Need to cut off contact

[crayzee]

I need to cut off contact with my mother. Long story short, she lied to me about still being sober, and got reeeely offended that I even asked.
When I asked her if she was still sober, she says "Yes! Are you?" WTF??? I have never had a drinking problem, and have MAYBE 2 drinks a YEAR.
I have come to the conclusion that she will probably never be a reasonable, sane, sober person. I do not need her causing me any more pain. I feel guilty about cutting her off, only because my kids love her, but I have to do this.

[Grace]

Probably not a bad idea. At least distance yourself.
I wish that I could. It's hard to do that with family members. These are the ones that we expect the most from, or at least I used to. Some people are incredibly difficult to deal with, and they turn things around to make it look like YOU are the one with the problem. It's crazy.
It can make you crazy. Don't play their games.

Wow! I need to practice what I preach. I just posted a thread on detachment, and just gave myself some advice.

Take care and read your Alanon literature.
I'm certainly going to.

Good luck!
Grace

[FormerDoormat]

No need to feel guilty for protecting yourself from harm. It's a normal and healthy thing to do.

There's no sense in asking an alcoholic if they're drinking. The answer is always "no," so why bother?

[Seeking Wisdom]

All you can do is to take care of yourself and your children. It always hurts when we realize we are helpless against this devastating and destructive addiction ... and we learn we must step aside before we are destroyed by its insanity as well. Blaming others is such classic addictive behavior ... my husband became so irrational that he pointed fingers at so many around him as having a drinking problem when they didn't ... including his own mother and father. He would do about anything to divert attention away from the real problem ... his irrational and obsessive relationship with alcohol that came before anyone or anything else.

[Spiritual Seeker]

Best to you as you make the hard choices.

[denny57]

I do what I need to for my own sanity and over time I've learned I don't have to explain it. It's really difficult and painful to have some relationships changed, but I can no longer sacrifice myself to anyone else's choices.

Have you talked to anyone about possible solutions? You say your kids love her, but you're cutting her off because she lied to you. Is taking away the kids an attempt to manipulate her into sobriety? What will the affect be on your children if they never see her again?

Take care.

[crayzee]

Denny, I really wish there was another solution. My mother has been an alcoholic my whole life. She got sober for a while when I was 26 or so, and we tried going to counseling. It was disastrous. She was not willing to accept any responsibility for any of the bad choices she made, or the pain she caused me. She is still angry at the "incompetant" counselor, and was/is convinced we were both "attacking" her the whole time. Anytime she hears anything she doesn't want to hear, she is being attacked.
I am not cutting her off simply because she lied to me, that was just the last straw. I can no longer tolerate her emotional abuse. I practically have a panic attack whenever I have to talk to her on the phone.
She lives across the country from me, so she sees us maybe twice a year. I have no desire to manipulate her to do anything. I don't think it matters what I do. She will continue drinking and being a victim whether I am in the picture or not. I have considered an intervention, but I have my doubts that it would help. I fear she will continue drinking until it kills her. This thought kills me inside.
I do not know what the effect on my children will be if we have no more contact. I have thought a lot about this, and don't take it lightly. This is a very sad situation for everyone.