Starting recovery... starting smoking ?!?!

[rainonme]

Hi there,

As I mentioned before, I am new here. AH is on day 7 of recovery. We already attend couples counseling about once a month, but will likley begin going more often following a recent incident with AH and drinking (it is in my previous post for those who want the details...). AH is going to begin more individual counseling with our therapist on a weekly basis and will attend his first AA meeting on Tuesday. He is also going to increase his Zoloft in hopes that this will help his anxiety/depression and how ever that may be affecting his goal of sobriety.

Anyways, the situation is this: AH used to smoke cigarettes. He quit twice before, the most recent time about a year ago. He began chewing nicotine gum and about 6 months ago began doing chewing tobacco (which I was not pleased about). He never touched any cigarettes or any kind of smoking. Now that he has stopped drinking and pledged to make this sobriety thing work, he mentioned to me that he is thinking about smoking again. He says as a "crutch." He says to give him some "joy" since he does not have the alcohol to go to when he is depressed, angry, stressed, etc. I said he needs to try HEALTHY ways of coping and that to me, smoking will not fill that void that sobriety leaves him and that the larger issue is that he does not know how to appropriately cope with life's stressors. I think it is stupid for him to take this step backwards; he sees smoking as the same as doing dip. He agrees that the reasoning is not right and the choice is stupid, but he "wants to" do it. He asys his focus is on the sobriety and I shouldn't get on him about the tobacco....

UGH. I know smoking is not the same as drinking, but to me his overall poor reasoning and bad choices and drive to meet his wants and not be able to delay gratification is such a red flag to me and I automatically relate it to how he may be able to handle not meeting that want of drinking. Am I overreacting? I told him that I think it is a stupid idea and I don't like it and I asked him to wait until Monday to talk to the therapist about this decision. He bought a pack of cigarettes tonight (but has not touched them). I am trying not to be controlling and told him that he knows how I feel about it but it is his choice and that is all I am saying about it.

Anyone's AH do something like this when they stopped drinking? Like trading one bad habit for another or trying to fill the "void" of sobriety with something else (unhealthy)? Am I reading too much into it? Should I be happy that he is working on the sobriety thing and let go of the tobacco issue for now? I just don't know....

[prodigal]

Greetings, rain; glad to see a fellow Marylander here! Yes, smoking IS stupid - take it from a former smoker! My AH smoked like a fiend all three (yes, THREE) times he was locked up in rehab. It's just trading one addiction for another. Smoking is a smelly, dirty habit but your AH has every right to be as stupid as he wants to be in this case. As long as he isn't smoking in a "no smoking" zone, he can trash his lungs if he so desires.

So he knows you think his taking up smoking is stupid. Do you think your giving him your opinion about the habit will keep him from lighting up? And, no, it is not a matter of your over-reacting, it is a matter that his smoking is his business, stupid or not.

When I smoked, I didn't want anyone getting in my face telling me MY HABIT was stupid. It was my addiction and I alone owned it. I quit smoking on 10/06/03. My AH was in Iraq, I was living alone in our home, and I made the decision myself to quit. And plenty of people had told me over the years how stupid it was for me, an asthmatic, to stand around with a butt in one hand and an inhaler in the other. It didn't matter ....

[linda33]

Smoking is not gonna make thinks better, it will only make things worse! think about it... Better to find an other thing to do, for example sports.

[Barbara52]

I have a slightly different point of view. As a formerly obese person who smokes, I always hated it when my doctor would say I had to start eating right, exercising and quit smoking, now. Yeah, sure I was going to be able to deal with all the bad habits and addictions at lonce and become a perfect person all at once.

I chose to deal with one problem at a time. I am in the process of losing all the weight I need to lose (I'm down 30 lbs over the past year). Once I get the weight under control, then I can move on to the smoking.

Sure, its not good to pick up another addiction, smoking, when trying to deal with another addiction, alcohol. But, which is most important in improving quality of life right now? Is it a poor choice? Sure. But if it enables him to deal with the alcohol addiction and move toward recovery, is it unreasonable to allow him this critch for now?

[ICU]

I agree with Barbara. It may not be the choice for all of us, but, it is his choice. Obviously I'm not going to say that smoking is without consequence, but perhaps for now, it is the lesser of two evils. If I had a choice for my ex to be an alcoholic or a cigarette smoker, I would have taken the smoker in a heartbeat.