Holy ....

[pineapple2007]

I THINK I AM HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

I WANT TO SCREAM BUT I CANT BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE HOME. AND I ******* HATE THESE PEOPLE. MY MOM AND MY BROTHER. MY MOM IS LIKE LAUGHING BECAUSE I AM CRYING. WHAT THE ****

IT STARTED WHEN MY BRAIN WOULDNT SHUT THE **** UP. I KEEP WANTING TO CALL HIM. AND ALL I HEAR IN MY HEAD IS.. ITS OK CALL, HE MIGHT NOT MIND, IT MiGHT MAKE HIM HAPPY... WHO KNOWS HE MIGHT JSUT WANT TO HEAR FROM U....

OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY THE **** DO I WANT TO CALL HIM SO BAD... WHAT THE **** DOES HE HAVE FOR ME.... I JUST CANT MOVE ******* FORWARD........... **** THIS

WHY THE **** DO I HAVE TO BE SIT HERE AND ******* CRY

THEN I WANTED TO POST AND MY INTERNET WENT DOWN... HOLY **** I AM STEAMING AT THE EARS.... I AM SWEATING AND SHAKING... AND I JUST WANT TO SMASH MY HEAD ON A HARD TABLE CORNER ....

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME...... I CANT STOP CRYING AND I WANT SO SCREAM BUT I CANT I HAVE TO HOLD IT ALL IN AND MY HEAD IS POUNDING........

EVERY SINGLE THING IS GOING AGANST ME.

[gns]

I am sorry pineaplle. I understand the obsession and rationalizing and feeling like everything sucks and wanting to die.

It is an awful feeling. I wish I could help you, but all I can say is it does get better!

What is up with the people laughing at you crying???

[pineapple2007]

Shes A **** Bitch. Shes The Devil. I Hate Her With All My Heart. My Mom.. Ya She Was Like Oh Oh Why Are U So Upset. U Look Like A Crazy Person!!!!!!!

She Can Rot In Hell

[pineapple2007]

I Feel Like Spliting My Head Open, Just Cracking It. Or Going Into A Coma.. That Sounds So Good Right Now.... I Just Want To Black Out... Go Totally Unconcious

[pineapple2007]

omg i just had my finger on the botton to call......... i am so scared i am going to make a big mistake tonight

someone talk me out of this holy smokes

[GlassPrisoner]

Wow, that's pretty much how I felt before I quit drinking.

((((pineapple))))

[Rowan]

Hey Pineapple,

You still around? Feel free to PM me if you need to vent - I can listen if you like.
Hang in there - it's going to be alright.

Rowan

[BigGirlPanties]

Obsessive thought definition:

Is when ONE thought crowds out all other thoughts.

Obsession is the master of this disease....cant control it, I got to asl for help..from God,,,Al-anon....and any one else who has been relieved of the obsession.

Pray..it helps me...you are not alone...Hugs!!

[pineapple2007]

pray? I feel like God left me and the devil is taking over. I cant believe this is happening because i carry my bible everywhere and i was reading it during my lunch hour every day.

its like 1 bad thing happend... lead to another and another and another.. even the smallest things...like i really wanted to post and let it all out... i wrote my post and then my **** INTERNET CUT OFF..... and that set me off even more. then i wrote it again and it cut off again. like ****...HONESTLY WHAT THE **** IS HAPPENING TO ME? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN?????????????
I AM JUST WAITING FOR THE NEXT THING TO MESS UP

[respektingme]

Seems like a good time for the serenity prayer.

[BigGirlPanties]

what does prayer have to do with the bible?

[prodigal]

Well, I'm no theologian, but prayer IS mentioned in the Bible. Specifically, The Lord's Prayer, which all are invited to say at meetings if they so desire ...

[prodigal]

pineapple, reading the Bible a great deal doesn't keep life from turning around and slapping us in the face, as you can see. This is life and sometimes it stinks big-time. I cannot tell you how to react to your own personal situation; that is your choice.

Do you have a friend you can call right now? I don't know if you feel it would help, but perhaps speaking with someone might do you some good. We're out here in cyberspace, so it's a little more challenging to communicate.

I'm going to try to understand. It sounds as if you are in a lot of pain. Things are in the toilet for you right now. Would it help any to know that we've all been there and come out the other side in one piece? If you really do think you are on the verge of some type of emotional collapse, I'd suggest reaching out to someone face-to-face.

[pineapple2007]

Originally Posted by BigGirlPanties

what does prayer have to do with the bible?

