DESIGNER

So the xabf came home today while I was there. Being so nice and sweet to me....not asking me to be back together but just trying to make small talk and I guess be civil. Well I don't want to be civil. I prefer if he would just not talk with me. It is too hard to be happy and friendly. I still love him and when we have these moments of laughter I find myself wanting him back. I don't though unless he is sober. I never usually say I hate someone but I just feel so much anger toward him.

As he walked out the door to go to work tonight he said
" Bye have a good evening" in a really chipper nice voice. Ok i will have a great evening.......mending my freaking broken heart.

God does he not see the pain he has caused me?

4 years of going in and out of my life.....I should have known that this day would come. How can someone do this to someone they say they love?

Sorry everyone....was doing really well today untill I saw him.

Barbara52

You are in a difficult situation living with him but knowing you its over. Its going to present problems, that's inevitable, until you the two of you are not living together. Be patient with yourself. It is hard and it does hurt.

Mair

Designer ((())) this is just my perception and im going on how my axb used to behave when we numerously split up. Do you think that he's being the nice guy and look at me i am fine without you, to make you think that he isnt that bad, and that you are making the worst descision in your life. Mine did this a lot and it does hurt, and i would panic and decide to go back. And low and behold he would be back to normal within days and i would kick myself for being so stupid.

He is playing with your heart he knows how to press your buttons.
How long do you have left living with him?

NYC_Chick

Mine does/did this too. I think it should just be called the "I'm doing SO well without you" syndrome. Then BAM! There they are soon enough, life falling apart, and no gf to fight with or mistreat. They panic, then they come back. By then you will have realized this is the "game" again and you will be stronger and not care. Out comes the puppy dog eyes and the "I'm sorry" to win you back over. The choice is then up to you. Do you want to do this the rest of your life? I would rather hurt now than prolong it. I beleive the rest of your life is a long time to be miserable. In 10 years, you can look back and think of this for what it was...the love of your life that won't get better so you had to take care of yourself, or you can be in another apartment with 2 kids and going through a divorce kicking yourself.

Hang in there! It will be over soon and you WILL be ok!

NYC17

Mine too. Same thing. I need space she says. Gets angry and doesn't want to sahre anything that's going on in her life but as soon as I have a breakdown she's there for me. I don't know if she's fine without me or not. She wasn't the first few days. She let that be known but she was so angry that I broke up with her that she's punishing me now. It's crazyness. I know this isn't a divorce site but I wonder if it has to do with that as well. Her parents also divorced at a young age and it's like I will hurt you before you hurt me.

denny57

If possible, I'd suggest walking out the door when he walks in. This, too, shall pass.

((()))

nowinsituation

Designer - Mine too. I only see him when I pick up my daughter. But it is the same thing. He's doing just fine. Doesn't try to talk about anything except small talk. My gut feeling is same as what was said above. He is trying to make it look like he is just fine without me and he wants me to believe he is sober and having no trouble doing it. I don't know if he is or not, and it doesn't matter anyway. I get to spend several hours with him tomorrow as I have to take him to a performance of our daughter's band. I don't know how I'm going to get through it!! Just remember Designer, this too shall pass.

SerenitySeaker

Designer,
My AH could sell ice to an Eskimo, don't be fooled by the act. You are better than that and it will get easier once you are no longer under the same roof. Stay strong.

Prayers & Hugs

fluffyflea

Hi,

In a word...........................MANIPULATION!


Ngaire

Growing

((((Designer)))))

It must be so difficult going through a breakup while living with the person.

It doesn't sound like you got reeled back in...and you do seem to see this for what it is...your breaking up...but he is acting like everythings just dandy...to me...this is crazy-making behavior...A relative of mine did this to me...and I figured out...for me...that it was a tactic that they used to keep me in constant confusion...like, "What the H**L is going on here?". But you seem to see this. I think you are recognizing the manipulation.

It is just so hard to see the person! I know it must be painful. I just want to say...that we are here for you and you will make it through this.

sodetermined

My ABF does the same thing, he just did it to me today only over the phone after being gone for 3 days. He "seems" fine, but I know better. He sure wants me to believe that because that does tend to draw us toward them.

carolineb

This is the song and the dance of the alcoholic.

Look how great I am.....everything is going SO well. My job is good, my kids are good...I'm exercising.....I've got a new love.

Oh, and by the way....the reason that everything SEEMED so bad before, is because of YOU. Yes, YOU. I drank because you weren't enough for me. But now....I'm so much better.

Blah, blah, blah, blah...............wolf in sheep's clothing. Yuck.

Wascally Wabbit

How many times have I fallen for this same story? How true it is what you said. It's manipulation in plain sight. Fact is, they never do "so well" anywhere they go or with any "new" GF. They are miserable, and they are going to do what ever they have to do to get what they want. They put on a facade of doing so great when really, they are failing the whole time.
The real TRUTH is, I am doing much better with out YOU.