Worrying about....me :) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

spedteach · 05-19-2003, 10:08 AM

Okay, my A came home yesterday at about 6:45am and I was already awake and he walked in the door and I am sure he was expecting me to over react...I didn't!!! All I said to him was "where did you stay last night" and of course he said his mom's house and I asked him if he could at least give me a call and let me know he's safe if he stays the night somewhere else. Then we had a little talk..and we got around to our fight on Thursday and he said that I just blow up when he tries to talk to me (always my fault, never his...typical and it gives him his excuses right?)...I was calm and we didn't get into it. He went golfing and I went out with son like I had planned and we had fun. We came home around 2ish and everyone did their own things...son went in the yard to play, I did dishes and laundry and husband, no surprise, slept. Well, a little while later, my son asked me to play basketball with him and I did...we had fun! Well, my son asked husband to play basketball and I really thought he'd say no but he played! My son was SO excited and I just stayed inside and let them play. If you read my previous post, I was upset because hubby has let our son down so much already and I said something to him about letting his son down and not being there for our son. It was just a nice quiet day and I am so proud of myself for not lecturing to him..he even talked about what they (he and his brothers and mom) had done the night before and how they were all "stupid" in his words and I still managed to keep my mouth shut! I would have jumped all over that opening in the past...but I didn't. He told me that he and his brother argued over who has the bigger drinking problem and that his brother lectured him about how he is not setting a good example for our son and what does it teach him about being a dad? I really am learning and I know that no matter what, he has choices to make and that I have no influence over those...but I also know that I have choices and I choose to be happy and not worry about HIM! I choose to worry about ME

and my son

I don't know what tomorrow or even tonight will bring living with an active A...one that right now, is in denial of his situation..at least outwardly...inside he may know that he's just putting on a big front! but I do know that he's sick and I am not going to keep doing what I've done in the past...it got me no where! I am going to enjoy him when he's sober and enjoy the family time we have...when he is using, I will let HIM worry about it and the consequences....it's off me and guess what??? I feel lighter already!

I'll keep coming back and chatting here via the message board and hopefully sometime on the chat rooms...I appreciate everyone here and I know that we all have so much to learn from one another! The sun is out and it's beautiful out and I woke up today..that's enough reason to smile!

Have a good day everyone!

liveweyerd · 05-19-2003, 11:06 AM

Why I can see that tiara sparkling on your head...just as birght as the sunshine!

Queen of the day!!!

Way to Go!

smoke gets in my eyes · 05-19-2003, 11:17 AM

Queen for a day, indeed.

I hope you don't mind sped... I sort of took a liberty and nominated your husband for "toad for a day" over on the naranon forum. See ann's post "Help Me Plant My Recovery Garden". I'm glad he woke up enough to spend some time with your boy. I guess we can let him out of the toad house.

Hugs and thanks for the inspiration!
Smoke

spedteach · 05-19-2003, 11:40 AM

Nope don't mind at all...he deserved the nomination

Thanks for making me laugh out loud!!!

It helps to laugh at ourselves and our situations..without it, I'd most definitely be in the looney farm!!

Oh yeah, my dear husband called me at work today..which he NEVER does when he's working...I had called him to ask him a medical question (I thought I was getting a big ol' excuse from one of my track girl's moms and he knows a ton about asthma so he was the one to ask!) He was at lunch and I said okay, I'll talk to him later and he called me back! I asked him how his day was going and he said "Not good" and I said "Why" and he said "Because of me (meaning himself)" and I said "I won't go there with you..if you want to talk later, let me know" and that was it! WOW...do I feel more powerful with myself...I am finding the strength to BUTT OUT of his problems!!! I get another gold star for the day

That's my brag on myself...now I'll stop!!

lyn_blossom78 · 05-19-2003, 12:26 PM

Wow! You go girl! Nice way to handle him!

I too, know where you are coming from. My husband lets his kids down all the time. Very frustrating to watch.

Hang in there, and take care of yourself.

