Soap Opera continues

[free2be]

I feel as though the drama will never end. STBXAH called me the other night and asked if I would help him fill out papers for a hardship claus to get the house out of foreclosure. He told me that he fired his lawyer. She was not very good and she lied alot. We are suppose to be in court on Monday. He is going to represent himself. What a fool. He then let me know that he owed $$ to some "wise guys" and they had taken his last 2 paychecks. He said he borrowed the $$ to retain the lawyer, etc.. He stills owes alot. I let him know that he has some other $$ availible from another retirement thing he could take and use to pay off the "thugs". To do this he needs my signature and my bank account. I agreed to this and we are suppose to take care of it today. He asked me to call off my lawyer. He said he would agree to let me and the kids stay here and pay some of the bills etc... So now what, I do believe that his intentions are good, but I can not trust him. What will happen 6 months to a year down the line? He doesn't make very good choices. What should I do? I am sick. I want to have a working relationship with him for the kids sake. I just can not trust him. Neither of us can afford to keep going to court and he would have to retain a new lawyer etc... Mediation I would love it but again I can not trust him. I just want out. I want all debts paid, all terms agreed and I want to move on. I really for the first time looked at him and felt nothing. I just want him and the drama to go away. I can not handle it any more.

[chero]

Oh, Free, I am so sorry! You are right, You can't trust him. I don't know what advice to give (i'm sure someone will) just be careful and trust your instincts!!

Praying for you!

[guineapigjude]

So sorry to hear what you're going through! In my own experience, which has been similar as far as I can tell what you've written, I can't take AH at his word, either. So far I give him opportunities to follow through on his word, but always have a "Plan B" for when he doesn't. There have been times he's done what he says, more times he hasn't or he's tried to make me own his responsibilities. Right now I'm trying to detach as much as possible, and to do what I need to do for me.
Good luck ~ I'll be praying for you.

[denny57]

My first thought was whatever I know is usually the tip of the iceberg. Hidden in all there is the fact he asked you to "call off your lawyer." I would not.

[fartheralong]

I agree with Denny. Don't call off your lawyer, but then I really liked my lawyer. My other concern was that he asked for access to your bank account. I'm not sure why he would need access to your bank account. I set up a seperate one as soon as I filed. Way too many bounced checks, way too many times I realized there was no money for groceries. Since the divorce he's asked for every reason to have my bank account numbers my favorite being then he can just deposit/wire money for the kids into the account. Yeah, right. Good intentions, without a doubt. BUT I just don't trust him. So I never gave it to him and now, knowing where he is and the people he ran with, I thank God I didn't. But that's just me. MIght want to keep a tight eye on that account or better yet, get a new one.

Hugs on getting to the point that you just want out. I know last year when I got to that point, so many of our friends and family thought I was cold, too rash. I didn't care. Too much, was too much and I finally found the courage or will or whatever to say enough. Hugs on all the court stuff, the battles, the kids.... been there, still there at times, but it does get easier. Hang in there.

[prodigal]

No trust = no deal.

Keep your attorney.

[free2be]

I am keeping my attorney. I called him today and I am waiting for him to return my call. I need a "plan B" is right. It's so hard when he is looking me right in the eye and saying he wants me to keep the house and have the kids stay. I want so badly to believe him. I just can not. I am being manipulated. Funny, how when he had his money, was not giving any to us, partying etc.. He wanted nothing to do with us. Now, he's remorseful and wants to be friends. What I really want is to have him satify all our joint debt and then, see ya. I really am getting to old for all the drama. I am also sick and tired of his bad choices coming back to haunt me. I want out!!!!!!! Let's satify what needs to be done, garnish his wages cause I know he is not reliable to pay me, cut visitation now. It's only a matter of time, he will stop coming.

[guineapigjude]

You are headed in the right direction! Good luck and keep us posted!

[TexasGirl]

I think that no matter how good his intentions may be, things of this nature should be put in writing and able to be enforced. He said he is going to represent himself, and he can do that. If he's willing to concede everything, then he can certainly manage to represent himself in that, right? In my situation, I am the only one with an attorney. My atty is sort of handling the divorce for both of us, but he truly only represents me when it comes down to it. But he's letting my X and I determine all of our terms on our own, and when we are settled to what we can agree upon and both sign off, he's going to take that decree to court. Maybe that could work for you??

[minnie]

Ugh. How many times have I read on here that the STBX's turn on the charm just when the deal is about to be done?

Keep your lawyer, get all deals in writing and in a form that is enforceable. His choice whether he retains a lawyer or not. If he means what he says, he will have no problem about it being put down on paper. It's only if he doesn't mean it that he will kick up a stink. If I agree to something and I fully intend to follow it through, a piece of paper is an irrelevance, because I would do it regardless. If someone wanted piece of mind, I would sign it without a qualm. Perhaps if I wanted to be able to turn around and say "that's not what we agreed", I wouldn't want it written down and witnessed by a lawyer.

Hang in there, hon, and work on what's best for you and the kids. He's an adult - it's his responsibility to look after himself.