I pray with my bible. i read the word. that is what it has to do with it.

[pineapple2007]

everyone tells me "pray, go and pray...speak to god..."

i have already. and i am in this mess. Ive gone to far now, i am to angry and upset ive lost all patience in my body for anything or anyone

[igetallnumb]

Originally Posted by pineapple2007

I THINK I AM HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

I WANT TO SCREAM BUT I CANT BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE HOME. AND I ******* HATE THESE PEOPLE. MY MOM AND MY BROTHER. MY MOM IS LIKE LAUGHING BECAUSE I AM CRYING. WHAT THE ****

IT STARTED WHEN MY BRAIN WOULDNT SHUT THE **** UP. I KEEP WANTING TO CALL HIM. AND ALL I HEAR IN MY HEAD IS.. ITS OK CALL, HE MIGHT NOT MIND, IT MiGHT MAKE HIM HAPPY... WHO KNOWS HE MIGHT JSUT WANT TO HEAR FROM U....

OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND OVER OVER AND OVER AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY THE **** DO I WANT TO CALL HIM SO BAD... WHAT THE **** DOES HE HAVE FOR ME.... I JUST CANT MOVE ******* FORWARD........... **** THIS

WHY THE **** DO I HAVE TO BE SIT HERE AND ******* CRY

THEN I WANTED TO POST AND MY INTERNET WENT DOWN... HOLY **** I AM STEAMING AT THE EARS.... I AM SWEATING AND SHAKING... AND I JUST WANT TO SMASH MY HEAD ON A HARD TABLE CORNER ....

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME...... I CANT STOP CRYING AND I WANT SO SCREAM BUT I CANT I HAVE TO HOLD IT ALL IN AND MY HEAD IS POUNDING........

EVERY SINGLE THING IS GOING AGANST ME.

hi... I have a mother like yours. I live in a home like yours. I dont drink, I use drugs but we are in the same boat here. i also had a person I was addicted to calling as well... when I read yours good lord it sound like times I went through.
You need to just tune all of the negative people in your home out way out and breathe. Put the phone away. Dont look at it. Just have it near you and just breathe.
Im here and I will listen. PM me whenever you need to talk. ((pineapple))

[DesertEyes]

Hey there Pineapple,

I'm sorry to hear you are going thru all this. The best thing to do is to get a hold of real people on the phone in your part of the world. In the phone you can find numbers for Al-Anon and AA. Give them a call and talk to a real person right now, that way you don't have to mess with the internet quiting on you or with having to wait for one of us web people to answer.

Mike

[GlassPrisoner]

Originally Posted by pineapple2007

everyone tells me "pray, go and pray...speak to god..."

i have already. and i am in this mess. Ive gone to far now, i am to angry and upset ive lost all patience in my body for anything or anyone

Remember, to pray for His will only and the power to carry that out. If you do have a specific request, it should only be in the vain that it would help others.

OK, so that's the ideal. The reality is that I pray for myself, and I pray for specific things. And God, being the Great Guy that He is, ALWAYS see that the situation is remedied.

Is it exactly what I had in mind when I prayed ? Not usually. Is it in the time frame that I wanted it ? Almost never. Is it the right answer, and usually one that I wouldn't have even thought of ? Almost always.....

[Pick-a-name]

Originally Posted by GlassPrisoner

Remember, to pray for His will only and the power to carry that out. If you do have a specific request, it should only be in the vain that it would help others.

OK, so that's the ideal. The reality is that I pray for myself, and I pray for specific things. And God, being the Great Guy that He is, ALWAYS see that the situation is remedied.

Is it exactly what I had in mind when I prayed ? Not usually. Is it in the time frame that I wanted it ? Almost never. Is it the right answer, and usually one that I wouldn't have even thought of ? Almost always.....

GP: perfectly said.

I don't need as many reminders as I used to,but I did print this out for those moment that I do. Thanks.

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by BigGirlPanties

Obsessive thought definition:

Is when ONE thought crowds out all other thoughts.

Obsession is the master of this disease....cant control it, I got to asl for help..from God,,,Al-anon....and any one else who has been relieved of the obsession.

Pray..it helps me...you are not alone...Hugs!!

I just posted this somewhere else yesterday because it helps me when I get obsessed with an obsessed thought..