Lyn

05-19-2003, 10:08 AM	#1 (permalink)
spedteach Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Mich Posts: 127	Worrying about....me :) Okay, my A came home yesterday at about 6:45am and I was already awake and he walked in the door and I am sure he was expecting me to over react...I didn't!!! All I said to him was "where did you stay last night" and of course he said his mom's house and I asked him if he could at least give me a call and let me know he's safe if he stays the night somewhere else. Then we had a little talk..and we got around to our fight on Thursday and he said that I just blow up when he tries to talk to me (always my fault, never his...typical and it gives him his excuses right?)...I was calm and we didn't get into it. He went golfing and I went out with son like I had planned and we had fun. We came home around 2ish and everyone did their own things...son went in the yard to play, I did dishes and laundry and husband, no surprise, slept. Well, a little while later, my son asked me to play basketball with him and I did...we had fun! Well, my son asked husband to play basketball and I really thought he'd say no but he played! My son was SO excited and I just stayed inside and let them play. If you read my previous post, I was upset because hubby has let our son down so much already and I said something to him about letting his son down and not being there for our son. It was just a nice quiet day and I am so proud of myself for not lecturing to him..he even talked about what they (he and his brothers and mom) had done the night before and how they were all "stupid" in his words and I still managed to keep my mouth shut! I would have jumped all over that opening in the past...but I didn't. He told me that he and his brother argued over who has the bigger drinking problem and that his brother lectured him about how he is not setting a good example for our son and what does it teach him about being a dad? I really am learning and I know that no matter what, he has choices to make and that I have no influence over those...but I also know that I have choices and I choose to be happy and not worry about HIM! I choose to worry about ME and my son I don't know what tomorrow or even tonight will bring living with an active A...one that right now, is in denial of his situation..at least outwardly...inside he may know that he's just putting on a big front! but I do know that he's sick and I am not going to keep doing what I've done in the past...it got me no where! I am going to enjoy him when he's sober and enjoy the family time we have...when he is using, I will let HIM worry about it and the consequences....it's off me and guess what??? I feel lighter already! I'll keep coming back and chatting here via the message board and hopefully sometime on the chat rooms...I appreciate everyone here and I know that we all have so much to learn from one another! The sun is out and it's beautiful out and I woke up today..that's enough reason to smile! Have a good day everyone!

05-19-2003, 11:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: central Florida Posts: 7,290 Blog Entries: 5	Why I can see that tiara sparkling on your head...just as birght as the sunshine! Queen of the day!!! Way to Go! __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

05-19-2003, 12:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
lyn_blossom78 Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 444	(((((Sped)))))))) Wow! You go girl! Nice way to handle him! I too, know where you are coming from. My husband lets his kids down all the time. Very frustrating to watch. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. Lyn __________________ If God is for us, who can be against us?

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05-19-2003, 11:17 AM	#3 (permalink)
smoke gets in my eyes 1000 Post Club Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: That's what I'd like to know. Posts: 2,432	Queen for a day, indeed. I hope you don't mind sped... I sort of took a liberty and nominated your husband for "toad for a day" over on the naranon forum. See ann's post "Help Me Plant My Recovery Garden". I'm glad he woke up enough to spend some time with your boy. I guess we can let him out of the toad house. Hugs and thanks for the inspiration! Smoke

05-19-2003, 11:40 AM	#4 (permalink)
spedteach Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Mich Posts: 127	Nope don't mind at all...he deserved the nomination Thanks for making me laugh out loud!!! It helps to laugh at ourselves and our situations..without it, I'd most definitely be in the looney farm!! Oh yeah, my dear husband called me at work today..which he NEVER does when he's working...I had called him to ask him a medical question (I thought I was getting a big ol' excuse from one of my track girl's moms and he knows a ton about asthma so he was the one to ask!) He was at lunch and I said okay, I'll talk to him later and he called me back! I asked him how his day was going and he said "Not good" and I said "Why" and he said "Because of me (meaning himself)" and I said "I won't go there with you..if you want to talk later, let me know" and that was it! WOW...do I feel more powerful with myself...I am finding the strength to BUTT OUT of his problems!!! I get another gold star for the day That's my brag on myself...now I'll stop!!

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