Seeing Some Light at the End of That Tunnel - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hbb · 10-30-2007, 08:09 PM

Hi all!

I'm not going to say i'm cured by any means but this weekend was unexpectedly better than any other one yet! Nothing really became of it but i ran into someone i knew a few years ago and played in softball tournaments with. We were all out for a Halloween party at a local pub type place and he was there. I'm not going to lie, i had a big crush on him then!! Not sure his status anymore as that never came up in conversation but found out he moved near my work. Then we were leaving and so you know that awkward "gotta go" because i wasn't driving BUT i did tell tell him we would be back there next week on Wednesday and got a hug (God i sound like i'm 15 again) sorry!!!!

It was a nice feeling to be noticed when it never happens to me! My brother actually said he was looking for me when i went to the bathroom lol!!!!!

Like i said, if nothing else, at least i know i won't actually die of a broken heart from my exabf. As much as i hoped things with him worked out differently i have to move on. I'm not looking to get into another relationship but know it could happen someday

Tomorrow could be different, but i'm riding this cloud out as long as i can......

LaTeeDa · 10-30-2007, 08:58 PM

Oh, I know that great feeling of being noticed by someone you find attractive. It does wonders for the ego.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I do worry that you are attaching your feelings of worthiness to what someone else thinks of you.

It is a trap to find our value in other people. Please remember that you are a beautiful, smart, funny, lovable person. Regardless of who pays attention to you.

L

Barbara52 · 10-30-2007, 09:05 PM

I'm glad you had a nice time and got that thrill of excitement. Its a wonderful feeling (dang its been a long time since I've felt that!).

But Like LTD says, don't forget you are that wonderful woman no matter what.

MsGolightly · 10-30-2007, 09:34 PM

good going, heather!

i know for the longest time after my break up, i felt like no one would ever love me again. i felt like a big old pile of crap, and i started to think i looked like one too. lately, i'm being noticed and told how beautiful i am and how much people want to spend time with me, and it feels GOOD. it reminds me that i'm not as bad as i thought i was. sometimes you need help from others to get there.

cdk1972 · 10-30-2007, 09:52 PM

from personal experience...i know that when someone pays attention to you, you feel so good that you tend to forget that you are not "cured"...I have been going through the same thing, and have been actually thinking about posting. SOmeone is interested in me, too. and i felt so good for a while that i was thinking, wow, it was just EXABF that was making me down, I am actually okay. but unfortunately, although this new person is still interested in me, and still being nice to me, my feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and just plain codependency are rearing their ugly heads again. I'm glad you are seeing a light, just don't forget to always continue to love yourself and concentrate on YOURSELF. i truly hope somethign positive comes out of this!!!!!!!!!! You deserve only the best!
kh

hbb · 10-31-2007, 06:01 AM

Like i said, i'm sure nothing will come of it nor do i expect it to, it was just nice to even talk to another guy for the night. I always feel i'm unapproachable so this was a nice change. I'm not looking for anyone else to complete my worthiness, just a decent night out without ending up crying by the end thinking of J!

cdk1972 · 10-31-2007, 07:45 AM

I realized what a downer i sounded like....i'm so sorry....I didn't mean to be so negative- you know i love you

Don't write this off either, Heath, maybe somethign WILL come out of it....why wouldn't it? Just don't forget to keep on working on making YOU happy without men....like i said, you only deserve the best!
((LOVE)))
K-

hbb · 10-31-2007, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdk1972

I realized what a downer i sounded like....i'm so sorry....I didn't mean to be so negative- you know i love you

Don't write this off either, Heath, maybe somethign WILL come out of it....why wouldn't it? Just don't forget to keep on working on making YOU happy without men....like i said, you only deserve the best!
((LOVE)))
K-

Your by no means a downer. I definatley have my guard up regardless of who it is these days. I am being cautious, just fun the other night with someone that was actually interested in talking to me and i went over to him to say hi!! Ya, i get bummed out when i stop and think about J but now it's not as much on my mind anymore because i am starting to realize that i am better off and can't handle a life of the drama and sadness i would have just to be with someone.

CBrown · 10-31-2007, 09:25 AM

Good for you, Heather! I'm glad you had an up instead of a down. I know it is 100% my friends supporting me through the past few months that has kept me from feeling despair. Like you said, if something happens, fine. If nothing happens, fine. Maybe he was brought back into your life just to help you up, and that's great! You're becoming a stronger, independent woman! Just keep riding the wave!

LaTeeDa · 10-31-2007, 10:15 AM

I really didn't mean to be negative either. I was just disappointed after I read the title that the 'light at the end of the tunnel" was another guy, instead of some big revelation or AHA moment.

My expectations, my stuff. Glad you had a fun night.

