Peace Seeker

Hello Everyone...It has been a long while since I have posted anything on the site. I need some advice! Just a little background...My AH was charged with DUI last March after he was found on the side of the highway last year with the doors locked, the engine running and his foot on the brake. He was passed out and the window had to be broken for the police to get him out. His bac was .42 at the hospital. Soon after he went to inpatient rehab for 30days, attends AA about 4 times per week, goes to an outpatient program once a week and had to spend 6 weekends in jail. He also had a interloc device put on his car. He has almost 10 months of sobriety which I am so grateful for. Now comes the advice. He went to mexico on Monday for a sales meeting. We talked about what the night life was going to be like down there. He said that he felt very strong and ofcourse there is nothing to worry about. I talked to him 2 days ago and I could have sworn that he had been drinking. In the past I have been dead on with my suspicions. He denied it and said, "Everything's good..." which made me even more suspicious. Since then I have not been able to sleep at night because I have no idea of what he is doing. It has been so nice over these last 10 months. Our marriage has been great, there has been no chaos in our house and the kids are so happy? My question is do I badger him about it or not? He'll get up in front of his AA peers and pick up his one year chip in a couple of months and not think twice about it. What do I do?

karmakoma

Personally, I would leave him be. If he drank but has got back on the horse, does it matter? And if hasn't got back on track, then you will know sooner rather than later.

I tried to be my ex's sobriety marshall for a time. All it did was wear me out, get on his nerves and undo any progress we had made in our relationship.

best

If he did drink...what would you do?

As for confronting someone... I say confront them once so they know where we stand. Confront them a second time if you feel the need to be sure they were listening. Anything beyond that becomes badgering in my opinion.

Why do we confront others at all?

Your reason for doing so should guide you to your answers.
If for a control of sorts...back away.
If only to let others know where our boundaries are at... share for that reason only.
So back to the original question... If he did drink, what would you do?
Many times when I ask myself that question, I find I am willing to accept some negatives among the growth that the positives show,
In other words... things may be such that I can live with it for the moment.

Miss Pink

Badgering is for badgers.

Al-anon is for families of alcohloics.

I suggest the latter.

hope2bhappy

It's not your job to snoopervise his recovery. What are you going to do if the answer is "yes"? What can you do if the answer is "yes"?

The thing about AA chips is that you're kind of on the honor system. I've observed that the chips are pretty meaningful to them. It's a personal accomplishment that most take very seriously. I know of folks who slip every couple of months and keep picking up their one month chip over and over again. If your husband is really working his program and the steps, I don't think he will take the one year chip (if he has, indeed, slipped).

RosieM

He knows. If he's slipping back into it, you will know for sure really quick. My experience is that the backslide is faster each time it happens. Confrontation didn't do anything for my situation. It did help me to continue to work on my contingency plans.