What's your Epiphany?

[Saint Francis]

A little early for this as the season of Epiphany starts January 6. I was just thinking that more important than New Year's resolutions are Epiphanies, spiritual realizations/awakenings. I just want to know what yours have been to inspire me to have one.

My AH asked me last week at a friend's house, "What's an Epiphany?" I said, "That's easy. Let me give you an example. Let's say alcohol has ruined your health, your finances, your loved ones' respect, and your marriage. Let's say you've been to rehab 3 times, had several DUI's and your life is in shambles. An Epiphany is that you realize alcohol is not your friend and you should quit drinking immediately and forever." There was a deafening silence. There have been no Epiphanies for him, or me. He keeps drinking, being verbally abusive, lies constantly, sneaks, and blames me. I just keep staying at the cost of my sanity.

[tryingtofly]

My epiphany was when after my AH was ordered to leave the residence I sat down and thought about the last couple of months, and it was like a light came on. I realized just how much he had been drinking, and how much he had changed and that things now need to change for the better.

[anvilhead]

one of my epiphanies was realizing that the only recovery i could truly manage was my own.........at the time both my other half and i were struggling to overcome a crack addiction but all my focus was on trying to get him to quit......that works a lot better when you put the pipe DOWN first! there is only one life i can SAVE........and that's my own.

[BayouSelf]

Awesome thread to get us thinking....My epiphany for 2008 is that although my exAH continues to try to remain in my life as a so-called "friend", having him in my life even the tiny bit that I do, continues to ruin my joy and happiness and in 2008, I will finally completely rid my life of this miserable person. I have come to the conclusion that I have forgiven him for everything he did to me, I wish him no harm, but its finally time for this sick, sick "friendship" to end. I am a much better person without him in my life and everytime he comes around, I fall back into MY old thinking and MY old behavior and I refuse to allow him to drag me back there after I have come so far.....so tonight when I get that "Happy New Year" text message from him....I will turn the phone OFF, and go about my business celebrating the incoming new year with my new healthy friends who enhance my life, not drag me down. I'm really excited about this next year!

[good_luck]

Wow. My Epiphany is identical to BayouSelf's!!!! Except I'm hanging out with old friends who enhance my life.

(ps- I don't want to talk about why I was trying to be friends with my ex! Christmas spirit run amok!!!!)

[NMillis]

my epiphany is that each pain, loss, and betrayal pushes me a little closer to breaking through all of the layers of superficialities and the heavy chains of those things i cannot control, so that i may reach a higher level of existence.

[WantsOut]

I have come to realize that many many people, especially women, have some kind of problem - we want so badly to be loved that we'll put up with anything.

My epiphany is that the love we seek must come from ourselves. This year I am going to do everything I can to come to love and trust myself.

[GiveLove]

I was treating myself to a Chipotle burrito seven years ago. My epiphany was when I realized, like a bolt from the blue, that I simply did not want to be in a love relationship with any kind of substance abuser any more. Not ever again. I have a deep seated disrespect and nausea about it, and I was trying to overcome that nausea for years because I "fell in love" (like it was some kind of hole)

I can't deny that part of my value system any more, not even if it means that I need to go through parts of my life alone. Denying my basic values sucks the happiness out of me, and I DO have a choice in the matter now. I can walk away. There are other joys to be had other than the kind I have to surrender my soul for....

Happy new year hugs everybody

[M_in_SF]

When I recently broke up with my alcoholic boyfriend, I had the same epiphany GiveLove described. As much as I am fed up with being single, I cannot be in a relationship with an alcoholic. I grew up with an Irish whiskey-drinking, verbally abusive, alcoholic father and I choose not to bring that abuse and insanity back into my life.

[Q365]

I had 3.What's an ah?Thanks

[BayouSelf]

AH = alcoholic husband

[Miss Pink]

SF- maybe your ephiphany is that you are aware of yourself destructive choice to stay?

do you know how many people stay and have no idea alcoholism is living in their home?

[denny57]

Originally Posted by Miss Pink

do you know how many people stay and have no idea alcoholism is living in their home?

I personally know one

[Growing]

I realized this year that just because someone is sober and goes to AA meetings often, does not mean that they are working their program.

I had to eliminate the influence of SOBER toxic family members from my life this year.

Before, I was scratching my head thinking...everyone in this nightmare is sober..WHATS WRONG WITH ME? Lightbulb moment for me...

I realized it is not good enough to only associate with sober/recovering people...you have to everyday, evaluate every relationship you have and see if you are the only one giving or giving too much.

I learned the truth of the statement from another member of this board: "I will only allow people into my life who ENHANCE it."

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

[prodigal]

My epiphany occurred when I decided that I wasn't going to be anybody's consolation prize.

[aztchr]

I forgave myself for accepting what was unacceptable for much too long.
I finally gave permission to put myself first. I'm worth it!!

[St_Kurt]

Originally Posted by Saint Francis

I just keep staying at the cost of my sanity.

I think you've already had your epiphany.

Good luck in your search for peace in the new year.

~SK

[LaTeeDa]

I think I've had many epiphanies along the way, but the one that sticks in my mind is when my Grandmother died. My Grandfather (the alcoholic) had died a few years before. There was a big gathering at the church, many people at the cemetery, and a huge pot luck get-together afterward. People flew in from all over the country to say goodbye to him. Everybody talked about what a great life he had and how he had touched them.

When my Grandmother died, nobody went to the funeral except my mom and step dad. None of the relatives came from out of town and there was no big get-together. When I reflected back on my memories of her, I couldn't find any pleasant ones. All I remember is a mean, bitter, grumpy woman who I couldn't stand to be around. Suddenly, I realized I was becoming that woman. My husband was the life of the party, surrounded by friends (drinking buddies) and I was alone and angry. I hated my life and spent all my time trying to get him to change. AHA! I was the one who needed to change--or become my Grandmother.

I don't know what will become of me ultimately, but I do know that I will not die an angry, bitter, mean person who no one wants to be around.

L