L

hbb · 10-31-2007, 12:00 PM

I guess i worded it probably wrong. I just meant that i went out and for the very first time in months laughed all night and genuinely had a great time. And to boot, ran into an old aquaintenance. I'm not looking for anything to necessarily come of that but that i didn't appear dead in everyone elses eyes cause that's how i have been feeling. But i understand the warnings! I'm not looking to date but i'm not ignoring it either!

hbb · 11-03-2007, 07:21 AM

Well my light has been somewhat dimmed at the moment

J's exgirlfriend lives near me and low and behold he's staying there (they are back together).....so wonderful to see that first thing in the morning on my way to the gym. I don't feel much of anything either way, pretty much knew it was the case but sux bigtime to actually SEE him there. He is a total loser.....oh i could scream at the top of my lungs....but what i should scream is HAVE A NICE LIFE....ugggghhh i'm aggravated now....

Barbara52 · 11-03-2007, 07:34 AM

That does suck that he's living so close. Do you own or rent? If it becomes a big problem for you, you can move. Yeah it would be a pain in the behind (Lord knows after moving twice in the past 3 months I know what a pain that is) and it could be argued that you shouldn't have to move to avoid him but it is an option.

hbb · 11-03-2007, 07:54 AM

Thank you Barbara, i know, but unfortunately my hands are tied because i live with my brother and another roommate and i can't afford to live somewhere else in case he should stop paying the loan, then i'm responsible for paying. It's actually her house, she lives with her mother, he has his own apt. where i don't have to see him. I actually haven't seen him anywhere in months...thank God! I'm really just more annoyed that he's such a sleeeeeze ball and i know some may come on and say otherwise but i'm pi$$ed off. I"m ranting i know lol!!

Barbara52 · 11-03-2007, 07:58 AM

Sometimes, ranting helps. Go ahead and rant for awhile. But then put it away and continuing moving on.

hbb · 11-03-2007, 02:26 PM

I've calmed down and have been rational this afternoon! I've come to the fact that they deserve each other, they are two people with no values, ambitions or respect. So i'm going onward but i am still angry. I'm going to need a little

to relax and move forward.

10-30-2007, 08:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
hbb Live, Laugh, Love Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Between Fenway and the Beach! Posts: 1,302	Seeing Some Light at the End of That Tunnel Hi all! I'm not going to say i'm cured by any means but this weekend was unexpectedly better than any other one yet! Nothing really became of it but i ran into someone i knew a few years ago and played in softball tournaments with. We were all out for a Halloween party at a local pub type place and he was there. I'm not going to lie, i had a big crush on him then!! Not sure his status anymore as that never came up in conversation but found out he moved near my work. Then we were leaving and so you know that awkward "gotta go" because i wasn't driving BUT i did tell tell him we would be back there next week on Wednesday and got a hug (God i sound like i'm 15 again) sorry!!!! It was a nice feeling to be noticed when it never happens to me! My brother actually said he was looking for me when i went to the bathroom lol!!!!! Like i said, if nothing else, at least i know i won't actually die of a broken heart from my exabf. As much as i hoped things with him worked out differently i have to move on. I'm not looking to get into another relationship but know it could happen someday Tomorrow could be different, but i'm riding this cloud out as long as i can...... __________________ Heather "Happiness often sneaks through a door we didn't know we left open" Last edited by hbb; 10-30-2007 at 08:26 PM.

10-30-2007, 08:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
LaTeeDa Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: FarNorthernCalifornia Posts: 3,492	Oh, I know that great feeling of being noticed by someone you find attractive. It does wonders for the ego. I don't want to rain on your parade, but I do worry that you are attaching your feelings of worthiness to what someone else thinks of you. It is a trap to find our value in other people. Please remember that you are a beautiful, smart, funny, lovable person. Regardless of who pays attention to you. L __________________ The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.--Henry David Thoreau I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.--Katharine Hepburn

10-30-2007, 09:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
MsGolightly Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 792	good going, heather! i know for the longest time after my break up, i felt like no one would ever love me again. i felt like a big old pile of crap, and i started to think i looked like one too. lately, i'm being noticed and told how beautiful i am and how much people want to spend time with me, and it feels GOOD. it reminds me that i'm not as bad as i thought i was. sometimes you need help from others to get there. __________________ "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." - Kahlil Gibran

10-31-2007, 06:01 AM	#6 (permalink)
hbb Live, Laugh, Love Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Between Fenway and the Beach! Posts: 1,302	Like i said, i'm sure nothing will come of it nor do i expect it to, it was just nice to even talk to another guy for the night. I always feel i'm unapproachable so this was a nice change. I'm not looking for anyone else to complete my worthiness, just a decent night out without ending up crying by the end thinking of J! __________________ Heather "Happiness often sneaks through a door we didn't know we left open"

10-31-2007, 09:25 AM	#9 (permalink)
CBrown Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past Posts: 483	Good for you, Heather! I'm glad you had an up instead of a down. I know it is 100% my friends supporting me through the past few months that has kept me from feeling despair. Like you said, if something happens, fine. If nothing happens, fine. Maybe he was brought back into your life just to help you up, and that's great! You're becoming a stronger, independent woman! Just keep riding the wave! __________________ Claudia somewhere distant, the hurricane still spins he rages and destroys, and believes that he wins but here in my world, the tempest far away i rebuild, rejoice and move forward, in halcyon days

10-30-2007, 09:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
Barbara52 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 4,299	I'm glad you had a nice time and got that thrill of excitement. Its a wonderful feeling (dang its been a long time since I've felt that!). But Like LTD says, don't forget you are that wonderful woman no matter what.

