Treated or Untreated, still cunning baffling & powerful!

[cookconfay]

As of right now, I will be filing harassment, stalking, tresspassing, restraining order, protective order or something tomorrow on xabf. I have tried repeatedly to break this off with him, and it's been off for good for over a month or two now. He consistently and repeatedly calls, leaves messages if I don't answer, and shows up at my door, he shows up where I am, waits in the parking lots for me to leave places.....this guy is whacked.

I hope and I pray that tomorrow when I talk to the law enforcement agencies here in my town that I can get something done. I don't have any money to "file" this so I sure hope it doesn't cost! He called me about 14 - 17 times today and left about at least 7 or 8 messages. When I got out of my class at church.....he was waiting there for me and followed me. I freaked out....I didn't know whether to call the police, or what......I had my 3 1/2 yr old daughter with me. I mean is he dangerous.....I don't know, I don't want to find out....this definitely is not rational behavior. It was suggested many times to "not answer the calls", well this is what happens....he shows up and follows me. WTF?

He leaves messages....last one said he can file this stuff on me too? Whatever, I have not bugged him, not followed him, not nothing! All I did was leave a message I was warning him for the last time and that tomorrow I would be filing some kind of something with the police!

I have a headache and have had it for the last 3 days. I am tired of this abuse. As far as violence......when we lived together almost 25 or 26 yrs ago, he got drunk and got rowdy with me one time.

Supposedly he has not drank in almost 60 days, but he's been lying about drinking and not drinking for the whole time we have been "attempting" to be back together, since probably April of 07. I have tried to break it off since August or so.........lies, lies, lies. Going to meetings? Well he says yes, who the hell knows? Obviously the actions don't show he's doing any actual recovery work huh? Man, I just don't wanna live my life in fear!

Thanks for letting me vent.......................

[ICU]

I replied to your post in the other forum!

[Lilyflower]

Hi there,

I have no idea about costs. In Britain, I don't think you would be charged anything if you are logging a complaint with the police. Not sure about actually taking it to court though. Do you have any legal aid in America?

I think its for the best that you get some kind of order against him though. you have the right to live life without him creeping around all the while!

Good Luck
Lily xxxxxxxxx

[cookconfay]

Thank you Lily, I don't think court is actually necessary. I just want a police officer to show him and tell him...."Hey, you better back off and leave this gal alone" type of thing. I am checking into all of this after noon today cuz I am off of work this afternoon.

[BohemiMamaof3]

Wow. Scary. Good luck.

[Rella927]

CookC

Ok.....your story sounds all to familiar to me!

Going to the police station and filing for a temp. restraining order is something that I would do (I did) and then you can go to court to have it made permanent. (I did that also) just tell them what he is doing-Driving by the house-showing up at your door etc....

Change the phone number! -Please know this was a very hard one for me as I had my cell phone number for close to 7 years- I CHANGED THE NUMBER! Wow that was a tuff one but the feeling of peace after it was done-was immense! I did not know what to do with it at first it was a raw feeling! So worth it!

All I did was leave a message I was warning him for the last time and that tomorrow I would be filing some kind of something with the police!

How about just going to the police without warning him!? Why warn him-? Does he warn you when he shows up on your door step? Or when he is following you?

Please take care of you and consider following through with the restraining order it is a great source of protection-

I found that when I did this and then I stopped worrying about his lying to me when he took his last drink......and if he loved me....among many other things-that dealt with the drama and chaos of his life-I began to take control of my own life and today I'm much happier for it!

Good Luck

[cookconfay]

My cell phone is a business phone, the company I work for pays for it. I'd really rather not drag any more of this into my wonderful job than already has been dragged in. I changed my home phone # when xah was bothering the hell out of me over 4 years ago!

[Rella927]

Just from my experience ....when I got the restraining order (perm one) it did not stop him from calling me and he was arrested a few times for doing so! He would do that block his number and call thing-too-and with that there was nothing that I could do!

Maybe discuss it with work that you keep getting someone calling that is a wrong number and they will not let up-and is it possible to change the number-

It will bring you a lot more peace in your life!

[anvilhead]

next time he follows you in the car, drive DIRECTLY to the police station. i agree with the above, do NOT give him any more heads up or warnings, do NOT engage in any type of conversation, every time you so much as twitch in his direction he sees that as the green light. i know this is a tough time, but you're a tough gal........

[Rella927]

Cook it took me till just recently to get rid of the XABF-and we broke up 2 years ago! As Anvil stated any comment made to him no matter what it was its will engage him and "give him a green light" to think Oh she is coming around ok well I'm going to try this next....I cannot even begin to tell you the things that my XABF did to me-but the key thing is I allowed it -when I stopped allowing it-that is when things changed! I left in the police officers/prosecutors/detectives/judges hands....

Today I follow through with any contact that he trys to make i.e. drive by or any trick that he trys to do-and he is now on probabation in 2 countys-been to jail-fines up the you know what- and now just was given a harassment charge-and the prosecutor has pictures of him stalking so if he continues to do his drive by's etc....he will be visting jail again for a long time!

Nothing changes unless we change it-

I have had enough Drama and Chaos in my life! How about you?

[Miss Pink]

Buy a gun and blow his friggin head off.

Ok,,that felt good to say, but I dont really mean it.
Sober behavior shows itself....this isnt sober by any means. Do all that you have to do to protect yourself. Giving no fuel to the fire usually is the best solution. I wish you good luck!!

[Janitw]

YOU be careful CookC........he has a screw loose in his head......

I read it somewhere that its usually very hard to shake an alcoholic away from you if that is your goal.......it looks like you have one of those types.....watch your back and take extra precautions ok.....

[barb dwyer]

hi -

please keep in mind always that a piece of paper is not protection. it's just a piece of paper, and only comes in hanxy if it's broken. second, anyone you've got to GET a piece of paper against - has already gone too far to pay it much mind.

I'm speaking from personal experience.

If you get a chance -
and maybe just go get a copy anyhow -
go get the book

The Gift of Fear...by Gavin De Becker.

be aware.
and be safe.

[DanaPooh]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

hi -

please keep in mind always that a piece of paper is not protection. it's just a piece of paper, and only comes in hanxy if it's broken. second, anyone you've got to GET a piece of paper against - has already gone too far to pay it much mind.

I'm speaking from personal experience.

If you get a chance -
and maybe just go get a copy anyhow -
go get the book

The Gift of Fear...by Gavin De Becker.

be aware.
and be safe.

That was exactly what I was going to say. Do not be lulled into some false sense of security just because you have a piece of paper.

The Gift of Fear is an awesome book. I read it about 8 years ago and recently read it again.

[anvilhead]

cook, check in with us ok? be well sweetie

[cookconfay]

I'm here, just pissed as usual. I'm sure tired of ranting & raving and sure everyone is sick of hearing it so.....best to keep my mouth shut.

I'm mailing certified the Trespassing thing today as instructed by the POLICE.

[Rella927]

Actually I should have mentioned in my post that although it is "just a piece of paper" to be safe - Thank you for that reminder Barb!

I do however believe that in my experience it did give me some sense of feeling protected-although I was looking over my shoulder and taking pre-caution-too. I knew that piece of paper could help me (as it did) because it was a source of protection but, not the only protection that I need/needed in my life.

The restraining order worked for me in some aspects of the harassment-that my XABF was giving me and sometimes it did not-

Always be safe Cook