Update - Haven't posted in over a year, heartfelt thanks to you all!
Recovering Nicely
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Update - Haven't posted in over a year, heartfelt thanks to you all!
Hi All, This is my third attempt at writing this post ... the computer freezes halfway thru it, and I have to restart and lose it all ... guess maybe what I wrote wasn't meant to be posted lol.
I just wanted to say that I haven't really posted in over a year here, since my last thread about my ex AH. At that time, I was upset, I should say VERY upset about the comments of my last thread. I felt everyone, or most, were being very judgmental and attacking. I even went so far as to write the mods asking them to remove me and all my posts from this forum, which they did not do (in hindsight, a great big thank you!). What I didn't realize at the the time was nobody was attacking me, they were calling me on my stuff! And I didn't like it. Same as an A doesn't like it when we call them on their stuff. I went into defense mode, justifying my actions same as the A's justify their actions. I mean, after all, I was in "recovery". I was making "great strides" in my own recovery! How dare they???? This is all in the WWC (Wonderful World of Codies lol).
What I didn't realize at the time was that these beautiful people here went thru exactly or worse than what I went thru, were further along in their recovery then I was, and knew what it took to have peace and serenity in their lives. They had the courage to take the steps they needed to to gain that. They were constantly working on themselves. What I learned from all that was I was only in the beginning stages of my recovery, even tho I was fooling myself into thinking I had it all "down pat"! I didn't, I didn't even have a clue what real recovery was. Real recovery takes work, constant work. Real recovery takes acceptance for what is ... for people/places/things! Doesn't mean I have to tolerate/enable them/it, just means that I have to take action to do what's best for me. As long as I keep my side of the street clean. Real recovery means that I don't make excuses for me or anyone else ... cause excuses are just that - excuses! Real recovery means not blaming anyone else for my actions .. I put the blame where it belongs, on me! I am free to chose whatever action I chose to take, only I must bear the consequences of those actions ... good or bad. Real recovery is knowing I can't change anyone other than myself, and I am the only one responsible for my happiness and life ... real recovery is knowing how to state my wants, needs, requirements and boundaries in such a way to still keep my dignity and the dignity of the other person in tact ... I am working on myself on a constant basis .. and will continue to do this for the rest of my life ....
Many of you, and you know who you are, have helped me to realize this, and work on this to the best of my ability. I am a work in progress and will continue to be ... progress, not perfection! And I am humbly grateful for that!
In the past year, I have worked on myself, never let AH back in the house, will be legally divorced in about another month (and he is no longer part of our life), detached totally from my addict daughter, my granddaughters are thriving in school and socially, my adult son who lives with me has met a wonderful woman who loves and accepts my granddaughters and they both help me out babysitting when I go out with my boyfriend, who treats me the way I deserve to be treated (and I wouldn't accept anything less)... and life is very peaceful, serene, and all is well. All the financial problems I anticipated have come to pass, we got thru them, as we will any other circumstances that come our way, but all in all, the past year has been the best year of my life! To all of you SR friends who helped me thru the roughest years of my life, I say a giant THANK YOU! And to all you newcomers ... I say, it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Don't beat yourself up over it not happening yet. When you're ready... it will be there. But all in all, it is so worth it in the end, trust me! Have that courage, take that leap of faith and know that it will all work out the way it's supposed to! Love to you all!
I just wanted to say that I haven't really posted in over a year here, since my last thread about my ex AH. At that time, I was upset, I should say VERY upset about the comments of my last thread. I felt everyone, or most, were being very judgmental and attacking. I even went so far as to write the mods asking them to remove me and all my posts from this forum, which they did not do (in hindsight, a great big thank you!). What I didn't realize at the the time was nobody was attacking me, they were calling me on my stuff! And I didn't like it. Same as an A doesn't like it when we call them on their stuff. I went into defense mode, justifying my actions same as the A's justify their actions. I mean, after all, I was in "recovery". I was making "great strides" in my own recovery! How dare they???? This is all in the WWC (Wonderful World of Codies lol).
What I didn't realize at the time was that these beautiful people here went thru exactly or worse than what I went thru, were further along in their recovery then I was, and knew what it took to have peace and serenity in their lives. They had the courage to take the steps they needed to to gain that. They were constantly working on themselves. What I learned from all that was I was only in the beginning stages of my recovery, even tho I was fooling myself into thinking I had it all "down pat"! I didn't, I didn't even have a clue what real recovery was. Real recovery takes work, constant work. Real recovery takes acceptance for what is ... for people/places/things! Doesn't mean I have to tolerate/enable them/it, just means that I have to take action to do what's best for me. As long as I keep my side of the street clean. Real recovery means that I don't make excuses for me or anyone else ... cause excuses are just that - excuses! Real recovery means not blaming anyone else for my actions .. I put the blame where it belongs, on me! I am free to chose whatever action I chose to take, only I must bear the consequences of those actions ... good or bad. Real recovery is knowing I can't change anyone other than myself, and I am the only one responsible for my happiness and life ... real recovery is knowing how to state my wants, needs, requirements and boundaries in such a way to still keep my dignity and the dignity of the other person in tact ... I am working on myself on a constant basis .. and will continue to do this for the rest of my life ....
Many of you, and you know who you are, have helped me to realize this, and work on this to the best of my ability. I am a work in progress and will continue to be ... progress, not perfection! And I am humbly grateful for that!
In the past year, I have worked on myself, never let AH back in the house, will be legally divorced in about another month (and he is no longer part of our life), detached totally from my addict daughter, my granddaughters are thriving in school and socially, my adult son who lives with me has met a wonderful woman who loves and accepts my granddaughters and they both help me out babysitting when I go out with my boyfriend, who treats me the way I deserve to be treated (and I wouldn't accept anything less)... and life is very peaceful, serene, and all is well. All the financial problems I anticipated have come to pass, we got thru them, as we will any other circumstances that come our way, but all in all, the past year has been the best year of my life! To all of you SR friends who helped me thru the roughest years of my life, I say a giant THANK YOU! And to all you newcomers ... I say, it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Don't beat yourself up over it not happening yet. When you're ready... it will be there. But all in all, it is so worth it in the end, trust me! Have that courage, take that leap of faith and know that it will all work out the way it's supposed to! Love to you all!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((QT)))) - aww, sweetie, it is SOOOO great to hear such an awesome post for you. I was just wondering how you were doing, the other day.
Even before you posted this, someone else's post would remind me of you and I had to laugh...I remember all your "but...but....but..." as you hung on so very tightly to your dreams and beliefs. It was a true joy, every time we would see that little light bulb go off in your head, to hear of yet another step you made in recovery.
You're so right..we get where we get when, and not one second sooner, we're ready. I'm so happy to hear how well things are going.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Even before you posted this, someone else's post would remind me of you and I had to laugh...I remember all your "but...but....but..." as you hung on so very tightly to your dreams and beliefs. It was a true joy, every time we would see that little light bulb go off in your head, to hear of yet another step you made in recovery.
You're so right..we get where we get when, and not one second sooner, we're ready. I'm so happy to hear how well things are going.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
YAY!!!! And I can so relate to that first paragraph, not wanting to hear what people here said. Because I was different. 
MY AH was different.
Thank you for coming back and sharing that.
MY AH was different. Thank you for coming back and sharing that.
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