen any good movies lately? What I've been reading lately: The Haunting of Hill House: Shirley Jackson (a CLASSIC that I read at least once a year) Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race & Inheritance, Barack Obama Listening to: albums galore! Watching: Just watched a great documentary about the history of the classic arcade game Donkey Kong: The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters Very entertaining--Netflix it!