Thought Stopping
Thought stopping
There are times when your mind races, and you're head just buzzes with loads of irrelevant things. And there are times when that one terminally embarrassing or utterly disastrous memory just stuffs itself into your consciousness, and drags you along with it to the bitter end. Or maybe your mind starts that 'what if I goof up?' game, and just doesn't want to let go.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could just turn off the thought?
Two tips for doing just that below:


The Stop Sign
This trick is easy; whenever you have a thought you can do without, visualise a big, red STOP sign. Let that fade away with the unwelcome thought, and move on with what you were doing.
Try it:Put your mouse on the lights, and whenever some thought occurs to you (like "what am I waiting for?"), click.


The example is quite complex, with an abrupt, vivid STOP, and a transition back to an 'OK' state. For a simpler, and often equally effective, variant, just use the STOP to halt a disruptive train of thought (often coupled with a sharp focussing action), and then focus on something more relevant.
Creative distraction
A term used slightly less generally by Syer and Connolly in sporting bodymind, the principle is relatively simple. Ever play that game that goes "DON'T think about Pink Elephants!"?
The way to win this game is to think about GREEN elephants. Or blue elephants. Or best of all, elephants you know and love and cherish...
In other words, just let yourself get interested in something else. "Something else" is typically:
A different thought For example, deliberately turn your mind to a time when you did well, and dwell on it.
Something task-related Very effective, as it combines thought with action. Just focus on what you're doing; check the feel of the bow, carefully examine your arrows for problems; on the line, focus on the feel, rhythm or balance in your shooting...
These quite simple tricks make a big difference; mostly, I think, because they all give you a positive way of controlling your thoughts.


When it works
Thought stopping works pretty well any time. It's most effective when the thought you turn to is vivid and reassuring. It helps (as ever) if you have already found practised and found an image or topic to turn to .
Thought stopping is a good short-term response to immediate distraction, so is effective during an event.

When it doesn't
Weak or irelevant replacement thoughts and images won't help much. Thinking about chocolate, for example, may well stop the original distraction, but it's harder to shoot when you're dribbling...
http://www.tenzone.u-net.com/psych/thtstp.htm#

[Done-With-It]

Coping.org: Tools for Coping with Life's Stressors


The SEA's Tools for a Recovery Lifestyle

Thought Stopping in Recovery

Content:

* What is thought stopping?
* How does thought stopping work?
* What are some thought stopping techniques?
* Irrational thinking which blocks you from letting thought stopping work for you
* Directions for thought stopping


What is thought stopping?

Thought stopping is the:

*
Process by which you are able to cease dwelling on a thought bothersome to you.:p> :p>
*
Procedure used to stop thoughts that are cues to acting impulsively or compulsively.:p> :p>
*
Process by which you are able to break the power of the cues that lead you into addictive or binge-like behavior.:p> :p>
*
Substitution of a healthy thought for an unhealthy thought.:p> :p>
*
Act of deliberately turning to cues that break unhealthy patterns or habits.:p> :p>
*
Ability to discontinue obsessing on an idea, image, thought, fear or stimuli that is a cue for unhealthy behavior.:p> :p>
*
Practice of using mental energy in a positive way.:p> :p>
*
Technique used to reduce the negative impact of stress, unhealthy emotional cues, and fears.:p> :p>
*
Stress-reduction technique that eliminates the overwhelming impact of stress and/or crisis events.

How does thought stopping work?

In thought stopping you could use one of the following or a combination of them::p> :p>

*
Replace one thought for another, i.e., the thought of eating is replaced by the thought of exercising.:p> :p>
*
Hear "stop'' literally or figuratively whenever a negative or unhealthy thought arises, e.g., the desire for a cigarette appears and "stop'' is immediately heard.:p> :p>
*
Are able to break an obsessive, unhealthy thought pattern by substituting a healthy thought pattern.:p> :p>
*
Are able to replace a negative or unhealthy image with a positive visual image.:p> :p>
*
Find you divert or detour your mind from unhealthy or negative thoughts.:p> :p>
*
Clear your mind of all unnecessary and unhealthy thoughts that create stress or cues for acting out in unhealthy ways.:p> :p>

