Help my Dad is killing himself

[honkeetonk]

Hey, this is my first post on the site and was wondering if people could give some feedback. I am 21 years old my dad is a MAJOR alcoholic and he is going to die if he doesn't quit. He recently had reconstructive hip surgery 3 years ago and he is overweight. If he doesn't lose the weight his leg will shatter and be amputated.

We are running in a vicious circle trying to figure out a solution but the conversation of the drinking usually does not go so well. He is physically dependent on the crap and i am afraid if he abruptly stops it will kill him too! He refuses to go to the hospital... he keeps saying that his government job could be in jeapordy and i think that is bullshit... he uses excuses like ive been at work all day all i want to do is zone out when i come home and i deserve a drink every now and then. He is the type that hides his bottle and drinks alone and he drinks it straight from the bottle. he is going to die, my mom has left and moved out of the house, this is so depressing for me. How do i get him to the hospital for a detox? IT IS THE ONLY WAY

[Barbara52]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Its so very hard to watch those we love destroy themselves. You are right that detoxing alone can be dangerous.

How do you get him to the hospital for a detox? You don't unless its what he wants to do. He is the only person who can decide to help himself. You cannot change him or make him do anything.

Even if you could get him into a hospital for detox, if he isn't ready to stop drinking he will only start as soon as he gets out.

I'm sorry not to be more positive but this is the reality of alcoholism.

All you can do is help yourself deal with how his choice to continue drinking is affecting you.

[honkeetonk]

thanks for the reply, that is cool because I am from Fairfax, VA and so is my dad

[CarolD]

I am so very sorry you and your family
are in this situation.

Have you heard of Al anon?
It's a free program for those who
deal with a loved ones alcoholism.

Sadly...getting your Dad into a de tox
when he does not want to quit just won't work.
De tox is 3/4 days of weaning him away
but ....he will drink again most likely.

The above is my observation and opinion
as an alcoholic in AA recovery.

Blessigs to you and your family

[honkeetonk]

thank you so much for your support

[Barbara52]

You are in a horrible situation. I remember watching both my parents drnking and feeling desparate to try and get them to quit. Nothing had an effect on them really. My mother is now 86 and still drinks. My father quit drinking about 20 years before he died. He scared himself one night when he walked out of a bar, slipped and badly broke his ankle. He never drank again although he never admitted to being an alcoholic and never did any recovery work.

[Growing]

Hello Honkeytonk and welcome to SR---a great group of people.

I look forward to getting to know you better so please keep coming back.

I know you want to find help for your dad but the only real help you can be to him is to educate yourself and become the best you that you possibly can.

The truth is, some alcoholics die in their addiction. I never thought my dad would. I thought he would eventually get sober, and get in to recovery. My mom got sober and I thought he would follow her lead. He didn't. He was determined to die in his disease because the disease of alcoholism had taken full control of him. He refused to go to the hospital, layed in his bed for a year, the pain of dying got to him, he needed morphine....went to the hospital and died shortly thereafter.

I am not sharing this to bum you out. It is the truth of what happened to me. No one ever told me he may die. Everyone focused on him getting into recovery.

I don't know what might happen with your dad and there is always hope for your dad. But, he has to turn his life around...you can't do it for him.

You didn't Cause his alcoholism....You can't Control his alcoholism...You can't Cure his alcoholism.

What if he did get help? Alcoholics are known to relapse or drink again. Relapse is part of recovery...so I've heard.

There is hope for you. Check out alanon or keep coming back to SR. Become the best you that you can be. This will help you and your dad.

[BohemiMamaof3]

Hi Honkeetonk,

Welcome to the board. I think you've been given some really great advice & comments here. I don't have anything to add, but wanted to say hi.

[honkeetonk]

thank you eveyone for the warm welcome. If i had one wish it would be for my dad to be Happy and Healthy... he doesn't deserve to be taken over by alcohol. I can't stand seeing the depression that has consumed him. He loves my mom, he loves my family he has done everything for us but the one thing that we all really want is for him to quit drinking. He needs help, hopefully it won't be too late for him

Thanks

[Growing]

((((honkeetonk))))

"If i had one wish it would be for my dad to be Happy and Healthy... "

If I had one wish it would be that Honkeetonk would be Happy and Healthy. You don't deserve to be taken over by the effects of someone elses alcoholism. What about your own depression? If you need help, I hope you will keep coming back to SR and maybe alanon meetings.

Don't forget about you.

I am praying for you and your dad.

[hope2bhappy]

Welcome. The best way you can help your dad is to help yourself. I know that this is a difficult concept to grasp, but it is the truth. Try some Alanon meetings. You are not alone.