10-30-2007, 09:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
cdk1972 Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Idaho Posts: 124	from personal experience...i know that when someone pays attention to you, you feel so good that you tend to forget that you are not "cured"...I have been going through the same thing, and have been actually thinking about posting. SOmeone is interested in me, too. and i felt so good for a while that i was thinking, wow, it was just EXABF that was making me down, I am actually okay. but unfortunately, although this new person is still interested in me, and still being nice to me, my feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and just plain codependency are rearing their ugly heads again. I'm glad you are seeing a light, just don't forget to always continue to love yourself and concentrate on YOURSELF. i truly hope somethign positive comes out of this!!!!!!!!!! You deserve only the best! kh

10-31-2007, 07:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
cdk1972 Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Idaho Posts: 124	I realized what a downer i sounded like....i'm so sorry....I didn't mean to be so negative- you know i love you Don't write this off either, Heath, maybe somethign WILL come out of it....why wouldn't it? Just don't forget to keep on working on making YOU happy without men....like i said, you only deserve the best! ((LOVE))) K-

10-31-2007, 10:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
LaTeeDa Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: FarNorthernCalifornia Posts: 3,492	I really didn't mean to be negative either. I was just disappointed after I read the title that the 'light at the end of the tunnel" was another guy, instead of some big revelation or AHA moment. My expectations, my stuff. Glad you had a fun night. L __________________ The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.--Henry David Thoreau I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.--Katharine Hepburn

10-31-2007, 12:00 PM	#11 (permalink)
hbb Live, Laugh, Love Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Between Fenway and the Beach! Posts: 1,302	I guess i worded it probably wrong. I just meant that i went out and for the very first time in months laughed all night and genuinely had a great time. And to boot, ran into an old aquaintenance. I'm not looking for anything to necessarily come of that but that i didn't appear dead in everyone elses eyes cause that's how i have been feeling. But i understand the warnings! I'm not looking to date but i'm not ignoring it either! __________________ Heather "Happiness often sneaks through a door we didn't know we left open"

11-03-2007, 07:21 AM	#12 (permalink)
hbb Live, Laugh, Love Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Between Fenway and the Beach! Posts: 1,302	Well my light has been somewhat dimmed at the moment J's exgirlfriend lives near me and low and behold he's staying there (they are back together).....so wonderful to see that first thing in the morning on my way to the gym. I don't feel much of anything either way, pretty much knew it was the case but sux bigtime to actually SEE him there. He is a total loser.....oh i could scream at the top of my lungs....but what i should scream is HAVE A NICE LIFE....ugggghhh i'm aggravated now.... __________________ Heather "Happiness often sneaks through a door we didn't know we left open"

11-03-2007, 07:34 AM	#13 (permalink)
Barbara52 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 4,299	That does suck that he's living so close. Do you own or rent? If it becomes a big problem for you, you can move. Yeah it would be a pain in the behind (Lord knows after moving twice in the past 3 months I know what a pain that is) and it could be argued that you shouldn't have to move to avoid him but it is an option.

11-03-2007, 07:54 AM	#14 (permalink)
hbb Live, Laugh, Love Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Between Fenway and the Beach! Posts: 1,302	Thank you Barbara, i know, but unfortunately my hands are tied because i live with my brother and another roommate and i can't afford to live somewhere else in case he should stop paying the loan, then i'm responsible for paying. It's actually her house, she lives with her mother, he has his own apt. where i don't have to see him. I actually haven't seen him anywhere in months...thank God! I'm really just more annoyed that he's such a sleeeeeze ball and i know some may come on and say otherwise but i'm pi$$ed off. I"m ranting i know lol!! __________________ Heather "Happiness often sneaks through a door we didn't know we left open"

11-03-2007, 07:58 AM	#15 (permalink)
Barbara52 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 4,299	Sometimes, ranting helps. Go ahead and rant for awhile. But then put it away and continuing moving on.

11-03-2007, 02:26 PM	#16 (permalink)
hbb Live, Laugh, Love Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Between Fenway and the Beach! Posts: 1,302	I've calmed down and have been rational this afternoon! I've come to the fact that they deserve each other, they are two people with no values, ambitions or respect. So i'm going onward but i am still angry. I'm going to need a little to relax and move forward. __________________ Heather "Happiness often sneaks through a door we didn't know we left open"

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