What are some thought stopping techniques?:p> :p>

Thought Replacement: when an unwanted thought enters, immediately replace the thought with a healthy, rational one.
Yelling 'Stop'': on thinking the unwanted thought, immediately yell STOP. The yell can be out loud or only in the mind. Continue to yell STOP until the unwanted thought ceases.
Substituting a Healthy Thought Pattern: if you have a tendency to think irrationally due to irrational beliefs, you can develop a rational pattern of thinking by challenging every thought that comes to mind, asking: Is this a rational thought? If not, what is irrational about it? What would be a rational replacement for this thought?
Replacement Visual Image: if you have a tendency to visualize negative images, replace these negative images by positive, healthy images.
Aversive Replacements: if you have a tendency to think of an unhealthy behavior in an acceptable manner, immediately replace these acceptable images with more honest images, i.e., thoughts of alcohol, drugs, junk foods can be replaced by the words "poison,'' "unhealthy,'' "disgusting,'' "barf'' or "killers.'' Thoughts of cigarettes can be replaced by "cancer sticks'' or "coffin nails.''
Irrational thinking which blocks you from letting thought stopping work for you

*
It's OK if I just think about it and do nothing about it.:p> :p>
*
What's the harm of thinking about it?:p> :p>
*
People will never know if I just think about it for a little while.:p> :p>
*
I've denied myself so much, why can't I just think about it once in a while?:p> :p>
*
You can't condemn me for thinking.:p> :p>
*
I never thought about it before I acted so why should I avoid thinking about it now?:p> :p>
*
It is too much of a battle to fight these thoughts. It's easier to give in and then start over again in the morning.:p> :p>
*
What difference does it make if I think about it?:p> :p>
*
It seems so silly to control my mind from having thoughts about it.:p> :p>
*
This feels like brainwashing and I think brainwashing is bad.:p> :p>
*
I don't have time to do this.:p> :p>
*
I don't need this in order to be successful in achieving recovery.:p> :p>
*
This is another far-out psychological gimmick-too stupid to try.:p> :p>

Directions for thought stopping

First: Use relaxation training and breathing exercises to get yourself relaxed. It is important that you be at ease to stop a recurring thought.:p> :p>
Second: Record the word stop in alternating 1, 2, and 3 minute intervals on a 30 minute tape. Using the stop tape in a relaxed state, think your unwanted thought and every time you hear stop, discontinue the thought. Go back to the thought again and cease the thought only when you hear stop. Do this for 30 minutes every night for two weeks or until you can consistently discontinue the thought when you hear stop.:p> :p>
Third: After you are trained to arrest your thought using the stop tape, you are ready to try arresting your thought by yelling stop out loud. Think of your unwanted thought for 30 minutes and yell stop to discontinue the thought. Once you arrest the thought, go back to thinking about it for awhile, then yell stop again. Do this for 30 minutes each night for two weeks or until you are able to consistently discontinue the thought by yelling stop.:p> :p>
Fourth: After you have trained yourself to stop thoughts by yelling stop, you are ready to train your thoughts to end by whispering stop. For thirty minutes, repeat the process of dwelling on your unwanted thought, but this time whisper stop to halt them. Do this 30 minutes nightly for two weeks or until you are able to consistently discontinue the thought by whispering stop.:p> :p>
Fifth: After you have trained yourself to discontinue unwanted thoughts by whispering stop, you are ready to train your thoughts to discontinue by thinking the word stop. Repeat the process of dwelling on your thought for 30 minutes, but this time simply think stop to discontinue unwanted thoughts. Do this for 30 minutes nightly for two weeks or until you are able to consistently discontinue unwanted thoughts by thinking the word stop.:p> :p>
Sixth: The technique of either taping, yelling, whispering, or thinking stop can be effective in discontinuing unwanted thoughts. Ideally you could get to the point where simply thinking stop would work; however, use whichever mode works best for you and keep practicing. Remember to start the process in a relaxed state.



*Hope today is better for you Pineapple*

[pineapple2007]

Thank u for that. I try doing that sometimes. Today i was so close to calling.....and I picked up a book (book that helps u cope with break ups)...and then i started ironing my clothing that have been in a ball at the end of my bed for about a week. now i am here..trying to fight off the urge once again.

I dunno... i keep dwelling on how well i was doing and how low i got knocked down.

U say "deliberately turn your mind to a time when you did well, and dwell on it."

what used to work for me is my vacation to mexico. That was when i felt most successful because i worked hard all year round to get there. that same resort I have been to 2 times already is now ruined. that was the only thing i could think of and totally escape..... now when i think of that i get heated and angry and over and over i feel the carpet being swiped out from under me.. so even the thought of the place is RUINED?! ....its so messed!!!!!!!

[MsGolightly]

try not to let him ruin the resort for you - don't let him win. go back next year with a friend, or a few, and make new memories to replace the ones you have of the trip this year.