my alcoholic fiance cheated on me.

Old 08-31-2007, 07:26 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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"so i needed that proof that he was lying, so I can leave him knowing that I did try to make this work and I did try to support him, but that in the end, it was him that was destroying the relationship."

I agree, you may have been led on for a while without knowing. Similar thing happened to me, mine didn't think he would get caught then denied anything happened with his ex. Oh please, i don't want to spend my life wondering what/who he's going to do next. As hard as it is, your DEFINATELY doing the right thing My thoughts are with you.
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Old 08-31-2007, 07:36 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Welcome Lyralee! Glad that you found us! SR is a great place with wonderful people and amazing stories and advice!

LaTeeDa hit it on the head as most times she does that! ACTIONS! This is very important thing to look for!

You did the right thing (it was a CHOICE) and a great one at that! He has choices too and they are his.

As the others stated I too would "Run"

Keep coming back and posting!
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Old 08-31-2007, 07:50 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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AH cheated on me the first year we were together. I kicked him to the curb so fast his head was spinning. Couple months later I took him back. I'd like to say it's the biggest mistake I ever made, but I'm sure I'll be making some of them in the future. But I am sorry I did it. Eighteen years later we're divorcing.
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Old 08-31-2007, 12:00 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Welcome Lyralee......I too can relate to the cheating end of the addiction....for me it was after 22 yrs of marriage and it did destroy our marriage .... I dont buy into the theory that alcohol made him cheat - I think that no matter what they still have a choice and when it came right down to it....they made BAD choices....and they know what they did and they knew what the turn out would eventually be. And they didnt care at all. They may be embarassed but thats about it.
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Old 08-31-2007, 01:47 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by lyralee View Post
Can you blame cheating and lying on alcohol?
It can be, but it may or may not be. It sounds like he was very egocentric and self-centered even when he was in sobriety. He had to have you, and tried every trick in the book to get you back...didn't really matter whether you were happy or not, HE had to have you.

Mine? He drove four hours in a blinding snowstorm to deliver me a six-pack of expensive beer, wrapped my mailbox in wrapping paper once, threw me a surprise birthday party (I'd never had one), left stuffed animals on my porch.

Sound familiar?

And mine was unfaithful a total of seven times, with seven different people, before I finally got him out of my mind and heart for good. It took me years to rebuild myself from the damage.

I'm glad you're doing what you need to do to protect yourself from a similar fate...

Hugs and strength to you -
GL
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Old 09-01-2007, 07:41 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Hi everyone! Thanks again for all your support and kind words...

I talked to him last night, and he finally admitted to me that he had been dating the girl for almost two months.. she was much younger, and they never had sex, but he wanted to... he blamed it on these compulsive thoughts he would have (he was diagnosed with OCD when he was younger, but never sought treatment for it)... he knew the whole time it was wrong, but he couldn't do anything to control it... are alcoholism and OCD related? I should probably also mention that he has low self-esteem issues.
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Old 09-01-2007, 07:45 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Wow, sounds like a lot of excuses for bad behavior.
But I guess if it work, he might as well try it on you.

You really don’t buy this do you?

Maybe he also suffers from YGS = young girl syndrome.
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Old 09-01-2007, 08:01 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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what exactly are his compulsive thoughts?

alcoholism and OCD aren't necessairly related. . . and everyone has low self-esteem issues.

believe me, i believed a lot of lies before i learned to trust my gut. if you believe them now, expect them to keep on comin ... once he sees he can get away with it with you, he'll continue to do so. nothin better than a doormat.

please keep reading and posting here - you'll learn a lot!
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Old 09-01-2007, 07:31 PM
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Aahhh yes...... Young Girl Syndrome. Mine has that too.

Run.
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Old 09-02-2007, 12:58 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by respektingme View Post
It makes you sad to hear how much he's hurting. Do you think he's sad because you're hurting? Do you think he thought about how sad you'd be if you found out he was boinking someone else? Do you think he was wondering about your emotional wellbeing as he pulled up to the hotel and checked in? Is he sad now because you packed his stuff and piled it on his car (good move) or because he hurt you?

Do not listen to him right now. He's trying to manipulate you. He screwed up. You need to move on.
Said-Now Listen!
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Old 09-10-2007, 12:37 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I just found out today that my xabf cheateed and I am devastated. i am fighting the rationalizations...
It was just one weekend when I wouldn't see him b/c he was so xanax-ed out. he took the first girl swooning over him....they only kissed once. both of them agreed to this...and I am sick at the thought of it.
sad part? I have been so supportive in endeavors to become clean and healthy...he FINALLY went to rehab 11 days ago...5 days after he left I was so releived and then I received an email from that girl. I about puked.
I'd like to believe it was just b/c he was high, but I am highly fearful of reliving that pain.
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